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    Looking to the forum for advice...

    Dear Loving From a Distance Members,

    I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm in need of some advice.

    George told me a few days ago that he has a friend, who is female, that he texts on a non-regular bases. She's a friend of one of his friends and is, to my knowledge, has a boyfriend. Now, I know my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me, that's not the advice I'm looking to get. How do you get over being practically offended by your boyfriend texting another girl about you? I feel like she would comment on my every, horrible, crazy, perfectionist move I make in my relationship, that he tells her all the weird things I do, and that I'm just ... so darn annoying. :/

    He has also told me that our relationship is 'boring' whenever we are apart. Um, hello, I'm trying here! I try to set up things for us to do, always search for new things for us to try, but he... 1) doesn't like that idea, or... 2) persists to tell me he has to go after a 5 minute conversation.

    ...For my birthday, I just wanted to be told something romantic and sweet. It seemed more like he couldn't wait to get away from the computer. It made me sad...

    I know I'm always texting, calling, messaging him so I've started a 'journal' where I keep all of the 'sense-less' thoughts I would tell him. ... Maybe if I give him space... he'll wake up and tell me that I'm his sun shine and that I'm important in his life, and not boring.

    I don't know what I need advice truly on.
    ... Why doesn't he compliment me back whenever I compliment him? I feel like I'm no good.
    How do you get over the feeling that you want to punch every person who he spends time with in the face?
    How do you get him to understand that you feel completely and honestly hurt? Even though George is everything I need and want, I'm hurt and I need his attention and affection. With him not coming down the spring anymore and us having to wait a few more weeks until we reunite, I truly feel lonely.

    I love George with all I have and I hate being away. How do I know he feels the same way?... We tell one another we love each other all of the time, but how do I know he's just not telling me and actually... looks over to my side of the bed whenever I'm not there and wishes I was? ... like I do.

    #2
    --Idk. He doesn't tell me constantly, but he'll just say randomly "you're beautiful" "you're so sexy" "i like your hair today." I don't know where they come from and I never know when to expect it. I've even begun telling him when I really need it though I'll text him, "Tell me you miss me, tell me you love me, tell me I'm beautiful...I need to hear it today." He thinks it's just a given. And I tell him, yes I KNOW those things, but I still like to hear them. It's gotten better over time. He's learning.

    --I get jealous of the ppl who spend time with him too. Not insanely but sometimes I really want to scream NO, IT'S NOT FAIR, YOU'RE MINE WHY CAN'T I SEE YOU! idk, I still get jealous.

    --This goes back to me telling him I need to hear it and him just getting better. I tell him I miss him, and I tell him I wish he was lying with me, etc etc. And I tell him although I know he misses me just as much that I do need to HEAR it.

    Have you told him you need to hear it? When we first got together I'd ask him now and then, you miss me right? He'd always say yes like it was the dumbest question ever and he even asked 'why do you ask that, you know I do.' And I told him of course I KNOW you do, but I still like hearing it!! That's all it took, he just didn't realize it was important to me that he tell me.

    Other girls....he's in the Army so there are a lot more guys than girls. He doesn't really talk to other girls besides his buddies girlfriends or wives. Oh and a few from WOW. Which I admit I do get a little jealous when he says he's talking about her but that's just me being territorial lol.

    Comment


      #3
      I've tried everything. I literally don't sleep thinking that I've done something completely wrong, thus my continuous 'talking to him' behavior.
      ... I'm just going to give him space. Stop the texting and stuff. :/

      I miss him flirting and being sweet to me.
      Whenever we are together, he is... exactly the opposite of this. 'Real George' as I call him. 'Internet George', as I call George whenever we are apart. I don't mean to be so nagging or annoying. I truly believe that if I don't tell him something nice that no one else will, for no one does. I don't want to ask for him to be romantic, but I want George to notice that I do a lot for him... and I deserve a little something. I'm making practically straight A's, saving up as much money as I can, and trying to keep our internet life not 'boring'. -.-;

      ... It drives me crazy.

