I haven't been really present here lately as other things have taken over in my life. We've been fine and even now we're still fine. It's me who has a bit of an issue.
I suppose it's time management.
We're 3 hours apart (I'm ahead of him). We've spoken before about it, but sometimes I think he forgets. Or it just doesn't register as that big of a deal since I don't make it a big deal. I should also note that I trust him completely, so it's not a matter at all of being suspicious about what he's doing in these time spaces. It would just be nice to know sometimes. Like to know what goes on in his life, so I can feel a bit more involved.
Here's the thing. I understand that he has more responsibilities than I do and that his aren't as flexible as mine. Except, from where I'm standing his responsibilities don't take up THIS much time. On a typical day he works 10a-3p. He doesn't come online until 6p (9p my time). I don't mind that. I know he's got dinner with the family and spends some time with them. Except then he'll have a day off and say that we'll have the day to spend together, but we don't. He gets online at the same time (sometimes later) than when he's working. The only difference is the night before he stays up a bit later, but for me that's staying up sometimes until 5a-6a. It messes up my sleep schedule and I'm just not very productive for the next few days. But I do it because I want to spend more time with him, especially because I know despite having the day off he won't be on any earlier.
This is also aside from the fact that he's constantly going afk when he is online. And it's not a little 5 minute break. Usually it's up to 20-30 minutes. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation. I mean, this wouldn't be such a big deal if we were closer and lived together. I suppose I wouldn't feel so ignored. Logically I figure he's just doing normal things like getting something to eat, talking to his family, playing with the dog, going to the washroom. Except he doesn't always say why. In fact, he's gotten into the habit of assuming that I know or I can figure it out.
On the same topic, something else that kind of bothers me is his willingness to just leave me to accompany his mom to pick up his sister from work. I get that it's late and he wants to make sure she'll be ok. It just kinda bothers me that no matter what we're doing (we could be watching something or playing a game) that he'll tell me, "I gotta go help get my sister." and ask to put what we're doing on hold until he gets back (2 hours later). Sometimes she tells him that it's ok and he doesn't have to go, but I get the feeling like he's disappointed. I don't really know what's going on there. If he just likes getting out of the house or what. Except it doesn't always make me feel very special...
I mean, I don't need to know exactly what he does in his spare time. It's just nice, y'know? Like if I go out to see a movie, eat at a restaurant, hell even watch tv... I tell him about it because I know he can't be here, so I try to share with him the things I do. Even the mundane things like going to the corner store. He doesn't like to make small talk or talk about unnecessary things. Which makes it a bit difficult on my end. I know he's done more that day than just go to work and eat dinner. More has to have happened. Except he doesn't share unless he thinks it's kind of a big deal.
I know these issues are purely from the distance. They either wouldn't exist or not even be an issue if we were closer. We don't have problems when we are able to spend time together and enjoy each other's company. Which is why I hate bringing it up because it's a bit of a downer. Like I said, I've mentioned it to him before. A few times actually. And I try to subtlety hint to him about it, like I'll tease him about sleeping in all day (I assume that's what he does) or that he comes online the same time on his day off. I have asked him what he's been up to, but he doesn't always give much back. Like he'll say, "Oh, so-and-so wanted to know something." or "It was nothing." I don't want to be too nosy (sometimes I feel like I am), but under the circumstances I just want to feel more involved...
I'm not sure what to do. I feel like if I bring it up again it's just going to end up being a long drawn out conversation (taking up more of our time) and having him beat himself up for being a bad boyfriend (which he totally is not!) or telling me that I'm "acting weird." Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Even if it's saying I'm over-thinking. I tend to do that sometimes.
Edit: I should also mention that he's been trying to quit smoking since last winter (although he doesn't tell me much about how it's going unless I ask). I know his mom and sister smoke, so I kinda wonder if these opportunities to get away is so he can go have a smoke... I wouldn't judge him if that's why. I just don't want him lying or hiding things from me. I know I said I'm not suspicious, but this is an after thought. Except I would think he would tell me something like this. And the last time I asked about his smoking he told me that he'd been still trying without elaborating. See? This is what I want to avoid though... if he shared the little things with me in the first place I wouldn't end up looking for things that might not even be there.
