"That is the only advantage women have over men - at least they can cry." ~Jean Rhys

[theyellowdart]

I honestly didn't think it was going to be this bad. I knew that returning back to the distance was going to be rough.. I knew that I would miss her after meeting her in person..

I didn't expect to cry. I didn't expect to have a hard time pulling myself out of bed in the morning. I didn't expect to be like this.

I don't cry. I'm not just saying that to sound macho, i'm saying that because in all honestly, I don't cry that often. And all I can do today is cry. Every little thing that is bothering me is amplified by the fact that I miss her... I feel so alone, so empty, so broken inside.

I miss you moopiedoo.. Please, please let the pain go away. I love you so much...

[snow_girl]

You just have to keep yourself busy. Instead of being heartbroken be happy that you've met her and have her in your life. It sucks being apart but moping around won't solve anything. It is okay to cry though once and a while and have a bad day and miss your SO but don't let it consume you. You are not alone, just cause she isn't there physically doesn't mean she isn't in your life. Each day apart is a day closer to being together.

[LadyMarchHare]

Even if you're warned about the pain, you never really know until you experience it firsthand and then you think, "jesus these people were putting it lightly!" Because really you can't accurately describe the sheer amount of misery. I think the last time I cried before my visit was somewhere in 08, but I blubbered before he had to leave, while he packed, when he came back to get his apartment keys he forgot, and a little more than a week after. Even now, about 4 months later, I still cry here and there because I'm now aware of what I'm missing and when you get hit with the realization you can't just take a stroll and fix it, you feel pretty hopeless.

I can't say the pain will go away entirely, but it becomes more bearable with time.

[13000km]

I kind of wish I'd see my boyfriend would say something like that. He's the strong one, it seems distance doesn't faze him, nothing does. He wants to be with me and makes everything seem so easy. He's mentioned that it's not that it's easy, but he doesn't see the need to talk about it or...something like that (I think). The only time I've known that he cried was the day I left from visiting. Other than that he's been nothing but supportive during the times I missed him so much it hurts.

[theyellowdart]

I still cry here and there because I'm now aware of what I'm missing.

That right there hit the nail right on the head.. You are entirely correct. Its a million times more real. I know now, to a greater and deeper level, what it is that I am missing out on. To have something so wonderful, so beautiful and so amazing right in my arms, only to have it ripped away from me as I return to my empty apartment and my normal day to day life and routine.. it's the hardest thing I can imagine. I wouldn't wish this on anyone..

I kind of wish I'd see my boyfriend would say something like that. He's the strong one, it seems distance doesn't faze him, nothing does. He wants to be with me and makes everything seem so easy. He's mentioned that it's not that it's easy, but he doesn't see the need to talk about it or...something like that (I think). The only time I've known that he cried was the day I left from visiting. Other than that he's been nothing but supportive during the times I missed him so much it hurts.

I broke one of my own rules today.. I told her how much I was hurting inside, and how sad I am. She said she was worried about me, reassured me, told me how much she missed me and told me at least we're together.. I don't know why I told her.. I hate appearing weak, especially to her.. I should be stronger than this for her and for myself.. It just hurts so deep down. I've never experienced this kind of pain.. I've been through a lot.. but nothing compares to this..

[kiara_silver]

ehh this is the only downside of meeting and spending the summer with Nathan, is that its going to end for a little while. Im excited and can't wait, but i have no idea how i will feel or be when having to go back to the distance again. But i feel for you, try to stay positive and look to seeing her again and making plans to one day close the distance. You know how god it feels to be together and just makes you guys stronger and work harder to close the distance, but i wish you two the best, hang in there.

[bigmac62]

Trust me, Yellow Dart, you're not weak. I do the exact same thing every time my girlfriend leaves. I hold on to her for dear life, not wanting to let her go for love or money. Then, when she drives down the road, I stand there until I'm sure she's gone and not coming back, tears flowing like a river.

Honestly, if you feel the need to cry, cry. If you're worried about appearing weak in front of peers, then do it someplace where you're not going to be disturbed. Eventually, the tears are going to stop flowing and you'll realize that this will just be one less goodbye you'll have to go through before you finally close the distance. It may take a little while, but eventually, that's something you can take a little bit of solace in.

[London-FortCollins]

Leaving after a visit (or being left) truly is the hardest thing about a LDR. Your like "well your here now...why can't you just stay?" even when you know that's not possible.

There is no way to prepare yourself for it. You just have to take it one day at a time.

Focus on the here and now. Your job, hobbies, friends etc and it will help you get back to "normal life" youll probably feel like you don't want to go back to normal life, and would much rather just miss them until you see them next. But you have to search deep within yourself and find that little but of strength to get you back into your routine.

For me it's knowing that if I don't go back to work then the next visits out of the question.

And try and know when you'll see each other next, or at least have a rough idea. It's much easier with a countdown.

[JEREIANEDREI]

That right there hit the nail right on the head.. You are entirely correct. Its a million times more real. I know now, to a greater and deeper level, what it is that I am missing out on. To have something so wonderful, so beautiful and so amazing right in my arms, only to have it ripped away from me as I return to my empty apartment and my normal day to day life and routine.. it's the hardest thing I can imagine. I wouldn't wish this on anyone..



I broke one of my own rules today.. I told her how much I was hurting inside, and how sad I am. She said she was worried about me, reassured me, told me how much she missed me and told me at least we're together.. I don't know why I told her.. I hate appearing weak, especially to her.. I should be stronger than this for her and for myself.. It just hurts so deep down. I've never experienced this kind of pain.. I've been through a lot.. but nothing compares to this..

I was so touched...i cried too as i read your post...to know that you're a guy and you're cryin'...its not normal to a man to react like yours...but i admire you for that...you show you're feelin' of missin' your gal a lot....we'll all I can advice is that PRAY Pray and Pray,,,thats what I usually do,,coz I feel the loneliness too,,I myself Its hard for me to cope up,,with the longingness I feel missin my SO...but just be strong,be positive,,for God is good...this too shall pass...in due time...Good Luck to us!

[LadyMarchHare]

I was so touched...i cried too as i read your post...to know that you're a guy and you're cryin'...its not normal to a man to react like yours...but i admire you for that...you show you're feelin' of missin' your gal a lot....we'll all I can advice is that PRAY Pray and Pray,,,thats what I usually do,,coz I feel the loneliness too,,I myself Its hard for me to cope up,,with the longingness I feel missin my SO...but just be strong,be positive,,for God is good...this too shall pass...in due time...Good Luck to us!

Uh... I'm pretty sure it's normal for anyone, male or female, to cry when they're very upset. It's only because a lot of guys are brought up that they have to show no 'weak' emotions that it's not exactly as open a thing as when a woman cries. Doesn't mean a man who admits to crying isn't normal.

[8000miles]

I broke one of my own rules today.. I told her how much I was hurting inside, and how sad I am. She said she was worried about me, reassured me, told me how much she missed me and told me at least we're together.. I don't know why I told her.. I hate appearing weak, especially to her.. I should be stronger than this for her and for myself.. It just hurts so deep down. I've never experienced this kind of pain.. I've been through a lot.. but nothing compares to this..

The only thing opening yourself up to her like this will do is
1. Destroy your pride
2. Wonders for your relationship

Man, you can tell her how hard things are for you, sometimes even be helpless and need her and it's okay. And other times it may be hard, but you can still be strong. If you don't have emotions you aren't strong, you're a robot.

I wish I would be able to cry in front of 13000km more. Because she doesn't see me cry I have to make sure that I tell her a lot just how much I miss her. She'd rather have a blubbering mess who can't stand being away from her than a strong tin can that doesn't care either way.

Uh... I'm pretty sure it's normal for anyone, male or female, to cry when they're very upset. It's only because a lot of guys are brought up that they have to show no 'weak' emotions that it's not exactly as open a thing as when a woman cries. Doesn't mean a man who admits to crying isn't normal.

You beat me to it.

[BlueCat]

I broke one of my own rules today.. I told her how much I was hurting inside, and how sad I am. She said she was worried about me, reassured me, told me how much she missed me and told me at least we're together.. I don't know why I told her.. I hate appearing weak, especially to her.. I should be stronger than this for her and for myself.. It just hurts so deep down. I've never experienced this kind of pain.. I've been through a lot.. but nothing compares to this..

You remind me of my SO, he says that he usually doesn't like to let me see how much it hurts, because he knows I have a hard enough time with it as it is. Which I don't think is fair on him in a way, but it's very sweet of him to do. Every now and then when I'm really worried about him he'll tell me how he is or isn't coping. But he likes to be strong for us both. I'm the only one that sends long e-mails or texts regarding how hard it is to cope and how much I hate the distance and hate being strong and that I can't deal with it anymore etc. Yet he always has the right words to say to make me feel better about it.

In terms of the pain, we both knew it would be hard and we were right, it was. And the first seperation was hard. But we thought it would be ok because we'd visit again and we'd get used to the situation. But the thing I've found is that each seperation only hurts more because more time has passed for you to grow closer. At least I find that each seperation hurts more than the last. All you can do is bear it and hope for the next visit.

[princessmeg1328]

I'm going through the same thing right now. My SO just left on Saturday after being here for a week. It's hard watching the person you love either walk away from you or to be the one having to walk away because the time together is over. One of the things that helps me is knowing that at least I'm not going through this alone. He is missing me as much as I'm missing him. I think that you opening up to you SO is a great thing. Now she knows that you hurt too. Start talking to her about the next visit. I think that knowing I'm going to see my SO in just over a month is what made his leaving this time not hurt as much. If you ever want to talk or have a pity party together or something, just let me know. I know that you will pull yourself out of this. It's hard, but you can do it.

[rori795]

I think that your reaction and your opening up about your feelings to her are extremely healthy.

In my last LDR, my SO wouldn't tell me he missed me, wouldn't let on that he was sad when we were leaving each other, and almost made me feel like i was over-reacting when I cried. It was a horrible feeling, because it made me feel like he didn't care and like he didn't want me, and ultimately that's one of the reasons that we broke up.

In my current LDR, my SO is well.... kind of emo. Not in like the slit your wrists and wear makeup way. But he appreciates the beauty of nature, writes poetry, sings me his made up love songs, and cries in front of me. So I guess sensitive may be a better word. But I see that as his strength. That society says that he's not supposed to do those things, and he does them anyway is incredibly strong, and shows me over and over how amazing of a person he is. That being said, he didn't cry when he left for the AF, but most likely because he actually left from his send-off party where there were about 50 people there to say goodbye. He did, however, look like a deer in headlights through most of the party. poor dear.

Basically what I'm getting at in this long ramble is that a willingness to communicate that you miss her so much is a strength and nothing at all to be ashamed of. It can only make your relationship better.

[Holiday]

I hope you never worry again about letting your SO know your feelings about this, because there are no rules that say one of you has to be stronger than the other. It's something you're both going through. Like everyone here has said, try as hard as you can to focus on the good things: the fact that you've met your SO, maybe trying to plan another visit soon, things you have in your daily life to keep you busy. Even though it feels like part of you is being ripped away when you have to separate, remember that the end of a visit just means the temporary end of your in-person togetherness. Nothing compares to being able to see and touch your SO, but even after you're home, you two can still talk to each other as much as you can and keep each other present in your lives, even if it's not physically.

I feel like I'm losing a part of myself every time a visit ends and it hurts like hell for a good while, and I'm so sorry you feel hurt about this, but again, you're not alone. Your SO is still there, still with you, and people on this board go through the same thing or something similar. You'll feel better soon, and you might even be surprised that you were able to go back to normal after you felt so hurt . Be sad when you need to and don't try to hold it in, just give it some time, distract yourself and remind yourself about what makes you happy.