      Comment


        #4
        Is he a little bit oblivious? I know that Alex got pretty distant and we had a little bit of a fight and, frustrated, I finally told him what I wanted, things I expected, things that would matter to me, and he said, "See, that's what I need, I'm oblivious, I won't get it if you hint at it!" I don't know whether George is anything like that, but if you tell him straight out, "I really need you to [fill in the blank]" or, "I would really like more attention or affection" or something along those lines, he might be a little more open to listening. Also, maybe you could make suggestions on things to celebrate. Like, if one of you gets extra money from overtime at work or you get a really good grade on a test or something, suggest that you celebrate and then he'll likely ask you what you want to do and you can either decide yourself or make him decide something romantic to do. Hope that helps, sorry if it's disjointed. ^^;

        Comment


          #5

          I think it has nothing to do with you and you certainly didn't do anything wrong. I just think a lot of men don't do compliments and especially not online. My husband has never really complimented me a lot, but I don't do it much either, so I don't really mind. Also, usually I will question compliments and feel embarrassed by them, so I'm fine with the way things are. Of course, it still makes me feel good to get a compliment.

          About the "boring" thing: I'm pretty sure he didn't mean you, but just the talking-on-the-internet. It can get kind of monotonous. But it's not your job alone to keep it interesting, he's a part of your relationship, too, and he should put effort in it as well.

          About texting a girl: Personally, I couldn't cope with it, but I'm super-jealous. My husband is friends with a friend and his wife, too and I also asked him if they talk about me. They don't really, which is fine with me, because I don't want other people knowing personal stuff about me. Does George tell you about this girl? If he doesn't, really, I definitely would object to him telling her personal stuff about you. Then again, on the upside: it's good that he talks about you, because that shows her (no matter if she's in a relationship or not) that you're important to him. I guess it depends on how close they are whether you have to worry about him telling her about your negative traits etc. I think that's something you only do with people you feel really comfortable with. Also, does it make a difference that it's a girl? I mean, he certainly has guy friends he tells about you (and might tell less-than-favorable things to), right?

          Comment


            #6
            I try to do as many things as I can to impress him, just so I can know that he's proud of me. Something, anything!
            I've told him I've wanted affection, but he just... doesn't... get it? ... It makes me feel like I'm not worth it or he doesn't feel affection for me anymore, or while we're apart.

            He does have guy friends, and that's how he met this girl. After I asked about her before, he told me nothing about her. I finally made he tell me what was up. I don't know a thing about this girl and it bothers me to the core! It sits in my stomach and makes me feel sick all day! I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend even more and make him not talk to her, but... he should at least tell me something more than 'but she has a boyfriend and wouldn't be interested in me'. To me, that just screams, 'she's single and totally into me'. Don't know why, even though that isn't the truth.
            If I knew her or something about her, I guess I would feel 'a little' ok, but this girl just appeared out of no where!

            I told him I'm giving him space and, even though it's going to kill me to do it, I have to... maybe it will make him more interested in me.

            Comment


              #7
              I understand what you are going through. I had an LDR previous to the one I am in now, and he never paid attention to me, never complimented me, never spent time with me, always had something better to do. And then when I found out that "his better to do" was to sit on the couch..hurt me. He had an ex gf that he still paid things for, and was in her life all the time. He would go to Missouri every other weekend so his son could see his daughter, and he would stay with her...the whole weekend. I would get SUPER jealous. I always felt like he was cheating on me. He claims he never did, but then she put pictures up on a website of them together...it was awful.

              He never did though tell any other girls about me. In fact, I didn't exsit to anyone in his real life..and that hurt me. I wanted people to know he called me his girlfriend. I cried and cried and cried all the time. I was SUPER lonely and i didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to take care of my kids or nothing. I would tell him I needed more from him, he would give it to me for a week or two..and then go right back to being this way. I was done being played on the string and I broke up with him. I felt soooo much relief after I did. It is easier to be alone then to be alone in a relationship.

