I'm legitimately curious, where do we draw the line?

[FadedSunrise]

I'm 20, turning 21 in about 3 months. Graduating undergrad next year, planning to either take a year off to do volunteering or language scholarship to China, then going to law school for 3 yrs. After that I'll finally have a freaking job. =_=

[ClipitsWings]

Here's where my strange existence had helped me out. My mothervwas raised as a catholic school girl by a crazy single mother (since her father died at three). She was raised to be a bigot, but we've been making slow strides. She finally accepts interracial friendships and that any LGBT person us not an abomintion. However! Since I've never brought home a guy (thoughI had one bf in a relationship that hardly counts lol) she worried A.I was asexual, B.I was secretly a lesbian, C.I was incapble of a relationship and D. Unimaginably worse that only she could think up. Knowing that, I was ashamed of myself; I thought "a girl dumb enough to fall for a bisexual guy 9000 miles away has got to be the worst thing that could ever be her daughter." despite myself, after a very, very, very long time, I told her.
She was relieved =~= she met my dad when he crashed her swee sixteen, and they've been together since, so maybe it was romantic to her?
Anyway, I got lucky. She already liked my slutmuffin from all the positive things I said about him, and she accepts it, she's offered him room to stay at our house, ... If I get locked in my room at night... So, at this point, I'm going to listen to much more sane brother. Rebelious teenager, whatever, the extent to which I decide to take my relationship is my choice, and I probably won't tell her about it. It's easy for me toavoid being forbidden by never bringing it up. Probably not the best thing for an honor society straightedge that was seemingly trustworthy to say... But it works for me. (keep in mind she forbid my bro from having sex with his gf... And he's 27.) no parent wants a their kid being sexually active, even if it's impossible... So I find it easiest to bring certain details in later (his sexuality, the extent of our feelings, our plans, etc). Don't follow my example XD

[LadyMarchHare]

Here's where my strange existence had helped me out. My mothervwas raised as a catholic school girl by a crazy single mother (since her father died at three). She was raised to be a bigot, but we've been making slow strides. She finally accepts interracial friendships and that any LGBT person us not an abomintion. However! Since I've never brought home a guy (thoughI had one bf in a relationship that hardly counts lol) she worried A.I was asexual, B.I was secretly a lesbian, C.I was incapble of a relationship and D. Unimaginably worse that only she could think up. Knowing that, I was ashamed of myself; I thought "a girl dumb enough to fall for a bisexual guy 9000 miles away has got to be the worst thing that could ever be her daughter." despite myself, after a very, very, very long time, I told her.
She was relieved =~= she met my dad when he crashed her swee sixteen, and they've been together since, so maybe it was romantic to her?
Anyway, I got lucky. She already liked my slutmuffin from all the positive things I said about him, and she accepts it, she's offered him room to stay at our house, ... If I get locked in my room at night... So, at this point, I'm going to listen to much more sane brother. Rebelious teenager, whatever, the extent to which I decide to take my relationship is my choice, and I probably won't tell her about it. It's easy for me toavoid being forbidden by never bringing it up. Probably not the best thing for an honor society straightedge that was seemingly trustworthy to say... But it works for me. (keep in mind she forbid my bro from having sex with his gf... And he's 27.) no parent wants a their kid being sexually active, even if it's impossible... So I find it easiest to bring certain details in later (his sexuality, the extent of our feelings, our plans, etc). Don't follow my example XD

I actually was asexual for about 7 years and both sides of my family believed I was a lesbian because I wasn't dating. Actually my dad's family still thinks I'm gay, but that's their problem. I think it's a lot easier for people to judge when something's not entirely conventional or traditional in the ways of "boy meets girl... etc" since despite all the movies and books and what have you, people still retain a certain mindset of how things should go, what's proper, what should be hit with a lead pipe until it quits moving, you get the point.

Just an opinion but I don't see why your mom needs to know your guy's sexuality. My SO's bi, he's been with men, but that's none of my mom's business nor is it really anyone else's beyond his and whoever he chooses to tell. I suppose it only really matters if you guys decide to introduce a third party into the relationship but even then that's still solely your business.

[ClipitsWings]

I actually was asexual for about 7 years and both sides of my family believed I was a lesbian because I wasn't dating. Actually my dad's family still thinks I'm gay, but that's their problem. I think it's a lot easier for people to judge when something's not entirely conventional or traditional in the ways of "boy meets girl... etc" since despite all the movies and books and what have you, people still retain a certain mindset of how things should go, what's proper, what should be hit with a lead pipe until it quits moving, you get the point.

