big fight :( what should i do?
hey everyone. i know this is kind of long, but i would really appreciate some advise. thanks for reading!
so.... my boyfriend, mike, and i are sophomores at 2 different colleges, about a 5 hour drive away from each other. neither of us has a reliable car and public transportation takes a much longer time to get from school to school, making visits extremely difficult on normal weekends. we are from the same town and have been dating since the beginning of high school, and have loose plans to stay together for a long time.
currently, mike is really mad at me. our spring breaks were the same week this semester, the first time a mid semester break has ever lined up for us.
every year, the ultimate frisbee team i play on (my main extra-curricular) goes on a spring break trip. last year i didn't go, in favor of visiting mike instead. i ended up out of the loop with the team. everyone became better friends without me, and also got a lot of playing experience that i didn't. as a result, i got hardly any playing time the rest of the season. after that happened, i decided i was going to go this year. it sounded ok at the time, as we assumed we would get to see each other over his spring break.
when we found out the breaks were the same week, i thought about not going on the trip. i talked to mike, and my parents. my parents though it was a good idea for me to go, and basically told mike not to stop me. he seemed kind of uneasy about it, but i decided to go anyway. i am not overly social and don't have many friends at college, so i thought the trip would be a chance to get to know some people a little better and have a lot of fun. having a few more friends would improve my college life significantly.
this semester ended up being really awful for mike. he's taking organic chemistry, along with some other really hard courses. part way through the first half of the semester, mike decided to come see me. we missed each other and he was worried about not getting to see me. it wasn't planned very far in advance, and he basically just told me what he was going to do. he got his parents to bring him down (his school is close to home) and we had a couple days together.
we had thought originally that we would make plans for one of us to visit the other on a weekend at some point. as i was leaving for spring break, i was going to try to go, but i couldn't get it to work out.
when we got to spring break, mike flipped out, and he has been mad ever since (break started 2 weeks ago, lasted 1 week). he thinks that my trip was unreasonable and that it shows that i don't care about him. he's just something in my life that i can box out sometimes to make room for other things. he doesn't think a week with friends on a trip is worth missing the chance to see each other.
he is very social, and makes friends easily. i do not. a chance to go on a trip with people means a lot to me. for a week, i lived in a vacation house with 17 of my teammates, and i got to know a lot of them better. i think it was really worth going.
i spent a lot of time talking to him on the phone while i was on my trip. i called him several times a day. we talked slightly less that we normally would during a week at college.
he also went on a spring break trip with a group from his school, and had a good time. my trip was also really fun, although i returned rather tired, disoriented, and behind on school work.
it's been a week back to classes and he's still just as mad as he was. we just argued for 3 hours on the phone. he just thinks i don't care about him. he tells me that if i really cared, i would do something, and that i haven't done anything to hold our relationship together. he is hurt that i think it is ok to not see him for the 11 weeks between his visit and the end of finals. he is really upset, and he wants me to do something to show him i care, to make things better. i have no idea what to do. i sent him a package in the mail, but that isn't enough. i had a lot to catch up on when i got back, so it didn't get in the mail until wednesday night, which he thinks is an unreasonably long time for me to take. he tells me that if i actually knew him i would know something to do and says that i'm selfish for not knowing anything about him.
he hardly ever freaks out like this, and i really don't know what to do. he doesn't like talking on the phone or online, and doesn't want to web cam. we usually watch some tv shows together online, but he watched all of this weeks episodes with his roommate instead. if we were home together, i would know what to do, but now i'm lost.
what should i do to make him feel better? was i wrong to go on my trip? (he wants me to say that i'm wrong and i shouldn't have gone, but i don't think that's true) how can i make it up to him?
so.... my boyfriend, mike, and i are sophomores at 2 different colleges, about a 5 hour drive away from each other. neither of us has a reliable car and public transportation takes a much longer time to get from school to school, making visits extremely difficult on normal weekends. we are from the same town and have been dating since the beginning of high school, and have loose plans to stay together for a long time.
currently, mike is really mad at me. our spring breaks were the same week this semester, the first time a mid semester break has ever lined up for us.
every year, the ultimate frisbee team i play on (my main extra-curricular) goes on a spring break trip. last year i didn't go, in favor of visiting mike instead. i ended up out of the loop with the team. everyone became better friends without me, and also got a lot of playing experience that i didn't. as a result, i got hardly any playing time the rest of the season. after that happened, i decided i was going to go this year. it sounded ok at the time, as we assumed we would get to see each other over his spring break.
when we found out the breaks were the same week, i thought about not going on the trip. i talked to mike, and my parents. my parents though it was a good idea for me to go, and basically told mike not to stop me. he seemed kind of uneasy about it, but i decided to go anyway. i am not overly social and don't have many friends at college, so i thought the trip would be a chance to get to know some people a little better and have a lot of fun. having a few more friends would improve my college life significantly.
this semester ended up being really awful for mike. he's taking organic chemistry, along with some other really hard courses. part way through the first half of the semester, mike decided to come see me. we missed each other and he was worried about not getting to see me. it wasn't planned very far in advance, and he basically just told me what he was going to do. he got his parents to bring him down (his school is close to home) and we had a couple days together.
we had thought originally that we would make plans for one of us to visit the other on a weekend at some point. as i was leaving for spring break, i was going to try to go, but i couldn't get it to work out.
when we got to spring break, mike flipped out, and he has been mad ever since (break started 2 weeks ago, lasted 1 week). he thinks that my trip was unreasonable and that it shows that i don't care about him. he's just something in my life that i can box out sometimes to make room for other things. he doesn't think a week with friends on a trip is worth missing the chance to see each other.
he is very social, and makes friends easily. i do not. a chance to go on a trip with people means a lot to me. for a week, i lived in a vacation house with 17 of my teammates, and i got to know a lot of them better. i think it was really worth going.
i spent a lot of time talking to him on the phone while i was on my trip. i called him several times a day. we talked slightly less that we normally would during a week at college.
he also went on a spring break trip with a group from his school, and had a good time. my trip was also really fun, although i returned rather tired, disoriented, and behind on school work.
it's been a week back to classes and he's still just as mad as he was. we just argued for 3 hours on the phone. he just thinks i don't care about him. he tells me that if i really cared, i would do something, and that i haven't done anything to hold our relationship together. he is hurt that i think it is ok to not see him for the 11 weeks between his visit and the end of finals. he is really upset, and he wants me to do something to show him i care, to make things better. i have no idea what to do. i sent him a package in the mail, but that isn't enough. i had a lot to catch up on when i got back, so it didn't get in the mail until wednesday night, which he thinks is an unreasonably long time for me to take. he tells me that if i actually knew him i would know something to do and says that i'm selfish for not knowing anything about him.
he hardly ever freaks out like this, and i really don't know what to do. he doesn't like talking on the phone or online, and doesn't want to web cam. we usually watch some tv shows together online, but he watched all of this weeks episodes with his roommate instead. if we were home together, i would know what to do, but now i'm lost.
what should i do to make him feel better? was i wrong to go on my trip? (he wants me to say that i'm wrong and i shouldn't have gone, but i don't think that's true) how can i make it up to him?
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