              I don't know if this helps or not, but i really do hope that you work it out.

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                #8
                Umm... I'm not breaking up with George, ever.

                Comment


                  #9
                  i wasn't saying you should..i was just telling you my story, sorry

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hi Jennifer,

                    I have experienced some variation of all of the concerns that you posted in your original post at least once in my relationship. Each time, I've realized that they are significant problems, but that I also tend to overreact to them. For example, my boyfriend goes through cycles- for a couple of weeks, he will be loving and attentive and super flirty, then for a couple of weeks he'll be much less and even quite distant at times. When he's distant, all I want is for him to send me a little note to say he loves me or do something to make me smile. I'll usually, in turn, become much more insecure, probably a little whiney, and definitely more pouty. And, though he's never said it, I think he really hates it when I get that way.

                    Sometimes, when I tell him I want him to be more affectionate, he immediately changes his behavior and goes back to normal. Other times I feel he ust blows my concerns off. When that happens, I tend to really freak out and I become really emotional. The problem with that is that when I let it bother me, I know that it only pushes him further away. He needs space sometimes, and then when I push, push, push for more (either directly or indirectly) he reacts by taking even longer to get over it. Hope that makes sense- I'm having a hard time articulating it.

                    What I have found is that when I make it clear what I want/need, yet still recognize that sometimes he just wants his space, he very quickly goes back to being the loving/flirty guy I love best. I just do my best to not let it get me down and do what I can to be a bit more distant with him (that's very difficult for me- I just want to tell him I love him and how wonderful he is all the time, and I don't think I'll ever understand why he's not the same way all the time). He generally starts to miss me and then puts more effort into the relationship.

                    That kind of gets at his comment that the long-distance becomes boring. I'm sure it's nothing to do with what you do- It's just that distance can become quite monotonous sometimes and he's probably just as frustrated about being apart from you as you are (he's just expressing it differently). Giving him space and letting him miss you a bit more than he already does will probably help with that.

                    Not really sure what to advise about the friend he's been texting. Really, it comes down to your own insecurities and jealousies. I don't recommend that you ask him to stop talking to her, because that could just cause him to feel like you are controlling him. One thing I've found helpful is to meet and talk with my SO's female friends if I feel threatened or jealous about it. If not in person, over webcam. It especially helps me to feel better if I know she is around and he acts flirty/loving toward me. It's enough for me to feel like she's gotten the message that he's committed to me. This isn't always possible, depending on the situation. But see if you can find out more about her. I think it will help rid you of your worries (or at least give you something more concrete to worry about- note: I really don't think it's anything to worry about). Seems like the biggest problem is that you have uncertainty about their relationship. If you can get more information, I think you'll feel better.

                    Hope that helps Jennifer! You seem to have a really strong relationship, so I'm not at all worried that these concerns mean that you have problems in your relationship or that you are headed toward a breakup. Just try to focus on yourself and your own reactions because in the end, that's really all you have control over. Just have faith that you have a boyfriend who loves you, and even if things are super-rosy right now, they will get better.


                    Comment


                      #11
                      I know exactly where you are coming from. When Jared got back to LA, he became really distant. Whenever I would suggest getting on webcam, he would whine that he was too tired. I would suggest something new for us to try, and he would just say it was stupid. After a while, we barely even talked. He would just call me before he went to bed and fall asleep right away, so all we were doing was sleeping on the phone--which isn't the same as actual communication. I kept on telling myself that he was really busy, but I still was getting extremely frustrated, lonely, and hurt that he wasn't putting in any effort. Well, around three weeks ago, he told me that he thought we had grown apart and that he has been distancing himself from me because he was really sad about being far apart and he didn't know how to deal with it. He also said that he has been being lazy and it made him feel bad that I put in so much effort. He told me that he wanted to get better and that he would try and do more things with me. (we ended up getting a huge fight after this because of something else, but that is not really relevant here, I wrote blog on here about though) Two days after that conversation, I spent a week with him, but when I got back, I was worried that he wouldn't do what he said. However, he really has kept his word. He has really been putting in a lot of effort now, and I am really thankful.

