I can visit him twice within a month yay! But it'd cost me money :-/

[Malaga]

So during our phone call last night he told me he got a wedding invitation for the end of September, and my name was on it too. I asked him if he would like me to come, he said, "Of course. But if you had to choose, I'd rather if you came to our charity event."

You see, every summer he and his friends organize a charity festival, and it's a very important thing for them. It's scheduled for the last weekend in August, so exactly a month before the wedding. He's been very excited about it and told me a few times how much it would mean to him if I was there too.

I would of course jump at the opportunity to see him twice in a month, the very thought makes me giddy lol. But problem is, at that particular time of the year flights are much more expensive than usual. I've already complained about it and he was very understanding. I can't take a month off work, so if I were to attend both events, I'd have to fly over twice.

I earn considerably less than him, and had a few financial worries some months ago, but that's sorted now. I could just about afford to splurge on the tickets, it would be difficult but not impossible. But part of me is not sure if that's wise, if that makes any sense.

I feel like we have a steady relationship because we've kept things balanced and sort of old-fashioned - because I know I can be too eager, I let him pace things and be the more active one, while I'm receptive, and I think it's worked great for us. In the end we've both invested about the same in terms of money and effort.

This would be me making more of a sacrifice - and him being aware of it. I can't even define what it is that bothers me. Maybe I'm just uncomfortable because it's out of my comfort zone.

Mother says I should do it if it makes me happy. But I take my Mum's advice about men and relationships with more than just a pinch of salt.

So what do you think? Should I just go for it, or should I pass on the wedding? I can't believe I'm actually asking this lol - but I can't deny being somewhat conflicted.

[princessmeg1328]

I think if you have the means to go to both, you should. I don't think there's any reason to deny yourself seeing your SO as often as you can as long as you can do it responsibly. Maybe since he wants you to be there for the charity event, he could help you pay for the ticket if you need help. I think both events would be a lot of fun!

[LadyMarchHare]

Personally if I did not know who was getting married I would not honestly consider going, as well it also depends on just how many days you can afford being over there a second time for it. If you can only manage a handful of days and then return with near empty pockets, I can't say I would personally think it worth it, but that's me. If you can get his help with the second flight that would be nice but I can't say it would be mandatory for him to do so.

Weddings happen all the time, this festival is once a year and obviously means more to him than the wedding. But really it's more about your comfort in shelling out that much twice in a month than the events themselves.

[Moon]

Have you considered asking him to pay for one of those flights? Tell him you'd love to see him, and you'd hate to miss out on the opportunity to do so, but buying the tickets for both is a bit of a burden, and see if he offers to help. If not, then I'd probably skip the wedding, you don't want to hurt yourself financially just to watch someone you don't know get married.

[JEREIANEDREI]

I think if you have the means to go to both, you should. I don't think there's any reason to deny yourself seeing your SO as often as you can as long as you can do it responsibly. Maybe since he wants you to be there for the charity event, he could help you pay for the ticket if you need help. I think both events would be a lot of fun!

On my part I believe that there are things that money can't buy...its the HAPPINESS of being with the one you love....Me if I had given the chance to be with my SO,,I would go for it,,but sadly I couldn't.... :'(
..and Princessmeg1328 is right that maybe your SO could help you if you really need help,,just be vocal,and honest to him...

[Malaga]

Thanks guys! I really appreciate your thoughts.
I have to say I was always uncomfortable with the idea of him helping me financially before we close the distance. He offered to help once before, when I was having some financial difficulties. I declined and said I thought it would be wrong. He took it on board and didn't mention money again. However the more I think about this, the more it seems it wouldn't be such a bad idea in this case.

I met the guy who's getting married, last time I was there. So I do know him and his fiance, but very briefly of course. It would be no big deal if I didn't come, especially as they all know we're long distance.

[Malaga]

I just remembered something else. I must've forgot about it because I only ever remember the good things

When he was booking flights to come see me for Easter holidays, he too was annoyed at the costs, and picked his flight dates based on a cheaper rate, even if that meant we had 2 days less to spend together than we could have. I was a bit sad about losing those two days, but didn't really think much of his decision at the time, it seemed like a pretty normal thing to do. But even if he went with the more expensive rate, he would've still paid less than what I would have to pay now for just one of the round-trips. And he earns more than me so it wouldn't hit him as hard as me.

Granted, it was January when he booked those flights, and we've come a long way since I guess, maybe he would've made a different choice now. But still. I'm kind of annoyed now, ha.