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**agentholli** · March 28, 2010, 09:47 PM

I am sorry. I don't have any advice but i wanted to say i was sorry you are going through that. I wish you the best of luck

**garnet** · March 28, 2010, 09:59 PM

Eesh! I can certainly understand your frustrations here! I also understand not liking to speak on mic... I hate it too. I held off on it for a long time with Rane. I do it now without issue now though. I wish I had some advice. Your bf sounds very grounded in his opinion about this. And thats too bad because talking and hearing each other is so important. You are doing everything you can.... I don't know what to say. I hope he comes around.

**Gemini** · March 28, 2010, 10:02 PM

Thanks so much for the replies!! really appreciate it...

And yeah i dont know what to do anymore we have been going out for a year now and yeah iv been trying its hard cause i feel like its kinda hurting the relationship a bit... i hope i can figure out something im scared a bit i dont know its so frustrating....so many limitations that we have

**Zephii** · March 29, 2010, 12:34 AM

I see from your profile that you have not met in person. So I think you might be able to explain this to him in the same way Obi convinced me. I hated mic's and cams. I wouldnt use a cam until we'd known each other more than 4 years and he bought it for me, and for a very long time, he used a mic and i'd type my reply, i was just too scared to use a mic to talk back.
I also didn't want to send pictures. So he was giving me these things but was recieveing nothing of me in return (he'd get gifts and letters, but nothing ME). He explained to me that in a primarily online relationship you have to give these things to indugle the senses that are missing out because of the distance.
Relationships are more than mental, and these things cam/mic/photos/clothing swap help the other person be more real, more involved. Oh I don't say it as well as he did! But, just explain that they are necessary for the relationship to progress, and then perhaps back off for a little while. I know it took me a long time to come around and understand what Obi was trying to tell me, to be less afraid. Good luck

**Caity** · March 29, 2010, 01:43 AM

My SO used to be really bad with goin on cam/mic. He was way too shy. When i did get a mic we started off with just me talking to him and him typing. He was too shy that he couldn't manage to get a word out so he'd type replies, but it was still nice hearing him even though he wasn't talking. He also didnt get a cam till way after i did and even though i'd been shy at first, i was used to going on it almost everyday. His cam had been broken for ages and then he fixed it but was too shy to tell me till a while afterwards when he finally got the guts and so i saw him for the first time =D . Then we just went on more often and once he had his cam and mic working at the same time it was much easier for him to talk and now we do it all the time.
Maybe you just need to give him some more time to get used to it, though it's not fair of him making this argument with you when you were only trying to help him. Just keep gently prodding him to go on the cam and mic more, and see if he'll do them at the same time. That might help him get used to it more.

**Mio** · March 29, 2010, 09:42 AM

I'm sorry you're going thru hard times, I hope you can meet soon, and maybe this will make it more comfortable for him to communicate in the future.

**Gemini** · March 29, 2010, 11:28 AM

Thank you for the lovely responses! i appreciate them

We had a big talk about it when he came back online.....i promised i wouldnt mention webcam or mic to him he said he wanted to concore it on his own and....i dont know what else to do i tried almost everything and its been a year or so now and im just hopeing maybe he gets use to it

and yeah we are meeting at Christmas dont know if that will help any though ._. im hoping it will

**BJL_Sweetheart1109** · March 29, 2010, 09:31 PM

I'm sorry. I don't get it either. I talk to the SO on the phone (he's a few states away though) and we webcam. Some times it's a real hassle to get him to webcam though, I normally have to almost beg. It's nice to hear his voice and see him....I understand where you're coming from. But I don't get him either! I'm sure it will work out!!

**Rane** · March 29, 2010, 10:22 PM

As Garnet said, when we first started our relationship, she was very anti talking, and also anti webcam, just because she was uncomfortable with it. I understood and didn't want her to be uncomfortable and force herself to do it. I just sort of started doing one way Skype, and I would just have my webcam on while we talked together, and then later also one way talking. It really was meeting in person that made all of the uncomfortableness go away. I guess the only advice I can give is to try and encourage him with him, but let him go at his own pace. As far as talking on the phone (I think that's what you were looking into doing, maybe I'm mistaken?), let him know how important it is to you, and like, his arguments about saying what a hassle it would be, well isn't a little hassle worth getting to hear your voice? Maybe the answer is that it isn't to him, and then you need to ask yourself if that's okay with you. Just my 2c on the issue, hope everything works out okay. >.<

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I want to hear his voice! but i cant....

I want to hear his voice! but i cant....

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