                      I know that isn't extremely the same case as yours, but I think that talking to George about how you are feeling might help. Tell him that you think you feel like you guys are not communicating enough and that you think you both need to work on it. Hopefully that will work. However, at the same timeI know that when ever Jared has been distant like this before and I ask him to make more effort, nothing really happens. I just come out sounding clingy because I ask him to talk more. It might take something to make him realize how special you are and that he needs to shape up.

                      One thing might be that he is just dealing with the distance differently than you, or even that he doesn't know how to deal with it at all. I know that was part of what Jared's problem was.

                      I have also told Jared that I would like it if he replied to my love letters, responded to my facebook messages, and tried doing something special every once in a while, but he never does. I guess maybe it comes down to how you express your love differently? I do not really have any advice for that..... Whenever I get sad about things like this, I just try reminding myself of all the things Jared does do that show that he cares.

                      Originally posted by Jennifer&Georgex3 View Post
                      ... Why doesn't he compliment me back whenever I compliment him? I feel like I'm no good.
                      In this situation, he probably doesn't realize that he is supposed to. I really like BJL_Sweetheart1109's idea about telling him you NEED to hear something nice once in a while.

                      Originally posted by Jennifer&Georgex3 View Post
                      How do you get over the feeling that you want to punch every person who he spends time with in the face?
                      Again...I really do not know the right answer to this, all I can say is that I understand! Most of Jared's friends are girls, and in particular his best friend is one. I get EXTREMELY jealous when he spends time with her, whether it is just going out to lunch or hanging out everyday. It's not like I think he will cheat on me with her; I just want him to be going out to lunch with me instead! What makes it even worse is when he hangs out with her and then he will only talk to me for around five minutes on some days (but that was when he was being distant, and hopefully it won't be a problem anymore). I know this jealousy is not rational, so basically I just have to make myself get over it. Instead of crying, blowing it out of proportion, and taking it out on Jared, I just try to do something else to get my mind off of it.

                      I know how you must be feeling right now, but just try your best to get through this phase! Try talking to George about it. Maybe he is feeling frustrated too and you two can work on solving the problem! Best of wishes!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        I've been thinking about this post off and on all day. *hugs* Jennifer. You know I luv ya bunches and you know I can be pretty blunt... so.


                        Most important question first.. How do you know he feels the same way?!?! Honey, is that just fear, hurt and insecurity talking. If you know he loves you when he's by your side, that is not going to change just because there is distance. So... if you feel that he loves you when you are together and at times (most of the time is the best) when your apart, then you know. Its as simple and complex as that.

                        Why he doesn't compliment you back could be as simple as not wanting a compliment to sound forced or fake. I NEVER EVER compliment anyone back unless I had planned to in the first place. Otherwise, it just feels fake to me. Maybe this is similar to how he thinks? Ask him! Its the only way you will ever know.

                        The girl he is texting.. He told you about her...Odds are VERY HIGH that he doesn't see her as a GIRL but as a chick friend...Does that make sense? If not, ask me and I will try to explain better.

                        Not sure what to think about the whole boring thing... bad choice of words maybe? Maybe he just finds over the net to not be as "real"? Wish I had more for you hun.

                        How one gets over being upset/jealous over those who get face time with the SO... it will never go completely away, i don't think. However... they probably do little things that either makes him thankful you aren't like them or makes him remember how much he likes how you do such and such...in other words, he's probably thinking about you a good deal when he's with others. And if you are really lucky...he's watching his buds with gf's who do things that would drive him batshit and he thinks about how thankful he is that he has a girl who is uber cool.

