Extremely worried, did I do the right thing? Need help.

[Chris]

It's a long story but I'm going to make it as short as possible. I met Marla over three years ago, she was in a very bad relationship with someone. She was... unstable to say the least. She's always had episodes of depression. It took me about two years of talking to her every day before she would finally believe a complement, believe that she was beautiful and intelligent, etc.

Everything seemed to be going great once we started our relation ship on June 23rd of 2009. We had our ups and downs now and then but we were both happy. But that changed a few months ago when I joined the Army (I was originally told I was going to be DQ'd, which I know Marla was happy about, but that was changed when I got a waiver) . I took a combat job and she believes I'm going to die. Ever since then she's been crying everynight, and was tempted to hurt herself. I tried everything I could think of to help her, nothing worked for long. She pulled a knife on herself and at that point I asked her to get help, I was afraid she was going to do something horrible. She went to a psychiatrist on the 18th and was committed, but I don't know for how long. Her mother sent me an email and gave me times that I could call her.

I'm afraid she's going to hate me after this. Or that our relationship will never be the same. I love her and I'm afraid she's going to resent me for this. I keep going back and forth on whether this was a good decision or not. Her mother said I made the right one, but I can't help but feel otherwise. Her life is more important to me than I can say but I think I just ruined our relationship. I haven't had the chance to call her but I can tonight at 5:30. And I can't talk to her about this because she's already going through enough and I don't need to put more stress on her.

Did I do the right thing? I feel horrible. =(

[Sierra]

It sounds like she's extremely afraid of being abandoned, and in her mind, you just walked into a death trap.

The best thing you can do at this point is support her, and listen to what she's saying. However, I can say that before my boyfriend and I were together I talked about joining the Peace Corps because I was in a dire situation and he freaked out about it, told me he'd do anything he needed to keep me here and couldn't deal with me 'abandoning' him like that ... I decided to follow another path because of it.

I've got to ask, why did you CHOOSE a combat position?

[snow_girl]

I think you made the right decision in telling her to get help. Weather you are away or not it sounds like she has some issues that need dealing with. She might be angry with you now, but once she gets the help she needs to see clearly I think she will thank you.

[Chris]

I choose a combat job because it's something I've always wanted to do. I want to make a real difference. I like being very active and directly involved with things. I don't want anything like a desk job.

[leonsfangirl]

You did the right thing.
She desperately needed help and you pushed her to get it, how can that have ever been wrong?

[Mara]

I do think you did the right thing not only for your relationship, but for her.

You can't fix people. As much as you love her, you can't make all of her problems go away. You've tried. She needs professional help. I hope that she is getting what she needs and that the two of you can go forward with her being more healthy.

[JEREIANEDREI]

sorry to hear that,.as what you've tell bout' your story,,i felt bad for you,,but maybe your girl is having a fear of losing you...since as you've mentioned that before as u met her she had depression...since you're the one who makes her alive,makes her happy,,and even you complete her,.thats why as u joined the army,,she totally feel the depression of the possibility,,the reality of danger over your said chosen career...its not that easy for her to accept that one day,that the man whom she love the most,,will just be lost in one click....maybe she's not that tough,.same as mine,,im too emotional..even me I can't afford of losing the man,,who completes me,,she LOVES you a lot and I feel her...

still the choice is depending in you...if you will choose over your career or your woman's situation..
Life is short,.you must live it to the fullest,.but to sacrifice is too hard...its your choice...

All I can advice now,,the best advice that I can give you,..better to talk to her,,heart to heart,.explain to her everything that no matter what you love her...and put God in you,,PRAY it helps..?Talk to the lord,.he will give u answers...

Goodluck and God Bless

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't know Marla's address but I am just about an hour's drive away from her so if need be I can check up on her after she gets out. You let me know, I'll help her as much as I can and you as well since when I met her she talked about you all the time and gushed. I know you guys love each other.

As for your decision, I do believe you've done the right thing. You're not doing any of this to hurt her and I think in time she'll realize that. You have something you want/need to do and at the same time you want to make sure that she's as fine as she's going to get. I honestly don't think she'd resent you or hate you/leave you for all of this. I'm sorry she's taking it so roughly, last time I talked to her she seemed alright, but I can't really say when that was.

[Micah]

I'm sorry you and your girlfriend are going through this. I echo what everyone else says: you didn't do anything wrong. I just wanted to write and give some support, but I really have nothing else to add other than what's been said. I hope she is able to get the help she needs and you are a great boyfriend with a lot of integrity for making the hard choice to get her some help.

[Chris]

I just talked to her. She sounds miserable. =( I feel horrible for doing this and they're considering holding her for 2 weeks... or more. I know I did the right thing but it doesn't feel like it at all. I get to talk to her about five times a day, which is nice, but I can't see her which really sucks. I miss her.

[Mizpah]

You did the right thing. I know you love her, and you don't want to see the end of your relationship, but if it comes to that, at least you may have saved her life.

[LadyMarchHare]

I just talked to her. She sounds miserable. =( I feel horrible for doing this and they're considering holding her for 2 weeks... or more. I know I did the right thing but it doesn't feel like it at all. I get to talk to her about five times a day, which is nice, but I can't see her which really sucks. I miss her.

I'll be the first to tell you psychiatric hospitals or any place in-patient is not the cheeriest place on earth so I can understand her feeling bad if not for anything else. They'll hold her as long as they feel she needs the constant help for her depression and her problems and either send her to an outpatient program to continue the care or just recommend therapists/psychiatrists for her to follow up with on a weekly or monthly basis. It's a hard road, but she has you every step of the way.

[Eyelids Bare]

I think one key you are over looking is that you encouraged her to get help and miserable or not, she did. You got through to her enough for her to go get help. I think that says a lot and the only people who do not get help, are those who do not seek it out. No one can save anyone, we can only encourage them to save themselves and in that regard it sounds like despite her desperation, your words did get through. Best I can offer is to just hang in there. The weeks will be long but you just have to take it day by day. Just keep talking to her and encouraging her. Some part of her wants to be better or she would not have seeked out a psychiatrist. Just be as strong as you can for her in the mean time...

[kteire]

Speaking as someone with an unfortunate amount of personal experience with this kind of thing, you most definitely did the right thing, and you may have saved her life.
It's very possible she might resent you or be angry towards you for a little while if she was resistant to the idea of getting help... that's something you should know and be aware of. But when she's on the road to recovery and coping well, she will know that you did what you did because you love her, not because you didn't want to have to deal with her. That's very important. People who do things like that for you are thee ones you fight to keep in your life.

[theyellowdart]

I think I too will join the broken record in saying that you didn't do anything wrong. Ultimately she needed help and you were completely in the right in helping her to get that help. So if anything, Kudos to you for recognizing and acting on that! The way that she responded was not a healthy way to let emotions out at all, and hopefully, she will end up alright and learn better coping methods that work for her, so that she can continue to be healthy and ultimately the two of you can grow and have a long, happy, healthy, relationship from this!

Now, with that being said.. I am going to go the opposite way most people seem to be going, in warning you that you need to be prepared for whatever might come of your relationship as a result of you joining the services. Divorce rates among service members are exceptionally high, especially amongst couples who are together before joining (not that you two are married, but it's the same more-or-less for dating couples as well). I was dating a woman for years, married, and eventually ended up divorcing and going our separate ways. Ultimately the reason was her inability to adapt to the military lifestyle and everything that comes with that. Now I am not saying this will be you're situation by any means. I'm just forewarning you that if you simply joining and getting this kind of position bothers her this much, you have a lot of trials ahead of you. Good luck to you both, and I wish you nothing but the best!