in an LDR what does SPACE really means?

[JEREIANEDREI]

sounds Stupid for some,I know some of you will say I'm an idiot to ask common sense things like this ..but Im just being curious,,
since its my first time having an LDR I can't help but think that your thousand miles away being apart from each other,.months or some here being away for years...what space do are SO is asking for?..In a CDR I think since your close to each other,,it can...but with LDR..idk
it hurts me to know that he is too far from me,,longing for him,,but why he is being annoyed with me...he said I'm annoying sometimes,,coz I'm acting like a baby,..
Before everytime I will not call,,nor he dont see me online he gets pissed but now its different he get annoyed if he keeps on seeing me,,on cam?..this month we had like 4 argues and he is always saying he is suffocated,,nor annoyed...he needs space..I'm just missing him...why he cant appreciate that..like now again he is online in fb but ignoring me,,then he is offline in skype for almost 2 days...what is going on with my SO?... :'(

[LadyMarchHare]

Usually when someone wants space it means less contact. Sometimes it can mean no contact whatsoever for a certain period of time. It's asked when someone feels like they're around the other person too much or they're being 'smothered' by that person and their needs or affection.

[Silviar]

It means being mindful of your partner's time boundaries and respecting their desires/possible inabilities to not be online every second. Let them live life and include you in it, not live their life around a partner and include living as an afterthought.

Usually different opinions on how much time is appropriate can be settled by discussing what each perceives as an adequate amount of time and contact, then compromising to a happy middle for both.

[BlueCat]

My SO and I have had 'space' issues in the past. It was more about getting time to do our own thing and getting sick of sitting in front of the computer. I found that I was getting upset because I didn't understand why he wouldn't want to spend every free minute he had talking to me. On occasion, I still find it hard if I've been working for a couple of days, and then the day we're both free he wants to hang out with friends. It just doesn't always work out, and I've had to accept that. I'm found that it's not that he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him, but we don't always miss each other the same amount at the same time. So some weeks, I can be fine and it will be sunny outside when we're talking and all I'll want to do is get outside and go for a walk and he tells me to go (because I'm usually no fun to talk to at those times ) and then there's times when I don't want to give up a single minute of the day that we do get to talk. I find it sort of goes through phases where I'm really clingy and missing him, and times where I'm still missing him, but I can handle it.

When I get clingy, I find that I can write him an e-mail, apologising for being needy etc lately, and just say that I'm struggling to cope the past few days but it's simply because I miss him. Then I tell him I love him and appreciate him and look forward to talking to him. But I don't like to push him into coming home from a friends place, or not going out somewhere when I want to talk to him. The other day he asked me if I wanted him to stay home from seeing the new Pirates movie, I was touched, but I couldn't ask him to do that so I told him he should go and to stop being silly (even though I would have loved him to stay and talk to me!)

There's just a balance that you need to find, it takes a bit of feeling out, and it does change every now and then, but just respect each other's space. You both have hobbies and unfortunately at this point, seperate lives, and it's hard to combine two distant lives like that. But I'm sure you'll figure it out

[Riyko]

Space in an LDR means less communication then you two have now so for example instead of talking 7 days a week like you normally do, you'd only talk 2 days a week. That's space in an LDR.

Honestly and i hate to say it, but by the amount of topics you have posted in here in the time you've been here i can see why he wants his space, you are being really clingy and it doesn't matter if you two are engaged or not, he needs his space and time away from you and you need the same. YOU need to become more independent since you are depending on him way too much so in your case needing space is a good thing.

[Micah]

Personally, to me space would mean not to contact my SO at all and wait until he's ready to contact me.

[Trethsparr]

Personally, to me space would mean not to contact my SO at all and wait until he's ready to contact me.

^This. Exactly this.

[ClipitsWings]

i don't really have this problem >> we get hints pretty well, and i don't think either of us ever said "i need space." Either one of us is busy (and we're both hyperaware that the other has a life utside of the internet) or he's upset about something ( and he's attempting to deal with it on his own). never felt like a big deal to me ^^;

as for you, i can't say exactly what his need for self is about, but chilling out should help. everybody needs time to be on their own; appreciate the time yu have, but realize yu can't have them fr every second they breathe good luck

[JEREIANEDREI]

thanks guys...

[13000km]

I too would advice that you stop communication with him and wait till he's ready to contact you.

I am guilty of being overly clingy and dependant on my boyfriend and we have been through a period of time where he has felt suffocated by me despite being over 8000miles away from and 16 hours behind me. We went a full day without communication and some days after that of just texting before I realise what exactly it was that I was doing, and why he needs that time away from me. Since then, he hasn't had to tell me that he needs his space and has been as happy to spend time with me as I am to spend time with him. I won't say we've found a perfect balance yet, but we'll get there...

[JEREIANEDREI]

thanks...