                        Finally... its possible you guys communicate TOO much. Or that you are going there too often. Chilling a bit is probably a great idea, but be sure not to chill too much. Its a fine line and a hard one to walk, but I know you can do it. You have to let them miss you is so true. And there is nothing that says you can't rip out a few pages each week and send to him with a note saying something about these being things you forgot to tell him or that these are the little things you used to text him, but you got to thinking a big bunch of the little things together might be better... IDK but I am sure you can come up with things if that's something you want to do with your journal.

                        Of course, you should know that things like this are normal in any relationship and how you work through them define and strengthen what you have together. And I have faith that you will work through this in a sane way, and not go all clingy GF because you are just too cool for that If you need some one on on talk time, send me a private message and we can figure out a way to meet up somewhere and have some girl talk. *BIG HUGS*

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi Jennifer,

                          I'm sorry to hear you're feeling that way. I actually awww-ed after reading your post cause you and George always seem so happy and in love and I couldn't imagine anything being wrong with the 2 of you.

                          I know how you feel, although my experience is from a CDR but it's still as hurtful.

                          Originally posted by Jennifer&Georgex3 View Post
                          Dear Loving From a Distance Members,

                          I know I haven't posted in a while, but I'm in need of some advice.

                          George told me a few days ago that he has a friend, who is female, that he texts on a non-regular bases. She's a friend of one of his friends and is, to my knowledge, has a boyfriend. Now, I know my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me, that's not the advice I'm looking to get. How do you get over being practically offended by your boyfriend texting another girl about you? I feel like she would comment on my every, horrible, crazy, perfectionist move I make in my relationship, that he tells her all the weird things I do, and that I'm just ... so darn annoying. :/
                          You said he texts with her on a non-regular bases. In that I case I doubt they're very deep texts or that he'd get into every little detail of your relationship and told her everything you do and say to him. I think you have nothing to worry about there cause from what I've understood from your earlier posts George is the sweetest man ever (after my Andy ) and he would never do anything on purpose to hurt you.

                          Originally posted by Jennifer&George

                          He has also told me that our relationship is 'boring' whenever we are apart. Um, hello, I'm trying here! I try to set up things for us to do, always search for new things for us to try, but he... 1) doesn't like that idea, or... 2) persists to tell me he has to go after a 5 minute conversation.

                          ...For my birthday, I just wanted to be told something romantic and sweet. It seemed more like he couldn't wait to get away from the computer. It made me sad...

                          I know I'm always texting, calling, messaging him so I've started a 'journal' where I keep all of the 'sense-less' thoughts I would tell him. ... Maybe if I give him space... he'll wake up and tell me that I'm his sun shine and that I'm important in his life, and not boring.

                          I don't know what I need advice truly on.
                          ... Why doesn't he compliment me back whenever I compliment him? I feel like I'm no good.
                          How do you get over the feeling that you want to punch every person who he spends time with in the face?
                          How do you get him to understand that you feel completely and honestly hurt? Even though George is everything I need and want, I'm hurt and I need his attention and affection. With him not coming down the spring anymore and us having to wait a few more weeks until we reunite, I truly feel lonely.
                          As for the boring part, that might hurt me as well but maybe he didn't mean it that way and it just came out wrong and I'm sure he certainly didn't mean you are boring. It is incredibly hard to keep things interesting all the time in an LDR without any physical contact and every couple is bound to feel bored and sick of staying at their PC's. Try not to take that too personally even though it's hard not to. But you need to tell him that there are 2 ppl in the relationship and he needs to make an effort as well.

                          Originally posted by Jennifer&George

                          I love George with all I have and I hate being away. How do I know he feels the same way?... We tell one another we love each other all of the time, but how do I know he's just not telling me and actually... looks over to my side of the bed whenever I'm not there and wishes I was? ... like I do.
                          You can never truly know what's inside of another person's mind but do you honestly think he would just tell you he loves and misses you without really meaning it? I doubt it. He is probably just as lonely as you are but maybe he just can't put it to words or doesn't wanna talk about it and finds it easier to just go away and spend time with friends instead of staying at his PC and missing you and seeing you miss him and being sad.

