LDRs harder than CDRs?
As someone who has experienced both sides of the close/long distance relationship - I have to say that hands down, long distance relationships are much harder to maintain that close distance relationships. The difficulty of communication, of expression, of showing your affecttion for one another - it is limited to words and voices - things that holding hands could never amount to.
I've been in my LDR for nearly a year (28 more days!) and it has been a very rough time coping with the distance. It still shocks me that some people tell me how my relationship doesn't really count because he doesn't live near me. How I should dump him and find someone closer that's worth it. And today was just so great - one of my coworkers told me that my year long relationship actually counts less than a "real relationship". We were discussing how a close friend had gotten engaged after only dating for 10 months, and yet I've dated my boyfriend for nearly 18 months and don't expect a ring anytime soon.
"Well that's because your relationship isn't actually real since you are far apart. You can't be as [emotionally?] close as regular relationships."
I call bull crap. She may have been dating her boyfriend for two years, but does she know what it's like to spend months alone trying to make friends and live independently? What it feels like when a man comes up to you at a bar and when I turn him down says "You shouldn't be going out at all if you have a boyfriend. Why isn't he here with you now?" To hear again and again that my boyfriend doesn't really like me since he doesn't live near me. That he's not worth it. That I should find someone else?
And yet after nearly 12 months I have survived through this. We have survived together. We have learned to conquer our challenges not only together, but alone.
Then she added this little gem to the mix: "You shouldn't even think about getting engaged until you've lived together." Because EVERYONE lives together before marriage, you know? :P Believe it or not, some people are old-fashioned and save that moving-in for marriage. And there are higher divorce rates for couples who haved lived together before marriage. Guess she should tell that to her "real" boyfriend that she lives with.
Grrr. People stink.
I've been in my LDR for nearly a year (28 more days!) and it has been a very rough time coping with the distance. It still shocks me that some people tell me how my relationship doesn't really count because he doesn't live near me. How I should dump him and find someone closer that's worth it. And today was just so great - one of my coworkers told me that my year long relationship actually counts less than a "real relationship". We were discussing how a close friend had gotten engaged after only dating for 10 months, and yet I've dated my boyfriend for nearly 18 months and don't expect a ring anytime soon.
"Well that's because your relationship isn't actually real since you are far apart. You can't be as [emotionally?] close as regular relationships."
I call bull crap. She may have been dating her boyfriend for two years, but does she know what it's like to spend months alone trying to make friends and live independently? What it feels like when a man comes up to you at a bar and when I turn him down says "You shouldn't be going out at all if you have a boyfriend. Why isn't he here with you now?" To hear again and again that my boyfriend doesn't really like me since he doesn't live near me. That he's not worth it. That I should find someone else?
And yet after nearly 12 months I have survived through this. We have survived together. We have learned to conquer our challenges not only together, but alone.
Then she added this little gem to the mix: "You shouldn't even think about getting engaged until you've lived together." Because EVERYONE lives together before marriage, you know? :P Believe it or not, some people are old-fashioned and save that moving-in for marriage. And there are higher divorce rates for couples who haved lived together before marriage. Guess she should tell that to her "real" boyfriend that she lives with.
Grrr. People stink.
. It was like that for us, we met online and didn't meet in person until we were together almost two years (due to various reasons) but when we finally did it was just perfect really, the transition from online to real-life was seamless, because we knew each other so well and we were always ourselves with each other...the meeting just confirmed what we already knew...after having been together for only two weeks before he had to go back we are even more sure that we want this to be permanent, and the first conversation we had after he was back at his home he said "so what do you say as soon as it's possible we move in and live together and get married and have kids ( he said all of this in a semi joking manner ofc, but I know him well enough to know he meant it)...because you are definitely the one and I know it now more than ever before".
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