HELP! Year into relationship and...

[eclipsechick7]

So my SO and I will be having our one year in July and I was planning on going to Texas for 2 weeks (I have gone there twice before). I still live with my parents so I have to ask their permission. They say no, they arn't comfortable with it. WTF?!?! So not fair. Come to find out too, the conversation led to my father saying that he doesn't approve of my BF. :o

WHAT DO I DO?!!? Has anyone else been in this situation?

My family is very important to me but their opinions are unjustified! They don't give legitimate reason why they don't approve! What's going on!

[knhdarw]

Honey were in the same situation and our guys are in the same state and its not the my parents dont approve of my BF they just dont think its safe for me to be going 1000+ miles alone. And i feel where your coming from I had a free trip going to Dallas for 2+ weeks and they told me NO and I knew if I went against there wishes it would be heck to pay something terrible. But i'm just finding it weird that they have let u go before but dont want you to go now I because I know no matter what they say your not gonna end your relationship because they dont approve its not there happiness you have to worry about its your own
Best of Luck. and God Bless us Both

[LadyMarchHare]

Sounds like something changed their perception of your guy if they have let you go twice before and now are saying otherwise as well as they don't approve. Have you tried asking them why their minds have changed and exactly what it is they don't like about him? If you can get their complete side to things then you know what facts to correct and what needs discussing. All I can tell you is to not freak out, not use the phrase "this isn't fair" or "you're not being fair", and just try to stay as calm as you can because the more hysterical and upset you get the less serious they're going to take you and ultimately your reasoning would be drowned out.

Parents just want to protect their children no matter how old they get and they want them to not get hurt. They don't always choose the best method to display this, but to them it's justified even if it comes across as mean or cruel. All you can do is talk to them as an adult and try to convince them or quell their fears as best you can. If after all that they still say no, you have the choice to either respect their opinion and not go or, if you have the money yourself, go anyway and hope they don't change the locks on you when you're gone.

[JEREIANEDREI]

follow what your heart says...but it doesnt mean that you're disobeying your parents...do what you think is best!....Good luck..

[eclipsechick7]

knhdraw I am glad to know that I am not the only one who's parents didn't approve. I do try to talk to them in a VERy calm manner and have never said "this isn't fair" in front of them b/c I know that that would just give them more of the feeling of power that they crazy for some reason. I do pay for the trips all on my own. What I can't wrap my head around is that they always say no during the school year because they won't let me miss classes (which is kinda understandable). Now it is the summer, my only opportunity to go and they still say no!... yet I can drive 400 miles to Delaware (I live in Mass) and stay overnight in a motel...?

The worst parts are that I WANT to go to TEXAS because it's like a vacation for me, it's relaxing and I get to actually cuddle and sleep next to my BF (no this isn't all about the sex, although it is nice). When he comes to Mass to see me we are not allowed to sleep together, they basically never leave us alone, and almost all of his time is spent with my 8 year old brother (because my parents never tell him to leave us alone, or that we need some time to ourselves), we even planned a trip o he could be here for his 8th birthday, just for them.
I guess I'm just so frustrated that in the beginning they cared and now al they do is make our already difficult situation even MORE difficult. I would move out but prices are so high in New Enlgand that it's impossible to afford.

[Micah]

How old are you? Does it really matter if they approve or not?



If they don't agree with it, yet you are an adult and are paying for it yourself, you could really go if you wanted to. That's just my opinion, though. On the other hand, if they give you some sort of ultimatum that affects some major aspect of your life, like having a place to live, finances, etc. then I would recommend staying home, or at least getting to the bottom of their disapproval. I think there comes a certain age where you don't have to ask your parent's permission for things.

There has to be a reason why they do not approve, and I think it is important that they tell you why. If they have no reason, then they have nothing to back up why you should not go. I would try to sit down with them and talk things through. Maybe if you get to the bottom of the situation, you can work out an arrangement, or at least give them some reassurance. If they just downright do not like your SO, I think it is important that you find out why and try to reassure them that he's good for you. If they let you visit him before and are now not approving of the visits, then it is obvious something occurred to change their mind. Whenever my parents haven't liked any person I am dating, they usually have had a very good reason for it. So, please try to discuss this with your parents. It will make you both feel better.

I'm 29 years old and my SO is 33, so we are definitely old enough to make our own decisions. Whenever I go to travel to visit my SO, my mom is always super worried that something is going to happen to me on the way and she always gives me trouble if I am making the 700 mile drive to see him. So, I will send her periodical texts messages and stuff to give her peace of mind. Maybe if you offered to call them every morning and night, or send them texts every once in a while, or something that gives them peace of mind, they would be more entertaining to the idea of you going. I get annoyed that I have to check up with my mom, but at least then she's not worrying as much. I'm just trying to make the point that parents always worry, no matter what age you are!

[Micah]

double post - erased.

[princessmeg1328]

I agree with everyone else. Talk to your parents and try to figure out what happened that has made them suddenly not trust him. Be rational with the things that you say and be prepared to defend him. Also be prepared to compromise the details. For example, maybe they won't let you go for two weeks, but they'll let you go for one week. Parents can be overbearing sometimes, but if you show them you're willing to work on things with them, they're more willing to do the things that you want to do.