                          Originally posted by Jennifer&Georgex3 View Post
                          I've tried everything. I literally don't sleep thinking that I've done something completely wrong, thus my continuous 'talking to him' behavior.
                          ... I'm just going to give him space. Stop the texting and stuff. :/

                          I miss him flirting and being sweet to me.
                          Whenever we are together, he is... exactly the opposite of this. 'Real George' as I call him. 'Internet George', as I call George whenever we are apart. I don't mean to be so nagging or annoying. I truly believe that if I don't tell him something nice that no one else will, for no one does. I don't want to ask for him to be romantic, but I want George to notice that I do a lot for him... and I deserve a little something. I'm making practically straight A's, saving up as much money as I can, and trying to keep our internet life not 'boring'. -.-;

                          ... It drives me crazy.
                          Originally posted by Jennifer&Georgex3 View Post
                          I try to do as many things as I can to impress him, just so I can know that he's proud of me. Something, anything!
                          I've told him I've wanted affection, but he just... doesn't... get it? ... It makes me feel like I'm not worth it or he doesn't feel affection for me anymore, or while we're apart.

                          He does have guy friends, and that's how he met this girl. After I asked about her before, he told me nothing about her. I finally made he tell me what was up. I don't know a thing about this girl and it bothers me to the core! It sits in my stomach and makes me feel sick all day! I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend even more and make him not talk to her, but... he should at least tell me something more than 'but she has a boyfriend and wouldn't be interested in me'. To me, that just screams, 'she's single and totally into me'. Don't know why, even though that isn't the truth.
                          If I knew her or something about her, I guess I would feel 'a little' ok, but this girl just appeared out of no where!

                          I told him I'm giving him space and, even though it's going to kill me to do it, I have to... maybe it will make him more interested in me.
                          I don't think you've done anything wrong and you do deserve something back but try to give him a little space to realise that on his own.

                          I have to say, putting it this way: "but she has a boyfriend and wouldn't be interested in me" isn't the best way to put it. That gives the impression that he might be interested but knows that she isn't cause of her boyfriend. I think he could've said HE is not interested in HER regardless if she's taken or not. But don't think anything of it, that's just what I'd think of that sentence if I'd be feeling a bit angry and paranoid lol.

                          Men just don't think the way women do, that's all. And they don't think about how to say things without giving out the wrong impression. That's something us women NEED to understand. Men won't understand hints, things need to be said to them in their face. You have to tell George how you feel, tell him what you've posted on here. Ask him how exactly does he feel and ask him to be completely honest with you. Maybe you could mail to him instead of talking to him so that he would have some time to read what you've said and time to think about his reply. Like you said, you're giving him some space so an email would be a better choice than asking him to have a long and a serious talk. Although that's what he might want after reading your mail.

                          Oh and you're definitely worth compliments, flirting and being sweet to and he knows that, he just needs a reminder every now and then.

                          Originally posted by Jennifer&Georgex3 View Post
                          Umm... I'm not breaking up with George, ever.
                          Damn right you aren't!

                          I think you should do what you thought you would, not text him quite as much and let him miss you a little. I'm convinced he loves you just as much as you love him but maybe it's harder for him to show his affection online.

                          Everything will be fine Jennifer, you just have to believe that and keep on loving him from a distance.


                          Comment


                            #14
                            Hey Jennifer,

                            So... I read all the posts. Lots of great input. I think you might get some advice from all of them. I won't repeat what's been said, but I do agree mostly with Gurl.

                            What do I have to say personally? Well... I think we all have our rough patches. I went through one recently/currently. Not it's so relevant, but I'm just saying these things happen. You're both young and there's a lot of grow-areas for the both of you, individually and in a relationship. You both have to work at things. I can see how frustrated and sad you might get because of this.

