i don't know how to be strong for the both of us

[Joyce:)]

We made it a year so far (and we got through not a few obstacles), he's on the west coast, i'm in Italy, soon to go to university in England for the next four years.

We met in May 2010, when I was in the states for an exchange, dated CD for 2 months, saw each other for two weeks after 5 months of being apart, saw each other again for a week this last march and i'll visit him for 60 days in 49 days.

There's no way i could ask my parents to sent me to college in america, the tuition is ridiculously expensive, so i have no way to close the distance anytime soon.

My mum is english, so i figured i should take up the opportunity of studying psychology in england, and i know that this will probably change my LDR a bit, giving me less time to talk to my SO and finding time to enjoy college.

My boyfriend has just finished his freshman year in college, so i've had a way to see how managing time can get hard, and i'm getting scared i'll be bad at it.

Plus, recently he's been feeling really sad about distance, and not being able to have a normal relationship, taking me out on dates, and i'm getting so scared he's going to give up.
I am really trying to be strong for the both of us, it was okay until i had to be strong for me, but now i'm scared i won't be able to keep him strong. He loves me, he says i'm the one, he tells me things he doesn't tell anyone, he can see our lives together one day, but yet he is shaking in front of the idea of spending so much time apart.

Knowing that we have 4 years in front of us before we can close the distance really scares me. i feel like he could give up, and this makes me feel so powerless. I hate distance, i hate that we're so far away, that i cannot change this situation.

How long have you been long distance, and how long will you have to wait to close the distance forever? i need to know this is possible, he is my everything, i really need to know that we can make it, that it has happened before, that people can overcome such a distance for such a long time. I'm sorry i sound so negative, i'm just scared.

[Dziubka]

First of:
I think everyone of us has these moments where we're wondering how we're supposed to stand another x years of distance. It just becomes so overwhelming and seems so difficult at times.
But in the end, it's always worth it. Just because it's ridiculously difficult sometimes, doesn't mean it's impossible. Remind yourself why you're with him and how it feels to spend time with him and you'll remember what you're doing this for.

Enough of the theoretical stuff.
When you go to England, will you still be able to visit each other regularly? As in will you have the time and the funding for it?
Do you have any long term plans? Like are you planning to go to the US after you're done with school in England?

To me being able to see each other regularly and planning to eventually end the distance, even if it's not going to be for another three, four or even more years is what keeps me going in my LDR.
My boyfriend and I had originally planned to close the distance a year and a half after we had become LDR (we had been CD for 3 months in the beginning, too). Life doesn't always go as planned and now we won't be able to close the distance for another three years at least. We will have probably have been long distance for four or five years by the time we'll finally be able to live together permanently.
It sucks. I hate not knowing when exactly it will be, I hate knowing that I'll be travelling and counting the days until I get to see him for years to come.
But under the given circumstances, there's really not much we can do about this. I don't want to compromise on my education and neither does he. We wouldn't want the other one to do that anyway.
Really four years isn't even that long, when you're looking at it from a lifetime perspective. I know that it seems long right now (hell, it for sure does to me), but it'll go by in a breeze.
Maybe you can try to close the distance, at least temporarily, while you're still studying? Check the unis you want to go to for exchange programmes, look into internships, summer schools and so on?

[Joyce:)]

Yes i will manage to see him, my dad said he will pay for my trips and so on, so at least i have that going for our relationship. But still, now i will have to set aside time to see my SO, and time to see my family back in italy.
My SO has been thinking about a semester abroad from autumn 2012, but his college isn't linked to the university i migh attend, and this whole project is anyway just an idea, nothing set in stone.
Usually a degree in england is 3 years, mine will be 4 because the third year is a placement year, where i have to do working experience or some project either in the UK, or in europe, on in America, and although i'd love to spend that year in my boyfriend's city, it's not certain that i can find a job or research project i can join.

[13000km]

I'm most definitely not the strong one in our relationship, but because of that I'm the one pushing for us to close the distance sooner, constantly coming up with ways we can be together. Our initial plan was to meet 2 years into our relationship to go for the most epic adventure of our lives (really it was just backpacking through Asia), so I got a job right after graduating from polytechnic and he worked his butt off and we both started saving religiously.

About half a year in the distance got to me, but we figured out that with my full time job we will have enough money to spend on a visit, so we planned one for the end of last year. But things got waaay harder after I came back and it was a constant struggle for me. We tried to stick to the plan but realised the big flaw in it that we'd need to have something to rely on when we were done, so getting our degrees before we traveled (when we still had the money to) was the way to go.

