Friends that you just don't trust.

[Emma-Louise]

Ok so I have this friend, who to put it nicely, is easy. And she has a track record of going out with really nice and sweet guys, and sleeping with them, then when she gets bored she tears them apart and then plays the innocent act like it's their fault and gives them the name of the worlds biggest asshole then after. She is drawn to Drama. I've heard about her slef hamring and her eating disorders and her parents being the worlds worst. She's skinny, and pretty and a guy friend of mine once said, boys go for her because she's approachable. And she's an only child so she gets what she wants.

And now I'm worried because, she's been texting my SO, I don't know how she got his number, and she hasn't even said it to me that's she's been speaking to him everyday for almost 2 weeks. It seems ridiculous to be this worried since she is my friend and I do love her. But she's broken up relationships before. And I'm worried she'll do the same to me. When I first started going out with my SO, she said 'It probably won't last. He'll leave her when he realises he doesn't love her at all'

What do I do.. I can't tell her to stop talking to him, and telling him what to do, isn't part of our relationship. I need help. Cause I need her to stop.

[blankita719]

Sorry to say this, but that isn't really a friend. She got his number and started texting him behind your back? I realize you don't want to confront her, but you have to. You have to tell her that it's unacceptable, because right now, she probably feels like this is getting away with it. I've had friends like this, and honestly, they aren't my friends any longer. Friends are people you trust, not people you worry are going to break up your relationship. Your SO also needs to tell her to stop contacting him if he has not. Or delete her messages. And it's not telling him what to do if you tell him how these things make you feel. He should respect you enough to listen.

[redbellepepper]

And it's not telling him what to do if you tell him how these things make you feel. He should respect you enough to listen.

i agree with blankita719. i had the same issue with my "so-called" friend. out of the blue, she initiated talks and chats with my SO to the point that she was already flirting. the normal talks went as far as planning a visit to my SO!!! grrr!!! so i brought up my feelings to him. gladly, he respected my feelings and cut all forms of communications with her. my SO blocked her totally.

so go ahead and tell him how it affects you, how much it worries you. it's not about dictating him what to do. you're just letting him know how you feel about it.

*hugs*

[Yaaamiii]

She definitely isn't a friend to you :c Doing that kind of stuff behind your back? I don't think so...
A friend isn't someone who intentionally hurts you but rather the opposite.
Talk to your SO and tell him how you feel. If you don't, he'll never know :c

[kteire]

I agree with everyone else. Telling him it makes you uncomfortable with her texting him isn't the same as telling him to stop. And maybe let him know it's not that you don't trust him, it's just that it's weird for you (if you do trust him that way!)
What a terrible friend though. Was it him that told you she's been texting him then? Did he tell you at all his impression of it? I'd imagine my SO would be a bit taken aback if and of my female friends started texting him, considering he's met my best friend once, and the other one spent a night throwing herself at him when he and I had just started dating. And he hasn't met the rest as they're in Canada and he's in Ireland... so, weird, haha. Did they actually know each other pre-texting...?
Either way, talk to him. And if you really wanted to, talk to her. You don't have to tell her to stop, but maybe ask her why/how she started texting him. That just seems weird.

[lucybelle]

Yeah go ahead and talk to your SO about it. I feel like if you bring it up to your friend, she'll be excited about the drama that could ensue. So just bring it up calmly to your SO "I know you and so-and-so have been texting, but I would be more comfortable if you didn't text as much. She tries to break up relationships and I don't want that to happen to us"

Good luck

[lucybelle]

double post, oops!

[Flora]

I can't say any new. You have to talk to your SO and your "friend" too. It's just not okay. Actually I have been in this situation as your SO now. There was a friend of my boyfriend, we were just friends at the begining. He was always tell me his girl problems etc. and I was the only one who listened to him so he kept doing this. (I was sorry about his girl troubles) but after a while he started to flirting and say sexual kind of things. That was the point that I stopped and told it to my SO (okay, it's not nice to tear friendships apart but it wasn't okay in anyway) It turned out that he already had this problem a couple of times before that this guy tried to take away his previous girlfriends.... arghhh... I just hate people like this. Probably your SO just want to be nice with your friends but you have to tell him that is not okay and that your friend is usually like to tear relationships apart... (And anyway agreed, she is not a friend if she does these things.)

[Rugger]

I agree with what everyone else has said. Tell your SO what's you've told us. Tell him that you don't trust her and you'd rather him not text her as much ( or at all whatever). He should respect your feelings

[LadyMarchHare]

Sounds like she may have gone through your phone to get to his number. And personally I think you have every right to tell her she cannot talk to him because he is, after all, your boyfriend and she doesn't have much business speaking to him and you don't have any reason to trust what she may be doing is innocent. I would talk to your SO about it, he probably wasn't aware that YOU weren't aware of this.

Long story short I'd tell her to take a hike because she sounds more like a headache than someone you would be able to call a friend. A friendship requires trust and it's obvious you don't trust her, at least not with men.

[Engel]

I would tell my boyfriend not to talk to her because she is a whor3. i had a friend like that. that i have stoped talking too. she craves attention of any and every men. i would never let her talk to my SO. girls like that dont change. she isnt turstable. keep your eyes open.

[Engel]

Sorry to say this, but that isn't really a friend. She got his number and started texting him behind your back? I realize you don't want to confront her, but you have to. You have to tell her that it's unacceptable, because right now, she probably feels like this is getting away with it. I've had friends like this, and honestly, they aren't my friends any longer. Friends are people you trust, not people you worry are going to break up your relationship. Your SO also needs to tell her to stop contacting him if he has not. Or delete her messages. And it's not telling him what to do if you tell him how these things make you feel. He should respect you enough to listen.

THAT! confront her and tell her who she thinks she is to start texting him behind your back like that? she doesnt desearve your friendship. get rid of her while there is still time.

[Tanja]

I agree with everyone - you can ask her nicely to stop and if she listens then you can still be friends. But if she doesn't and still keeps chatting him up, tell her to get lost and fast. And btw, your SO should've told you about this asap if he knows that she's your friend. I would never chat with Andy's friend without telling him about it.

[Dziubka]

I agree with lucybelle in that I wouldn't talk to her. I don't know how good a friend she is (probably not a very close one), but imho telling her to stop texting him is the wrong approach.
She's single (or if she wasn't, it still was her SO's business) so she's free to text whoever she wants. In telling her, you'll probably appear like some jealous girlfriend and it would cause a lot of unnecessary drama.

I think if it really bothers you, you should talk to your boyfriend (Why's he even texting her back anyway?). Tell him calmly, that you know he's been texting with so-and-so, that you're not worried and you know he isn't going to do anything stupid, but that you're not comfortable with it because of her history....

[Emma-Louise]

See he was the one to tell me she's texting him anyway. He was like, 'Um.. She's texting me again today? =S' She's done some horrible things to him in the past. For example, blaming one of her ex's suicide attempt on him. And this was when we'd just started going out, and myself and my SO still hadn't met in person. I don't know why I'm friends with her anymore.