Just an opinion but I don't see why your mom needs to know your guy's sexuality. My SO's bi, he's been with men, but that's none of my mom's business nor is it really anyone else's beyond his and whoever he chooses to tell. I suppose it only really matters if you guys decide to introduce a third party into the relationship but even then that's still solely your business.

you're entirely right on both counts. It's kind of sickening that any sort of difference bothers so many people. Yet at the same time, there are the openminded ones who are on sites like this, so not everyone is so hateful, thankfully. Also XD I really don't know why I mentioned he was bi where I did, it shouldn't matter at all. I just like it about him lol

[Moon]

FadedSunrise, I'd normally say you've gotta follow what your parents say as long as you're under their roof, and they support you, blah, blah, blah. But in your case, I'm not so sure that advice applies. You're a good kid, you follow the rules to the extreme, you've given your parents no reason not to trust you, and yet, they don't. That's not fair, and that's coming from a 40 year old, with a 22 year old daughter. I think its time to slowly spread your wings a little bit, and reach out for some freedom, and some slight rebellion might be in order. You said they won't kick you out, and you're almost 21, so stay out a bit late next time. Call them, don't let them worry, but let them know you're an adult and you've got it under control. Then, do it again. I'll probably get slammed for my "terrible advice" but whatever, I'm a parent of an adult child, so I'm in a unique position to give you another view.

Honestly, parents worry. Some are quite extreme in their actions. We think we're doing the right thing, but the truth is, we screw up. I can imagine your parents reasons and everything, but at some point, you've GOT to take some control over your life. If you don't start now, you never will, and you'll be the lawyer that's gotta be home at 10:30 You'll get through it, it'll be tough and there will be fighting, but if it works, it'll be well worth the aggravation. Just start pushing a little, then a little more, not disrespectfully but firmly. It's time for them to loosen up the apron strings, but they won't do it on their own, you've got to start. I'm sure they plan to hand the "authority" over to an acceptable husband in a few years, but it's YOUR life, and your mistakes to learn from. Good luck, sweetie!

[LadyMarchHare]

FadedSunrise, I'd normally say you've gotta follow what your parents say as long as you're under their roof, and they support you, blah, blah, blah. But in your case, I'm not so sure that advice applies. You're a good kid, you follow the rules to the extreme, you've given your parents no reason not to trust you, and yet, they don't. That's not fair, and that's coming from a 40 year old, with a 22 year old daughter. I think its time to slowly spread your wings a little bit, and reach out for some freedom, and some slight rebellion might be in order. You said they won't kick you out, and you're almost 21, so stay out a bit late next time. Call them, don't let them worry, but let them know you're an adult and you've got it under control. Then, do it again. I'll probably get slammed for my "terrible advice" but whatever, I'm a parent of an adult child, so I'm in a unique position to give you another view.

Honestly, parents worry. Some are quite extreme in their actions. We think we're doing the right thing, but the truth is, we screw up. I can imagine your parents reasons and everything, but at some point, you've GOT to take some control over your life. If you don't start now, you never will, and you'll be the lawyer that's gotta be home at 10:30 You'll get through it, it'll be tough and there will be fighting, but if it works, it'll be well worth the aggravation. Just start pushing a little, then a little more, not disrespectfully but firmly. It's time for them to loosen up the apron strings, but they won't do it on their own, you've got to start. I'm sure they plan to hand the "authority" over to an acceptable husband in a few years, but it's YOUR life, and your mistakes to learn from. Good luck, sweetie!

This is the best advice this thread has had. We've all been looking at it from the child's point of view, I'm glad we got someone who's a parent to say something.

[Caitlin2009]

I'm 20, turning 21 in about 3 months. Graduating undergrad next year, planning to either take a year off to do volunteering or language scholarship to China, then going to law school for 3 yrs. After that I'll finally have a freaking job. =_=

well hell your a full grown adult, you dont need to listen to them, the line should have been drawn when you were 18. just listen to what they have to say then state your opinions but do not let them control your life otherwise there gonna do that forever

[Mizpah]

You are the one who has to live with your choices, and while wanting to please those we care about is natural, we shouldn't miss out on life and risk being miserable because of that. When you parents are gone, you will be left with the life you made for yourself, or let them make for you. For me, I tried to please my unpleasable, controlling parents. I watched as my mom went from my best friend and buffer (my dad was always difficult) to being just as verbally cruel. Then she took it a step further in trying to kill me more than once. They did not try to control my relationship with Aaron as much as they had tried in my previous relationships, but they did try to control how often we saw each other despite the fact I was TWENTY. How you draw the line with strict or controlling parents is dependent upon the individual and their situation. For me, it was leaving home, leaving the state, and going to the safety of my now-husband. I felt selfish at first, choosing to make myself happy, put myself first. And they flipped, of course, but you know what? I don't regret it, and they love Aaron. I don't regret it because I didn't please them when I did everything their way, and only made myself miserable. So I would rather them not be pleased, and be happy for and in myself.

[FadedSunrise]

I think I'm going to start by taking babysteps. Because gah, living everyday like this is starting to feel like a real chore. I don't even want to get up in the mornings anymore-I do because I must not screw up on my future, but the motivation is gone. However, this has been the way I lived for so long that I don't know any other way, thus, it's going to be really really hard.

I think I'll start by drawing the line at being separated from my SO at one year. If I can convince my aunt to take me on her family's trip to China and then have them stay and tour Beijing(while I go my own way there) afterwards for just a couple days, this is better than none.

And...maybe work on going to that Vegas trip the friends are planning. Baby steps. :sigh: