Advice Please..

[Kiba]

I'm in a LDR now for about 4 months. I've met this girl on chat, and that started our relationship. We call each other through VOIP application everyday. She told me about herself and i could say that she is a "spoiled brat" and "perfectionist". And because of that i always get indirect harsh words whenever she gets irritated of me or of something, but i didn't complain and just ignore it. It's just a small thing that doesn't need to get big. But the problem is this:

1. She have seen me through cam but I've only seen her in picture.
whenever i ask her why she didn't want to show herself to me, she always says the she doesn't want to, and if i still ask her why she will get mad at me and eventually turns to break up situation because she feels unfair about what she is doing to me. Well, at the first place i've never love her because of looks, but for who she is and that is all that matter, but, the thing is i just want to see her and i don't see a reason why she doesn't want me to see her.

2.Ex-boyfriend is phoning her. Once is enough. but it happens a lot. Although she always tells me that her ex phoned her, one corner of my mind asking why does she answer those calls?

3. She's always thinking of breaking up with me then eventually take her words back.. i don't know why. And every time he do that i'm starting to think that he can't set me free because of what i've shown to her that his past boyfriends cannot.

4. She can't or don't want to express what's she's thinking. I can't read her, and its hard for me.

5. I Still love her even though thats the way she treats me. And for that i am a fool. i just want to end this but i can't do it. I've fallen for someone that i don't know much..

I need advice please...

[Kiba]

All i said was the bad side i'm experiencing right now. She changed me in many ways. I'm a heavy drinker and smoker. When she said that she doesn't want me to do those things, i quickly stopped, and thanked her for that. I don't know whats with her that makes me change this much.. thats why it's hard for me to let go of her even if i'm hurt this much. I really don't know and i'm confused...

[13000km]

I don't exactly know what advice you're looking for...
Do you want advice on how to end it or what you should think in each of those situations?

[13000km]

I don't exactly know what advice you're looking for...
Do you want advice on how to end it or what you should think in each of those situations?

[Kiba]

I don't exactly know what advice you're looking for...
Do you want advice on how to end it or what you should think in each of those situations?

I'm looking for advice on what should i think and do about it.. Other half of my mind wants to give up, but the other doesn't want to.. i'm really confused plus were about 7000 miles away from each other...

[MoveAlong92]

hmmm idk..
the way you said it..
its like..
shes pretty unsure of her own feelings towards you..
shes probably likes you hanging around her..
thats why she takes it back when she said she wants to break up..
thats what i think..

For me..
whenever i have something unclear or problems about my relationship..
i would talk about it with my partner
tell my partner about whats been bothering me
we talk and try to get each others thought about it..
and try to clear things thats unclear

Maybe you should tell her whats bothering you

[BlueCat]

Personally, I don't know if you're at this stage yet, but I would never consider a meeting without seeing her on video chat first. To me, that's how I knew my SO was who he said he was. A photo could be of anybody, but seeing a person in 'real' time, seeing their reactions to things etc can really show a lot about them. I myself was wary about getting a webcam for a while, but did eventually cave once my SO started letting me see him on webcam, because it felt unfair to me (although mostly him, hehe) that I could see, but he couldn't see me. I find that that sort of thing needs to be a two way street. There's only so much contact and communication online couples can share, and for us webcam was a big step forward in that process.

In terms of the other things, I'm not really sure. But it doesn't sound like she's that committed to the relationship, I'd would be worried about the calls from the ex as well. But it's a tough situation.

[Kiba]

Well thats the problem, she doesn't want to show herself to me, and i don't know why. Every time i asked her, i would always get the same answer and eventually she will be mad at me... I can't think of any reason why she wouldn't want to show herself. So whenever my friends ask me why i still wasn't able to see her, i don't know what to tell them..

[Kiba]

Thanks for the reply. i appreciate it. I'll try your advice.. But what if she ignores me? I'm too soft when it comes to relationship.. that's my weakness... T_T

[nicole]

I did not start my LDR over the internet so I'm no expert, but I would be a bit concerned she doesn't seem to have a reason for not going on web-cam. If she had a reason, like she was still a bit wary about it and wanted to get to know you better then fair enough, but if she reacts by getting angry and threatening to break up with you... it seems a bit concerning to me. It also sounds as if she doesn't know what she wants, which is why she threatens to break up then takes it back again.

Maybe you should both sit down and voice what you both want out of this relationship. I would also ask her at least for a reason why she won't go on cam, then you can try and work on that too. Have you told her how this is making you feel? If she won't sit down and talk about it, maybe write her an email with your concerns- I know at least for me sometimes it's easier to write problems down the say them.

[MoveAlong92]

i agree with BlueCat
i wouldnt consider meeting someone ive never seen on webcam,
and yes, a picture just might be a picture of anybody

when it comes to relationship,
ive set limits and boundaries,
and one of it is, if i cant see you on webcam, but ive shown you myself then im sorry , bubbye..
well, thats just me

[Kiba]

I wish i could have done that from the start so that i'm not feeling this way.... T_T

[Kiba]

thanks i'll try your advice too nicole.

[Flora]

I didn't meet with my love on the internet, so I'm not sure about all of these things but all of these things that the guys told makes sence. Something is wrong if she doesn't want to show herself to you. I know it's hard and you told that you are light about these things but you hate to make her to talk about why is she doing this. Maybe she feels bad about herself or shy etc. in this ways you should just tell her that you will love her anyway or maybe there's another special problems behind it, but whatever is the reason you have to get to know it. If she just keep saying this and doesn't let you to talk about it say her that it's not a relationship this way. Yes, it's cruel, but true. If she can't trust in you this much it's not working.

And on the other hand no matter how many miles away you are living from your SO it still can works. I'm living 6000 miles away from my love but we still can solve it and we saw each other 3 times at the last year and here's lots of people who are living 9-10-11 thousands of miles away from each other, so don't worry about it.

Try to work it out! She really has to understand that you too have to talk about it if you really mean this relationship serious.

Good luck and be strong!

[Kiba]

Thanks For the Advice Flora.. I just hope i get my answers soon....