he wants a break for next 2 years!!! :(

[judith]

hey all, i apologize if this gets too long...but i could really use some advice and help now,,,,
well me and my bf were together for almost 3 yrs...(4 days short of our 3rd anniversary he told me he wanted a break)....the thing is he visited me last sept...and when he went back he joined his ship and came home back 2 weeks ago,,,all this while he told me next time u come down and i will pay and stuff (coz i was studying and dont have any cash on me).and i told him once i have i will pay him half the expenses....but he kept on saying he will pay and dat doesnt matter what he just wants 2 see me,,,but the thing was 2 see me he had 2 first talk 2 my parents...coz without their consent i wudnt hve gone...they know about him but they had never spoken..so i thught this was the great time to introduce him to them so that they could allow me to go without any problems...but then suddenly my bf decides that for now he doesnt want to do any commitments and promises and dat he is afraid that until i go down 2 stay in his city forever it will be too late and there wont be any love left between us...so he doesnt want to commit 2 parents now just because he is afraid he mite fail everyone in the end....and talking 2 my parents he has been delaying all these 3 yrs telling me today we will tomorrow we will and so on,,,and now he just shocked me saying he wants a break of 2 years..or until i go and stay with him for that matter...whihc mite take atleast between 1-2 years...and he knows all d reasons y i cant just move to him right now,,,,but the thing is he wants 2 be on talking basis till then...says he needs the break just to figure things out...i am not sure break will help here and dat too a break of sooooooo longgggg,,,,,but he keeps on saying we can still be good friends and i want 2 share stuff with u as i used to and i want 2 hear from u...and i cant live without you...and also says we can be good friends if i try to do so without any melodramatic stuff...i was like if i am melodramatic then its just the consequences of what u r doing right now,,,,plus he even said u always told me to be clear and now when i am u r taking it wrongly...but basically i cnt understand what good a break wud do??? and dat 2 of 2 yrs?? i am totally lostttt......shud i wait for him??? shud i not??? shud i keep talking 2 him??? or will it just hurt moree??? wud really use some help,,,,,
he even said dont tke into account the promises and commitments he did 2 me for d past 3 yrs coz then we were just small care free ppl having no extra responsiblites...(we were 22 when we began our ldr)....and nw der r other things 2 think abt,,,,like career and buying a house and all dat....is he just afraid??? he told me hes scared dat if he talks 2 my parents now then if der r no feelings left hes afraid 2 be stuck with each other for no reason,,,,so i told him then lets nt meet lets jus keep on being in a ldr but for even dat hes just no ready... ,,,,,,says the ldr is extra thinking for no reason!!!! .......
help me plss...i feel betrayeddddd.....was i wrong in telling him he shud be clear????

[snow_girl]

I think that sounds a little bogus. He wants to be with you when its convenient for him. Until he can actually be with you he wants to be able to see other people and be free to do what he wants. You can't just pop a switch on and off when you are together and when you are not, thats not fair to you. Do you really want to be with someone that only wants to be with you when you can physically together? I don't like the sounds of it.

[judith]

neither me....i told him hes being convinient..but he keeps on saying its not so,,,,and also how does he even expect me 2 be the same with him again...how can i be friends again just like we were before we got in a relationship.....he wants to eat the cake and also save the money..too selfish rite??

[snow_girl]

Yes. It's not fair to expect you are going to sit there any wait for him to want to be in a relationship with you. I think at this point its either break up or continue dating. Not break up for now with plans to get back together.

[judith]

yes dats what i told him...its its a break then its a break up...coz he doesnt want to continue dating,,,,,plus he even said hes not gonna see anyone else and stuff like dat...the thing is hes just confused and confusing me even more,,,,but i told him not to contact me anymore,,,....
thank u for the reply dear..