                            To be honest, I don't think you're doing much wrong. Sure, like Gurl said, you can handle some things better. If you know he loves you, you don't need to worry so much about the texts. As well, don't be too clingy. Some space is good sometimes. However, it also depends on the couple. I talk an insane amount every day with my sunshine and talking less means talking 2-3 hours instead of 7-8 or more. I suggest when you're in a good mood, spend more time and if it's a bit rough talk a bit less. Sometimes a good talk is in order, though.

                            In this case, regarding George... I do think he should offer you a bit more. I mean, I get that you get stuck in a slump sometimes. It's not the same maybe and it's not nice. But you're trying obviously and doing a lot for him. He can offer something in return. Doesn't always have to be equal, but just a little more. To show he's trying and because he loves you. If he hates being in this kind of situation, not really liking talking over the internet and all, he should try to improve it too. You're trying, so he can too. With most things in life, effort is necessary. At first it might be tough and boring to just keep on trying to have a good time online. But once you get more connections and things in common to do and talk about it gets easier. My dearest has different interests than me, but we still manage to talk for very long extended periods each days.

                            A tip, start getting interested in each other a bit more. Ask questions and get involved with what keeps your SO busy and vice versa. It might help get things rolling again a bit. I don't know. Even if you don't care so much about his interests, it might be easier. I don't know. The same goes for him. Don't know if you tried this. Ask what keeps him busy. Maybe he has stuff on his mind. Maybe he finds it hard to think of things to do or such. Give him ideas if so.

                            You have to find ways that work for the both of you. But I find it hard to believe there's no way it can be a bit better. Often when you start putting in effort and start finding new ways to enjoy yourself, also with hobbies, it works out better!

                            If you're both a bit in the dumps and it seems to be stagnant or not really working, just take it easy a bit... But try to end each day on a positive note!

                            By the way, I don't think all men are like this in that we need everything to be said to our faces. We're not dumb. I mean, I think he might know you do a lot and that you love him and that you want stuff from him, it's just he doesn't really know how to handle it or change things himself. Maybe he's just as frustrated and he just doesn't know what to do with the situation.It does often help to talk about your feelings and thoughts anyways, no matter if you're a woman or a man.

                            Talking by saying 'we' and 'us' I think is good at times too. If he knows how you feel, the next step is what you both want, need and how to get that. " 'We' want to have more fun together, even if we're apart, right?" As well, point out the stuff that does work too! "I like that you/we do this. Can we do it more often? What do you like?". Etc. Put the blame on the situation, not necessarily on your SO. Sometimes, however, it's good to be direct. Point out you're willing to try anything he likes or anything to make it just a bit better. Just see, okay? Just think about what to say and such and come up with some practical ideas. Don't talk too much, though, it might end up in arguments and annoyances. Just keep it light, point out an idea or two, say what you feel a bit and leave it at that. See what improves! And if it does, mention that you're happy about that!

                            Hope everything goes well,

                            Have a nice day,

                            San.
                            Last edited by San; March 26, 2010, 05:45 AM. Reason: Forgot some things
                            Adia, you're on my mind and in my heart...

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                              #15
                              Oh, I know how you feel about the jealousy thing. Recently, he has started rekindling a friendship with a female friend who used to be his close friend in the past; he even loved her. At first I was (obviously) a little apprehensive. I kind of have always been about friends that are girls, against all my better judgement. It's not even that I usually think he doesn't want to be with me, it's just... something. Then I realized that basically, if he wanted to be with her or anyone else, he would be. There is no point in me subconsciously "allowing" him to hang out with her or anyone. He's a big boy; he can take care of this himself, if something happens for any reason at all, even this renewed friendship, that affects our "us", he'll tell me and we'll work it out. I want him happy, and if making a new friend makes him happy in some small way, then yes, I want that for him. It's really, really helped me deal with it to think that way. Not that I'm saying you're clingy; you don't strike me as clingy, or the type that "decides" when George can and can't do things and go places. I'm just saying maybe that mindset would work for you.

                              More advice later, ha. XD I have to go to school now.

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