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**hxcbreakdance** · May 31, 2011, 11:31 PM

I had an ex whose mother absolutely hated me for no reason. It was just one thing after another, I wasn't pretty enough, I didn't do enough with my life etc. It's hard on both people so I can understand why you're upset. I can't really offer much advice accept for your SO to keep being nice, keep trying to impress, perhaps by them something nice for their birthdays (that usually will score someone some points) I don't know your family though so I couldn't say for sure. And maybe if nothing works consider what your parents say, not saying you should break up or anything but sometimes our parents seem to know us better than we know ourselves. Good Luck!

**FadedSunrise** · May 31, 2011, 11:37 PM

There...is probably nothing you can do. =_____=

Why, because my parents are the same way. They have not met my SO, but they are judging harshly based on exactly the same things and how they stack up against mine-his education(athletic training/wushu, vs my business admin under+to be J.D.), his career(personal trainer, but he hopes to start his own business. I'll work for a law firm, and maybe help my best friend start her own law firm), the things he wants out of life(to be honest, when we discussed him I hardly knew him, but now I can actually say the things we want out of life are quite similar. For example, if no more cat, and not looks but height(I'm 6', he's 5'6 5'7 ish...I could care less because it feels perfectly right for me to be the one bearhugging everyone from up high, but they think its so awkward).

Technically, in my case I still have a chance for them to meet him and like his personality...but honestly I think the more realistic version is to just wait until they're desperate for grandchildren for me to consider marrying anyone. Given the demands of a job in law, I don't think it will be too hard to wait till oh, age 30 or older. >> Or I will end up marrying who they want, which is not the current SO(if we get to that point in our relationship).

**Shizu** · June 1, 2011, 01:52 AM

I agree with the above posters, namely these points:
1.) There isn't much you can do
2.) You should probably listen to your parents.

I don't mean break-up with him either, but take their advice in stride and keep an open mind. See if there isn't some small truth to what they're saying to you, and honestly just take some time to think long and hard about it.

My parents don't approve, in fact I haven't even told my Dad about my SO yet because my mom advised against it lol. It hasn't put a lot of strain on my relationship because we both knew my family was much more strict/close-minded about inter-racial relationships so it didn't come as a surprise (coupled with some family drama with extended family that is just...ergh.) and we went into this knowing that there was a chance that EVERYONE in my family would disapprove/judge him.
Luckily, my mom actually agreed to meet him and even though she did rage and try to persuade me to leave him after, it didn't have a huge impact on either my SO or me. My mom has actually slowly been more accepting of him as time goes on though, so if there's any solution that might work, it's to show that he IS right for you because you're "standing the test of time" as it were

Also, about the.. listening to your parents thing. I really do mean it when I say think about what "flaws" they're pointing out. My mom actually compiled a whole list of complaints she had about my SO, and while it was a bit hurtful I could understand that she was just trying to help me in her own way. So! I took the time to go through each and every one of them to see if she was right about any of them. Again, most of them related to his appearance (he is much... much taller than I am... 6'4 compared to 5'1 XD) and how she was worried that I might not think it's a big deal now, but living my life with someone who has such a large height difference will "get" to me eventually because people will always look at us funny. I did actually have to think about that, and decided that it doesn't bug me as I'm used to being short anyways =) also, it bugged her that he was a different ethnicity from us (lolwut skin colour matters?) but that, I really didn't care about~!

I hope your parents come around eventually =) They might be protective, but once they see how happy your SO makes you, their desire for you to be happy will probably win over their protective side.

**FadedSunrise** · June 1, 2011, 01:58 AM

Originally posted by Shizu View Post

Also, about the.. listening to your parents thing. I really do mean it when I say think about what "flaws" they're pointing out. My mom actually compiled a whole list of complaints she had about my SO, and while it was a bit hurtful I could understand that she was just trying to help me in her own way. So! I took the time to go through each and every one of them to see if she was right about any of them. Again, most of them related to his appearance (he is much... much taller than I am... 6'4 compared to 5'1 XD) and how she was worried that I might not think it's a big deal now, but living my life with someone who has such a large height difference will "get" to me eventually because people will always look at us funny. I did actually have to think about that, and decided that it doesn't bug me as I'm used to being short anyways =) also, it bugged her that he was a different ethnicity from us (lolwut skin colour matters?) but that, I really didn't care about~!

Wah! hehe. We have the opposite problem. I do wonder why she takes issue with your kind of height difference. Mine do because they think of the old "the man MUST be taller" thing(as I wrote, I'm 6', female, he's 5'6.5 or so). But in your case, your man...IS taller? Parents, they always seem to go for details that we don't see, huh.

**Engel** · June 1, 2011, 03:09 AM

Originally posted by FadedSunrise View Post

Wah! hehe. We have the opposite problem. I do wonder why she takes issue with your kind of height difference. Mine do because they think of the old "the man MUST be taller" thing(as I wrote, I'm 6', female, he's 5'6.5 or so). But in your case, your man...IS taller? Parents, they always seem to go for details that we don't see, huh.

