I'm a bit bummed :(

[Crimson_Petal]

Ok, it's still early days for Jorge and I but I figured since it's been three months that it was as good a time as any to tell my mum. Now, I was expecting my mum to be happy or at least curious about my new relationship seeing as she and my dad met in the same way 25 years ago. But no, she didn't want to hear about it. She got upset and just said that 'you're not moving to New Zealand ever and that's that', that when she moved from America she 'lost any relationship with her family and that I will not let that happen with us'. She didn't even want to know his name. She said that she hoped I was happy but that this would be the last time we'd be talking about this. I just wanted to share this piece of happiness with my mum. She saw how devastated I was when my ex and I broke up and after a year you'd think she'd be glad that I had someone who made me really really happy. Even if it's not 'convenient'.
I understand that the idea of her only daughter leaving her for another country (even though this is WELL off in the future) is upsetting and she knows this stuff from personal experience but my relationship with her and the relationship she had with her mother are worlds apart.
It's just made me all a little upset and like if he and I progress further with our relationship that we'll be effectively 'ruining' someone else's life. If not my family, then it will certainly upset the balance in his family. I started feeling like an idiot that I'd let myself fall in love with this guy because she really just made it seem like I shouldn't want to be with him as it will hurt other people. At the same time I can't help feeling that he and I were meant to meet. There were so many times where something different could have led us down a path that meant we hadn't started talking and I find it difficult to ignore that. Of all the 7 billion people on this earth, I met this guy, got to know him, fell in love with him and had him fall for me.
This all just sucks. I was feeling so optimistic earlier as well.

[theyellowdart]

Well like you said, this is all really early on in your relationship, and that future you are shooting for is "WELL off in the future." So who knows what could happen between now and than, you know? Only time will tell. Maybe your mom will change her mind in due time. I'm sure the whole idea is just a shock to her at the moment because it came out of the blue.. Just be happy with your relationship for how it is now, and the pieces will fall into place one way or another, im sure!

[kiara_silver]

Yeah like mentioned, it is still far ahead in the future. Your still just starting your relationship and many possibility's can come up. I to face this problem, with me from the U.S and him over in the U.K. No matter what we choose one of us will have to be moving away from our family and friends. And this is hard and something to really think about. How i see it tho, is in the end its your life. Your parents got to fall in love and live there lives. And you don't want to miss out on something as great as love, because if its the real thing, this only happens once in a life time, and its not something i would want to miss out on. As far as deciding on moving, i think it gets easier to make that decission when your at that stage in your relationship. No it won't be easy to leave your family (weather it be you or him) But when your at that point where you know you want to get married and spend forever then i think it won't be as hard to move ahead with life together.
But for now don't stress about that, let your mom know thats still to far ahead, that your not planning to leave her anytime soon. And just focus on getting to know your SO and let time pass, things will fall into place. Thats my opinion.

[Silviar]

For that matter, why does she assume you'll move there? If you're three months into your relationship, you don't KNOW where you'll end up. So many things could change between those times, even if you're leaning towards New Zealand now, that who knows? Not only that, but times have changed immensely since then. You can video chat every day if you want with your parents.

However, she does have a valid point for you to remember - you ARE trading one long distance relationship for another, whoever moves. Make sure to think of ways to keep them included in your life when the time comes. When I moved to Oz, my mom said lots of really sad, borderline passive-aggressive things, and it wasn't out of her trying to even stop me, but rather because of dealing with her own sadness about my move. When the move comes, there's a lot of emotions people process and they'll say some things they don't realize are hurtful then, too. It's just their way of dealing, try not to take it too personally.

[Crimson_Petal]

I know you're all right. It just upset me because I was really excited to tell her about him and it felt like I was getting shot down. I never even mentioned moving or anything I just wanted to clear stuff up as I'd been hinting at it recently and she usually prods about these things. Thought it would be good to have an open conversation about it. It just wasn't what I've expected to happen.
Thanks for replying.

