Some support needed

[gem322]

Connor and I knew going into our relationship that it was going to be ridiculously hard. That was 5/28/09. We're really, truly feeling it now. We want for it to work more than anything, but it's hard when I'm an admittedly needy person with emotional instability and he's a student at one of the toughest high schools in the country. I graduated from said school, so I know exactly what he's going through, but it doesn't change the fact that there are times that I need more from him than he can give me. He is almost always tired or busy, usually both.

We would both sacrifice just about anything, short of our academics, but he doesn't really have a lot to give in this situation. This means it's pretty much up to me. Becoming more emotionally independent is something I have been wanting/needing to do anyway, and now I'm faced with an extremely compelling reason. Problem is, I just don't know how. I need to fight off my insecurities and my tendency to get very lonely, very easily. I am more than willing to do this, but I don't know where to start. I want so badly to make things easier on Connor. I don't want to hurt him, but I still want to be with him. Help?

[wondergirl]

I know it's tough. But you will have to be patient, my dear. As you mentioned, he attends one of the toughest schools. It's crucial for you to fight off your insecurities and let him focus on his studies for now. This is one of the biggest turning points of his life, and his academic performance has the potential to build his future. This moment could make him or break him! You should be his source of strength and support instead of his weakness.

Being more emotionally independent is in your hands, trust me! You've just got to convince yourself that you are both separate individuals after all, with your own goals, responsibilities and set of duties in life. Convince yourself that he is working towards his future/career, and is not neglecting you in any way. It's just that you're not on the top of his list of priorities right now due to his studies, but pretty soon you will be! There might also come a time in life when you will need to focus on some other priority and kinda let him take the "backseat" for a short while. It's all about mutual understanding and accomodating each other. Think of it this way: if his future's stable and secure, chances are it will benefit your relationship too!

Just keep yourself busy with other things. Pursue a hobby, join a club, take part in activities and so on. Talk to him whenever he finds a free moment, and do not get hard feelings when you have to say bye at the end of the conversations. Try to occupy your mind with other things the moment you feel bad or lonely. See this as a chance to learn/pursue new things that you've never explored before, and enrich your life!
I'm sure you can do this much for the sake of your relationship, if you're really determined to make it work. Good luck!

[Caity]

I definitely agree with taking up hobbies and activities to distract you from feeling lonely. Not only will your mind be distracted but, depending on the activity, you could be networking and making friends. If you can find a group or club that you could join doing something you enjoy then that would be really good as it would give you something to do apart from Connor whilst he's getting on with his studies, and should also help you with feeling more emotionally independent. Keeping myself busy has certain helped me through alot of problems with family and coping with distance for a long time. It might not work for you but there's no harm in trying =).

[Sara]

being busy does help with being lonely. find a club with some nice people in it. friends also help a lot. it is important to have people to talk to other than connor. it will take some of the load off of him, and off of you. for me, burying myself in my own academics helps when my SO becomes too stressed to talk to me as much as i would like.

[Mio]

Lots of hugs and good sense to you!