I dont know much how to measure from feet to cm, but in my case there is a big heigh difference as well. im 1.59 and my boyfriend is 1.85

but my parents didnt care, as my mom is 1.55 and my father 1.82. lol

Is funny because I didnt use to like tall guys. but it just hapenned that i have a couple of exes really tall, like my SO. but i also have exes that are hardly 5 cm taller than me. though with my so i love that he is tall, while i didnt care about that with the others. he is the perfect high. i can hug him and rest my head on his chest and my hands on his @ss. lol (sorry for the too much information here). and i love how i feel safe with him being bigger and all. but again, is not really hard to find someone taller than me.

I had an ex that was like 2 or 3 cm taller than me, and it bugged me a little that i could not use high heels next to him or i would be taller. i guess im old fashioned in that case. one of the few things that would be a deal breaker for me in looking matter would be if the guy was smaller than me, even if one cm. because im already too short to stay with a guy shorter than me. i wouldnt feel good.

**FadedSunrise** · June 1, 2011, 03:42 AM

Oh, cm is more accurate. I would be 1.83 and my SO 1.69. Hehe. Sometimes, when I see the few guys that ARE taller than me walking around my college campus here, I'm instantly a tad attracted because of the old fashioned girl needs guy's physical protection thing. But then I think to the amount of tall guys I've actually gotten to know, and most of them are...blah =/ Not interesting, no personality, and all of them want VERY much shorter girls like you and the previous poster. I'm so USED to being tall, and as for my SO, to me he has enough energy, passion, strength, and liveliness to more than make up for his lack of height. I'd feel weird now if something could make him taller than me-his height is part of the package, so to speak.

**Shizu** · June 1, 2011, 04:21 AM

Originally posted by FadedSunrise View Post

Wah! hehe. We have the opposite problem. I do wonder why she takes issue with your kind of height difference. Mine do because they think of the old "the man MUST be taller" thing(as I wrote, I'm 6', female, he's 5'6.5 or so). But in your case, your man...IS taller? Parents, they always seem to go for details that we don't see, huh.

haha, she claims he's "too tall". Then again, she's a stickler for things like how a 'good' couple should look like they match esthetically so even if he is taller, she wishes he wasn't a whole foot and then some taller! XD
Oh and they do; parents are amazing nitpickers apparently!

**Xanahtas** · June 1, 2011, 04:54 AM

Wow, that must really suck =/ Luckily, my parents love my SO. Your parents are probably trying to make sure you dont get hurt? Or maybe they expected someone different for you to be with? Either way, he just needs to carry on trying to impress your parents, he needs to show how much he loves you and just show that your both serious about it.
Good luck!

**knhdarw** · June 1, 2011, 10:17 AM

No im currently in pre-med trying to become a doctor and he works for the government straight outta high school. they think he wont be able to provide for me financially. But i know for a fact i've seen it he makes good money. and even if i went an became a nurse between the 2 of us we'd make 100thousand give or take a little bit. And also his parents dont want anything to do with me know about me nothing because of a past relationship of his. My parents don't get that either but i take it in stride and his parents won't and don't keep me from him so i dont get why they think that they'll keep me from him or something because no matter what i've never found anyone like him,. and i dont wanna loose him because of my parents.

---------- Post added at 10:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:16 AM ----------

No im currently in pre-med trying to become a doctor and he works for the government straight outta high school. they think he wont be able to provide for me financially. But i know for a fact i've seen it he makes good money. and even if i went an became a nurse between the 2 of us we'd make 100thousand give or take a little bit. And also his parents dont want anything to do with me know about me nothing because of a past relationship of his. My parents don't get that either but i take it in stride and his parents won't and don't keep me from him so i dont get why they think that they'll keep me from him or something because no matter what i've never found anyone like him,. and i dont wanna loose him because of my parents. and me and my SO are the same height haha lol

**knhdarw** · June 1, 2011, 10:19 AM

No im currently in pre-med trying to become a doctor and he works for the government straight outta high school. they think he wont be able to provide for me financially. But i know for a fact i've seen it he makes good money. and even if i went an became a nurse between the 2 of us we'd make 100thousand give or take a little bit. And also his parents dont want anything to do with me know about me nothing because of a past relationship of his. My parents don't get that either but i take it in stride and his parents won't and don't keep me from him so i dont get why they think that they'll keep me from him or something because no matter what i've never found anyone like him,. and i dont wanna loose him because of my parents. and me and my SO are the same height haha lol

**Engel** · June 1, 2011, 11:26 AM

Originally posted by FadedSunrise View Post

Oh, cm is more accurate. I would be 1.83 and my SO 1.69. Hehe. Sometimes, when I see the few guys that ARE taller than me walking around my college campus here, I'm instantly a tad attracted because of the old fashioned girl needs guy's physical protection thing. But then I think to the amount of tall guys I've actually gotten to know, and most of them are...blah =/ Not interesting, no personality, and all of them want VERY much shorter girls like you and the previous poster. I'm so USED to being tall, and as for my SO, to me he has enough energy, passion, strength, and liveliness to more than make up for his lack of height. I'd feel weird now if something could make him taller than me-his height is part of the package, so to speak.

I noticed this about really tall guys wanting really short girls. wich is funny. one of my best friends is 1.82 and she always had problems to find boys her heigh as well. her boyfriend now is just 2 cm smaller than her, but you can barelly notice it. and she is also used to not wearing high heels

here you can see how they are noticeably taller than the others. lol

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