[FadedSunrise]

All the above people have very valid points, but I just wanted to add that: at least...you were not forbidden from continuing the relationship. The same thing played out in my relationship, early, as in yours. We'd gotten together late December, my parents then found in late January one of the letters he sent me(sadly, before telling him to mail it to my house I forgot that I have zero mail privacy and everything gets opened for me =_=), and DEMANDED to know what it was. I told them, I stupidly hoped they'd be happy, but instead they were FURIOUS. They said in no way was I allowed to have a committed relationship at my age(20), and laid down all sorts of guilt about me moving to his country(I was originally from there, we moved to America, and they parents basically guilted me about not loving them and wasting the effort they put to move me here). They also implied I was easy, and kept asking if we had had sex in a very accusing tone.

Obviously, they made me break up, but I got back together secretly. To be honest, I'm just as miffed as you are =_=

[Crimson_Petal]

Goodness, you're 20 years old and they still did that? I would be furious if my parents did anything like that. They can be as upset as they want but at my age (also 20) if they try and meddle in the day to day running of my life they will get shot down. Also- I know this is terrible- but my mum once opened a letter I had from a friend who had a secret Hungarian boyfriend and was going to elope (she didn't and she was 25), she wanted to call her mother. I said if she called her mother it would be an invasion of HER privacy and more importantly I'd take her to court for going through my mail, which is actually technically a crime. It's our lives, we can let them in but I don't see why after a certain point they feel that they still need to treat us like 5 year olds (which is another rant about my mum, which doesn't need to be indulged in here). I hope things work out with you and your guy

[Xanahtas]

She is probably just shocked at you for having a bf in another country and scared of you getting hurt or something. Im sure she will get used to the idea and support you once she has let it sink in a little. Give it a few days or even a week or so and im sure she will see differently. My mum didnt really take it seriously at first despite the fact she was once in the same situation.
I hope your mum comes round and supports you and stuff. Dont feel too hurt about it, im sure she is just scared of losing you or you getting hurt.

[Crimson_Petal]

My mum didnt really take it seriously at first despite the fact she was once in the same situation.

Thanks for putting that, makes me feel less irritated. I think the main reason I was so upset is because I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for an international LDR so I certainly did not expect that to be her reaction.

[kiara_silver]

I think to from her side its also just as scary. Like you said how she went through this, she knows how she can possibly be losing her daughter in a way. My mom constantly brings this up to me, making me promise never to run away with him, She doesn't one me to one day disappear. I've told her i would never do that, if i moved away i would let her know ahead of time. She doesn't want me to leave. I mean if you think about it in your parents perceptive, the baby they raised and watched grow up, leaving them. Its understandable that they would be upset or against a LDR at first. But with time, if they see how happy your SO makes you. In the end they would want you to be happy? And if that means leaving to start a new life with the guy you love, i think they can be acepting of it over time. Its hard on both sides.
My parents weren't fully supportive, still on the fence about my relationship. My mom i think for awhile thought that this wouldn't last, but now that were meeting, shes come to accept it, she still of course isn't 100% on board but she keeps bringing up my future plans with him and tells me to be careful. My dad on the other hand, he knows very well how i feel, but i feel he refuses to accept it, always refers to Nathan as "my friend" when he knows and ive told him i love him, seen some things i wrote, hears about our anniversaries and such. But he is aware of it, and i think getting it slowly that this relationship is serious. I think just over all is time that helps. The more that passes and your still crazy about your SO and start having those serious talks, the ones around you see and notice this too, and will slowly support you.

[Phwoar]

I know how you feel I've only been with mine 2 months properly after meeting etc. and my parents just found out and do not like the idea what so ever.
I keep being told it's because they care and are worried but obviously it hurts when they don't see it as you being happy.
Give your mum time and she'll come round eventually she will juts need time to get used to it and when she does she will just realise that you are both happy together and your happiness is all that matters.