[Sano]

From reading your post (no offense >.<) but I dont trust him. If he's not sure he'll still have feelings for you in two years I wouldn't waste my time. For me, Im not looking to waste time on someone for a couple of months or years, its either you want to be with me, or you dont. You said you guys have been together for 3 years already, its about time he talks to your parents anyway. (why can't you go if he doesn't talk to them? Did he meet them when he came to you?) And if you guys are on break, I would assume that meant not talking at all. Im not the kind of person that can downgrade a relationship from lovers to friends. You should have a serious talk about this (if you want to be generous) It doesn't seem like he has a lot of respect for your feelings or your relationship if he's counting himself out already. I'd just break it off. Dont let him waste your time. You dont deserve to be put on hold while he figures out if he wants to be with you or not.

[judith]

thank u for the resply dear.....
and i cant go because i just dont wnt to lie to my parents where i am going...or lets say i just want to be clear about my status with him so that they would know things upright and not be worried if i fly to him....and no...he ddint meet them when he was here...though before coming here he said he would but then after coming here he changed his mind....(also his mom and sis were telling him 2 go back earlier so he even took a 5 days earlier flight than he was expected 2 stay)....

[Engel]

It siunds like he wants to go around a f#ck whoever he wants, enjoy his single life, and still have you waitting for him after he is tired of enjoying being single. and come on, 3 years together and he didnt want to met your parents? sorry, he is just not that into this relationshio (or wasnt) as you.

the day my so met me in person, he met my aunt and uncle, that talked to him and all, just to be sure he wasnt a kidnapper or whatever. and he understood that. he spent almost the whole first day with me my aunt and uncle without having time to be alone, until the night. by them they really liked him. XD
he introduced me to him mom a couple of weeks after. and the first opportunity we had, he met my mother and brother, and after my father and grandma.


sounds like he isnt ready for comittment.

---------- Post added at 06:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:46 PM ----------

Oh, sorry if this sounded a little harsh, if just i put myself in your place and got kind of mad at him. :x

[judith]

nah dats fine.....i need those harsh things 2 realize that i aint his puppet......and dat i wont wait for him....even if he keeps on saying he wont have any other girl!!! (i dnt belive coz 2 yrs is a long timee)

[judith]

and i told him i wot wait for him...he said y say such thingsss...we can wait and see where d break would take us....:-s :-s...said that good things might come outta ittt....:S :S :S

[Sano]

two years is too long for a wait and see

[judith]

....i am heart broken....even he will want to get back to me....i wont be able 2 take him back...lost all the trust!!!!!

[LadyMarchHare]

When breaks happen, the most they can sensibly go for is a couple of weeks, not a couple of years. A break that long you might as well call it the end of the relationship. Doesn't really matter how much you love the person, if they want a reduction back to 'just friends' for two years, you can't just sit on your butt all that time. Life is short, much shorter than we care to admit, and wasting two years on someone who may never come back to you... that's bogus. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt with stuff like this but I can't even begin to think of a logical reason for all this beyond the plain fact he doesn't want to be tied down, he wants some freedom, but at the same time he wants the comfort of knowing he's got you and that you'll baby him when he wants it.

Hate to say it, but you're better off cutting your losses here and finding someone who isn't going to suddenly have some midlife crisis and still string you along for the ride. He has issues and you don't need to be the one sorting them out for him. Really sorry to hear this, some people are just flat out dumb in the head and don't know what they're throwing away.

[judith]

u r rite ladymarchHare...very right...i cant just and cry,,,,for sumone who didnt value me much,,,,,but i know i will come out of this...might take some time coz he and me had come 2 a point where we were planning stuff like me moving 2 him in anoder year or 2....and then where i wud live and what i wud do and all that stuff...and also 2 the point of when we want to get married,,,,whihc would have been 3-4 years down the line,,,,so he EVEN said he needs a break coz all these things r so uncertain,,,he has given me like 1000 reasons y break is needed..and i dont find anyone of it relevant!
btw thanks so much for d reply .....

[Darth_Taco]

Yeah...not only is he cheap, but it sounds like an excuse to see other girls without having to tell you. It's a terrible excuse, I can't imagine anyone honestly falling for it. Just cut your losses and dump him now. Hold your tears too. If he find you that unimportant, treat the conceded bastard the same way.