Running Into Walls

[Zandria]

If it's not one issue from me, it's another, lol. Hopefully, this is my last one for awhile, but, I tend to notice that me and my SO's conversations are hitting dead ends after flowing for a while. He notices it as well, and both of us realized it's both of our faults. I know I'm the more aggressive one in the relationship, so I tend to ask more questions. Yet, at the same time I feel like I'm being overwhelming when I ask them, and I kind of expect him to ask me stuff, but he doesn't really. He tells me that he is unsure of what to say, which I guess is a normal guy thing, but still I want some effort to be made. So, that's how some of our conversations stop short. I'm in serious need of help guys, what should we do to keep our conversations from hitting walls, like what topics or stuff? Also, what do you guys do in your own relationships? :]

[Micah]

How often do you talk? If you are talking every day, and a lot each day, you could run into conversational lulls. I would suggest talking less so that you have more to talk about when you do talk. Also, talking less brings back some excitement because you actually get the chance to miss each other more and you have more to catch up on.

[kiara_silver]

This happens in our relationship too. I think im the one to ask questions more, even from the very beginning. He isn't as talkative. And im normally a very shy quiet person too. I love it when he's engaging and shares about his days or asks question. But theres not always something to talk about everyday. It can be frustrating, and little worries like am i boring, is he losing intrest are we drifting apart. All these little fears. But i think take it a day at a time. Talk about just your day, or what you saw. Or what you would do if you were together, or watch a movie. For some couples, they would suggest not talking everyday, give some space. Me i perfer to talk to him whenever i can even if i don't have anything to say, just to be online with him. Sometimes silence is nice. One thing i like that i wish we could do more, is just be on camera together. Even if you don't have much to talk about, just have the camera up do your own thing but feel close and when u have something to say you can say it. We don't do this much, but a few times my SO would go on when he was busy working, and i wouldnt bug him much and we weren't talking but every now and then he would look up into the camera and tell me he loves me and just, that made me feel close to him. Sorry i don't really have to much advice, i go through this too. We go up and down with convo but no worries, this happens with alot of couples i think when it comes to LDR's. Like someone had said to me, those silences and when you have nothing to say are the moments you would just hold each other and cuddle. So just hang in there and enjoy doing your own thing

[Zandria]

How often do you talk? If you are talking every day, and a lot each day, you could run into conversational lulls. I would suggest talking less so that you have more to talk about when you do talk. Also, talking less brings back some excitement because you actually get the chance to miss each other more and you have more to catch up on.

How much less would you say, I mean we talk everyday, later towards the evening since I work during the day.

[Micah]

My SO and I used to talk about every 2 days, sometimes less. We would text every day, but only talk to each other on the phone every 2 days or so, for about 5-45 minutes. However, the past few months we usually talk every day, but if we don't have anything to talk about, we will just talk for a few minutes. I would say our average talk time is about 15 minutes. I personally don't like being the one that monopolizes the conversation, so I would rather have a short conversation where we were both participating rather than a conversation where I felt I was basically talking to myself. Then again, we have been together almost a year and see each other about every 3 weeks, so maybe we don't feel the need for super long conversations.

Additionally, we don't do webcam or anything unfortunately, so I can't really relate to those that have long webcam sessions like other people do here, but I have read on here that people don't talk the whole time they are on cam. Sometimes they just "hang out" on webcam. I am not really sure how that works, though. So, if you do the webcam thing, maybe you could find a game to play together or a movie to watch together if you want to still spend time together but don't have much to say.

[Zandria]

My SO and I used to talk about every 2 days, sometimes less. We would text every day, but only talk to each other on the phone every 2 days or so, for about 5-45 minutes. However, the past few months we usually talk every day, but if we don't have anything to talk about, we will just talk for a few minutes. I would say our average talk time is about 15 minutes. I personally don't like being the one that monopolizes the conversation, so I would rather have a short conversation where we were both participating rather than a conversation where I felt I was basically talking to myself. Then again, we have been together almost a year and see each other about every 3 weeks, so maybe we don't feel the need for super long conversations.

Additionally, we don't do webcam or anything unfortunately, so I can't really relate to those that have long webcam sessions like other people do here, but I have read on here that people don't talk the whole time they are on cam. Sometimes they just "hang out" on webcam. I am not really sure how that works, though. So, if you do the webcam thing, maybe you could find a game to play together or a movie to watch together if you want to still spend time together but don't have much to say.

We really don't talk on the phone much, I forgot to mention we text most of the time. Plus, it's hard that we both want to talk each other, and keep the conversation going, when it's stopped, lol. So, what do you guys text about I guess? And we do just hang out on Skype, just seeing each other and feeling like we're together is good enough for us.

[Micah]

I don't know... we're kind of boring texters. ; ) At the start of my relationship we sent texts a lot more than we do now. We would talk about everything under the sun because we were still in the getting to know each other phase, where we wanted to talk constantly. We have been past that phase for a while and have moved to more phone conversations over text messaging. So, now our texts are a lot fewer. We just text each other to say good morning and then if we have random things to say to one another throughout the day. Another thing we do is send pictures of funny stuff we encounter throughout the day. That sort of sparks conversations sometimes. Honestly, we like to save most conversations for when we can talk about them on the phone, though. I think sometimes you just progress from the stage of getting to know someone to a stage where you are more comfortable and know a ton about the person. So, sometimes there is just less to say at times... at least in my experience. We definitely do not text constantly throughout the day. It is only a handful of texts. And if I have nothing to text back to him, or vice versa, we just don't text for a few hours and then eventually one of us has something to bring up, or then by that time it is time for our nightly phone call, which I much prefer over text messaging. I'm not sure that really helped you, but I am sure if you and him really want to keep the conversation flowing, you can somehow! I think there's some books out there that have questions you can ask your partner as well, if you were interested in something like that.

By the way, I noticed he is from Iowa. I am too. Iowa guys are the best! ; ) My SO is also originally from Iowa.

[13000km]

We do the hang out on skype thing very often. When we text it'll be when I'm at work, so the odd text from me would be something a kid said/did in my class or my frustration with the management. His texts would be about whatever he was doing that evening/night (15 hour time difference). I guess 3 year olds make quite good conversation topics. (: But then again we don't really have text conversations since I'm running around all the time at work.