We looked up different options and the moment I figured out I could go to school there I latched on to that idea and refused to let go. Some Big discussions with my parents, boyfriend and godparents later, I took the plunge and now I'm awaiting acceptance into the same school my boyfriend will be transferring to in the fall.

A lot of aspects of a LDR are ridiculously scary. I'm sure if we could have visited more it would have been less hard on me. But with the circumstances, we have to keep reminding ourselves what the end point is and stick to it. In my opinion the lack of strength can be turned positive if it pushes you to be a little more creative with a little bit more impulsiveness.

Wow I'm sorry, didn't mean to make this so long. /:

[kiara_silver]

I can see why your scared. Distance is scaring at times. And there are alot of questions and fears that come up. For me i've been in a LDR for 2 years, first time meeting this June, and we have no official date on when we will close the distance for good. Most likely it will be another 2-4 years im thinking. Possibly longer, maybe shorter, theres no plans or guarantees for us when. And there have been times where both of got depressed and questioned weather it was fair to each other to continue in a relationship like this. But it is very possible. If the two people in the relationship really want it and really can't imagine being with anyone else. It takes alot of strength. and you need a partner you can lean on and who's there emotionally for you, but it is so possible. There are some who managed to stay strong for 5+ years in a LDR and still happily together. I think it helps though to talk about closing the distance, knowing that both sides wants this, and your both making this a goal, helps keep you moving forward, i think visits are good too, even if you cant do more than 1 visit a year, sometimes longer, but that keeps you strong too. Just be open and communicate with your SO. Don't give up, cause yeah it will get hard at times, but it is so worth the wait.

[Joyce:)]

I'm most definitely not the strong one in our relationship, but because of that I'm the one pushing for us to close the distance sooner, constantly coming up with ways we can be together. Our initial plan was to meet 2 years into our relationship to go for the most epic adventure of our lives (really it was just backpacking through Asia), so I got a job right after graduating from polytechnic and he worked his butt off and we both started saving religiously.

About half a year in the distance got to me, but we figured out that with my full time job we will have enough money to spend on a visit, so we planned one for the end of last year. But things got waaay harder after I came back and it was a constant struggle for me. We tried to stick to the plan but realised the big flaw in it that we'd need to have something to rely on when we were done, so getting our degrees before we traveled (when we still had the money to) was the way to go.

We looked up different options and the moment I figured out I could go to school there I latched on to that idea and refused to let go. Some Big discussions with my parents, boyfriend and godparents later, I took the plunge and now I'm awaiting acceptance into the same school my boyfriend will be transferring to in the fall.

A lot of aspects of a LDR are ridiculously scary. I'm sure if we could have visited more it would have been less hard on me. But with the circumstances, we have to keep reminding ourselves what the end point is and stick to it. In my opinion the lack of strength can be turned positive if it pushes you to be a little more creative with a little bit more impulsiveness.

Wow I'm sorry, didn't mean to make this so long. /:

ahah don't apologize for it being long, it makes me feel better to know that relationships can work even when a closing the distance date isn't set yet.
Last summer i was so confident that my dad would let me go over to america so i could study in my boyfriend's same college, but then i realized i was asking too much, since he had separated from my mum and was buying a house, and since, due to the economy, the government made some HUGE cuts on his salary.
I'm blessed that we can still afford with no problem to make me travel over to the states like twice a year, and that i have so many friends over there willing to let me stay with them, and that my SO wants to visit me too, but obviously it's not the same as closing the distance in a more steady way.
I really envy who is in a close distance relationship

[NaNi]

My SO and I have been long distance since the beginning, so 1.5 years. We'll probably be long distance for another... 2-3 years? Maybe? It could be shorter, it could be longer. We really don't know. My SO is going to uni and I'm going to school. Which means we're not making much or any money. We spent all the money we had on the very expensive trips (around $5000 each), so now there's nothing left. We need to get well-paid jobs first and save up some money. It's not easy. My SO is definitely the stronger one, but I'm trying.

