I really could use some advice guys xxx

[michellelyons]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 year - 2 in long distance. he moved to another city (8 hours by car) with his family, he went to uni and got his degree, and now has a job in Sydney which is very hard to find in Australia (Game design), and the likelihood of him getting anything in my city (Melbourne) is very slim. I still have 3 years left of my university degree.

We have talked about us coming back together a few times, not all have gone well, he likes to live in the moment and not stress the details of the future - I'm the opposite, i need to know that there is a future for us worth going through this for.
I could possibly move and transfer universities, it would be tough, but it is a possibility. Though I don't want to leave this city, or my friends or family. I kind of feel bitter, as if I'm making enormous sacrifices just to suit him, i think it threatens my sense of independence.
I'm not really sure what to do, I love him, he is my best friend. But, I don't feel like we are in a romantic relationship anymore. It feels strained, and it feels as though we are more old friends from a distance.

I'm too scared to bring it up in conversation ( I feel like I'm the pessimistic rain cloud in the relationship). It all feels a bit fragile.
I don't know if I want this to end, and I'm too scared it will be my biggest regret if it does.

I need some advice, or just some words of comfort xxx

[Rugger]

In the end, you need to talk to him about how you are feeling. The goal of an LDR is not to be apart forever, but to close the distance and be together. Being together takes a compromise, that should make both people reasonably happy,. It's possible he doesn't know you are feeling this way. Bring this all up to him. Maybe he'll be willing to make a compromise so you two can be together

*hug*

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with Rugger. So long as you keep this to yourself things will not improve because he is not a mindreader and he may perceive any negative attitude you take with him to be over something else. He may not like to discuss the future and handle all that but it has to be done not only for your peace of mind, but for his as well. Moving around, changing jobs or universities... it's not easy and it can't happen overnight. There has to be a plan to set in motion bit by bit. And it's not like you'd be closing the distance tomorrow so you two can have time to talk about all realistic possibilities so you don't have to feel like you're compromising your independence for him or like he just expects you to do everything.

Rule of thumb: If ever there's a problem, you talk about it. If it's important enough to bother you, it's important enough to mention and discuss.

[Tanja]

I like LMH's rule. Talk to him, tell him what you just told us. It might feel scary right now but once you get everything off your chest you will feel a 100x better, trust me, As for him, he HAS to think about the future if this LDR is going to work. It will take a lot of hard work, planning, compromising and sacrificing to close the distance and it won't happen unless both parties are actively involved in making it happen.

Talk to him and be honest. If the worse should happen and he feels like you're just friends too then it's better to know now than to drag the relationship on indefinitely. There's also another option where he will see your point and starts to make more of an effort to close the distance. Maybe you could arrange to meet and talk this out face to face?