I suppose it's time management.
We're 3 hours apart (I'm ahead of him). We've spoken before about it, but sometimes I think he forgets. Or it just doesn't register as that big of a deal since I don't make it a big deal. I should also note that I trust him completely, so it's not a matter at all of being suspicious about what he's doing in these time spaces. It would just be nice to know sometimes. Like to know what goes on in his life, so I can feel a bit more involved.
Here's the thing. I understand that he has more responsibilities than I do and that his aren't as flexible as mine. Except, from where I'm standing his responsibilities don't take up THIS much time. On a typical day he works 10a-3p. He doesn't come online until 6p (9p my time). I don't mind that. I know he's got dinner with the family and spends some time with them. Except then he'll have a day off and say that we'll have the day to spend together, but we don't. He gets online at the same time (sometimes later) than when he's working. The only difference is the night before he stays up a bit later, but for me that's staying up sometimes until 5a-6a. It messes up my sleep schedule and I'm just not very productive for the next few days. But I do it because I want to spend more time with him, especially because I know despite having the day off he won't be on any earlier.
This is also aside from the fact that he's constantly going afk when he is online. And it's not a little 5 minute break. Usually it's up to 20-30 minutes. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation. I mean, this wouldn't be such a big deal if we were closer and lived together. I suppose I wouldn't feel so ignored. Logically I figure he's just doing normal things like getting something to eat, talking to his family, playing with the dog, going to the washroom. Except he doesn't always say why. In fact, he's gotten into the habit of assuming that I know or I can figure it out.
On the same topic, something else that kind of bothers me is his willingness to just leave me to accompany his mom to pick up his sister from work. I get that it's late and he wants to make sure she'll be ok. It just kinda bothers me that no matter what we're doing (we could be watching something or playing a game) that he'll tell me, "I gotta go help get my sister." and ask to put what we're doing on hold until he gets back (2 hours later). Sometimes she tells him that it's ok and he doesn't have to go, but I get the feeling like he's disappointed. I don't really know what's going on there. If he just likes getting out of the house or what. Except it doesn't always make me feel very special...
I mean, I don't need to know exactly what he does in his spare time. It's just nice, y'know? Like if I go out to see a movie, eat at a restaurant, hell even watch tv... I tell him about it because I know he can't be here, so I try to share with him the things I do. Even the mundane things like going to the corner store. He doesn't like to make small talk or talk about unnecessary things. Which makes it a bit difficult on my end. I know he's done more that day than just go to work and eat dinner. More has to have happened. Except he doesn't share unless he thinks it's kind of a big deal.
I know these issues are purely from the distance. They either wouldn't exist or not even be an issue if we were closer. We don't have problems when we are able to spend time together and enjoy each other's company. Which is why I hate bringing it up because it's a bit of a downer. Like I said, I've mentioned it to him before. A few times actually. And I try to subtlety hint to him about it, like I'll tease him about sleeping in all day (I assume that's what he does) or that he comes online the same time on his day off. I have asked him what he's been up to, but he doesn't always give much back. Like he'll say, "Oh, so-and-so wanted to know something." or "It was nothing." I don't want to be too nosy (sometimes I feel like I am), but under the circumstances I just want to feel more involved...
I'm not sure what to do. I feel like if I bring it up again it's just going to end up being a long drawn out conversation (taking up more of our time) and having him beat himself up for being a bad boyfriend (which he totally is not!) or telling me that I'm "acting weird." Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Even if it's saying I'm over-thinking. I tend to do that sometimes.
Edit: I should also mention that he's been trying to quit smoking since last winter (although he doesn't tell me much about how it's going unless I ask). I know his mom and sister smoke, so I kinda wonder if these opportunities to get away is so he can go have a smoke... I wouldn't judge him if that's why. I just don't want him lying or hiding things from me. I know I said I'm not suspicious, but this is an after thought. Except I would think he would tell me something like this. And the last time I asked about his smoking he told me that he'd been still trying without elaborating. See? This is what I want to avoid though... if he shared the little things with me in the first place I wouldn't end up looking for things that might not even be there.
Comment