[13000km]

ahah don't apologize for it being long, it makes me feel better to know that relationships can work even when a closing the distance date isn't set yet.
Last summer i was so confident that my dad would let me go over to america so i could study in my boyfriend's same college, but then i realized i was asking too much, since he had separated from my mum and was buying a house, and since, due to the economy, the government made some HUGE cuts on his salary.
I'm blessed that we can still afford with no problem to make me travel over to the states like twice a year, and that i have so many friends over there willing to let me stay with them, and that my SO wants to visit me too, but obviously it's not the same as closing the distance in a more steady way.
I really envy who is in a close distance relationship

You could even try making a rough draft of a plan to close the distance so you have something to work towards. Keep it very flexible and keep looking out for opportunities like study abroad programs, internships, service learning trips and such. For us we had all that money saved up but ended up taking a completely different route, but the money we saved enabled us to do so. I'm glad you guys are planning to have quite frequent visits in a year, that should help a little. I'm glad out of all this you still can see the ways that you are blessed. You're really much stronger than you think!

[JEREIANEDREI]

We made it a year so far (and we got through not a few obstacles), he's on the west coast, i'm in Italy, soon to go to university in England for the next four years.

We met in May 2010, when I was in the states for an exchange, dated CD for 2 months, saw each other for two weeks after 5 months of being apart, saw each other again for a week this last march and i'll visit him for 60 days in 49 days.

There's no way i could ask my parents to sent me to college in america, the tuition is ridiculously expensive, so i have no way to close the distance anytime soon.

My mum is english, so i figured i should take up the opportunity of studying psychology in england, and i know that this will probably change my LDR a bit, giving me less time to talk to my SO and finding time to enjoy college.

My boyfriend has just finished his freshman year in college, so i've had a way to see how managing time can get hard, and i'm getting scared i'll be bad at it.

Plus, recently he's been feeling really sad about distance, and not being able to have a normal relationship, taking me out on dates, and i'm getting so scared he's going to give up.
I am really trying to be strong for the both of us, it was okay until i had to be strong for me, but now i'm scared i won't be able to keep him strong. He loves me, he says i'm the one, he tells me things he doesn't tell anyone, he can see our lives together one day, but yet he is shaking in front of the idea of spending so much time apart.

Knowing that we have 4 years in front of us before we can close the distance really scares me. i feel like he could give up, and this makes me feel so powerless. I hate distance, i hate that we're so far away, that i cannot change this situation.

How long have you been long distance, and how long will you have to wait to close the distance forever? i need to know this is possible, he is my everything, i really need to know that we can make it, that it has happened before, that people can overcome such a distance for such a long time. I'm sorry i sound so negative, i'm just scared.

you're not being negative it's just normal to feel...same here we had the same situation,,we've been CDR at first,,then now LDR for 7 months time,,its hard for me too much,..and this loneliness i feel is killin me,..i feel like im dying...it makes me feel so weak,,now im emotionally sick,..but all i'm having in myself is the faith of our Love for each other,,my Man also showing weakness now,,to know that sometimes he is getting rid of me,,just for him not to see me that much coz I know he himself feel so lonely too without me...I love him so much,,and I know I need to be strong,,,for I know that God is with us,,.I miss him so bad now,..but be strong,,be brave...be positive...nothing is impossible if u really LOVE EACH OTHER

[BlueCat]

Since we met online, over 6 years ago, or since we met in person it's been 5 years of long distance (except for visits). At this point in time, it's been 16 months that we've been seperated and I hate it. I know that my SO is the strong one, he hardly ever mentions how hard it is, how horrible he's finding it, how he can't cope etc. I'm always the one sending messages with those in it. And somehow, he manages to take all that on board along with his own troubles and keep us fighting through it. So you will get there. He seems to not tell me how he's struggling, so that it keeps me strong, which is sweet. As much as I struggle with the distance, and want the distance to be over, and at times fear for the future (more seperations etc), I would never give up what we have, I couldn't. It hurts, and it scares me and I get so run down from it, but I love him, and that's all there is to it. Just keep doing what you're doing, be there for him, support him when you can and reassure each other. It can help to send him little gifts, it helps to renew the physical connection, even if it's only a letter on paper, having something in his hands from you can really help, I know it helps me.

You will get through it though, there's been times when I've questioned the relationship, but it's only because I'm hurting and scared because of the distance, but it never meant that I wanted to end it. You're seeing him soon, maybe get him to focus on that, tell him how close it is and how soon you'll be together, I think that will help, and you'll have a great time together which will help give him strength to endure the next seperation.

[MusicalSoul22]

Well I just went from a cdr for 4 years to a ldr for 18months so I haven't been in it long but I have to say that when all my friends said it would fly by I didn't believe them..it seems like he just left yesterday..but time is flying. That's what I take comfort in. I know there will be days where I want to pack my bags and go to him...but the imprtant thing is to focus on the things you needto do..and it will fly by.