Need advice...Whenever my boyfriend gets upset he gets distant.

[xmelissalynnex]

Hey everyone! I just joined this site today. I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months long distance. I have noticed though whenever he gets upset, and things in his life are going wrong, he acts really distant around me and never wants my help. I feel helpless because I want to support him and make him feel better but I don't know how when he doesn't like talking to me. What would you do in my situation? I have offered a helping hand and support but he just responds saying there is absolutely nothing I can do. Help Please?

[ClipitsWings]

:/ i'm in a very similar boat. in fact, whatever upset my guy this time led him to deleting his facebook, again, so he can avoid people. its hard to break through, but all you can do is try your best to be there for him. i've drawn pictures and everything else i could think of doing to tell him i really care, and he's let me in a few times, but that's just how he copes; it may be the same way for you guy.

[xmelissalynnex]

Yea that sounds very similar. It sucks because he is going through a lot right now...he is stressed with work, his grandpa is very sick, and he is not doing well financially. I just feel like I should help in some way and knowing he doesn't want my help makes me feel helpless...

[ClipitsWings]

I can so relate i guess all we can do is stay available for if they ever do decide to talk, and maybe try to cheer 'em up?
i'm not much of a help on courses of action, but if you ever need a good rant, i got you

[theyellowdart]

It all really depends.. everybody is different..

like me for example.. I am that exact same way when I am upset or frustrated.. but, I secretly want her to push and get inside..

I wish she would sometimes :\

(note: I am not saying this is how your boyfriend is, you know him best :P)

[agentholli]

Idk, I think that a lot of men do that. Most men that I know have done that, and its REALLY annoying when you want to help them.

[FadedSunrise]

Mine does that. Actually, I do that sometimes too-to most people. But ever since he entered my life I've tended to open to his prodding. You just have to keep trying, eventually if they need you they will reach out to you.

[Mara]

My boyfriend is like this as well so since he won't let me help I just resolve to be there for him the best way I know how. I'll do something special for him to try to cheer him up and I'll let him know that he can depend on me and I'm here if/when he wants to talk. I think everyone just handles these types of things differently.

[Zandria]

My guy becomes very short with me, as I just learned a couple of days ago. It's hard, cause I try to tell him to open up to me, to tell how he feels, and he didn't, he was just very one-worded responses that just added fuel to my flicker of irritation. But, guys normal do this, they shut themselves off from everyone, how I say, a very manly thing when my SO does it, lol. I feel like just tell him that you'll be there for him, and within time, he'll open up to you. I'm sure he'll be appreciative with that small gesture that he knows you'll care and love him no matter what. [:

[Sloppy Joe]

Everybody is different. For me, I'm also the type who says I don't want help, but secretly do. However, not all guys are like that. Sometimes they really just do want their space, especially if they're used to doing stuff for themselves. Some guys just have too much pride to let people help them, no matter the circumstance. I don't know your guy, so I don't know what to tell you. I'd say just reaffirm to him every once in a while that you'll always be there for him emotionally if he ever needs to talk. Then just leave it at that.

But just because he's distant, don't let that make you feel that he doesn't care about you. Maybe you don't feel that way, but some women get that way (and I suppose maybe some guys do too). So just be strong and stick it through.

[xmelissalynnex]

Thanks guys!!! You have all helped so much It's nice to know other people are going through the same thing/can relate.

[Moon]

In this way, most men are different than most women. Women like to talk about things, whereas men are more comfortable not talking about things that bother them, that aren't related to you. They tend to like working things out them themselves and don't really want help a lot of the time. My boyfriend, like most, is that way too, and I've learned over the last two years that the best way to help is by keeping the conversation light and casual, and to make him laugh if I can. I just try to give him a reason to be in a better mood Also, when/if it gets bad enough, he'll talk to me about it, so long as I don't push too much. It's not always easy, especially when I know something's up, or he's had a bad day, since I think by nature we want to find out what's wrong right away and provide comfort and support, but sometimes, just hearing a caring voice that loves you and distracts you is enough.

[Malaga]

In this way, most men are different than most women. Women like to talk about things, whereas men are more comfortable not talking about things that bother them, that aren't related to you. They tend to like working things out them themselves and don't really want help a lot of the time. My boyfriend, like most, is that way too, and I've learned over the last two years that the best way to help is by keeping the conversation light and casual, and to make him laugh if I can. I just try to give him a reason to be in a better mood Also, when/if it gets bad enough, he'll talk to me about it, so long as I don't push too much. It's not always easy, especially when I know something's up, or he's had a bad day, since I think by nature we want to find out what's wrong right away and provide comfort and support, but sometimes, just hearing a caring voice that loves you and distracts you is enough.

I agree with all of this. I think it's just their inherent way of dealing with stress, they go to their mancave. It sucks and I can't wait until he comes back, but I think the best way for me to support him and let him know I'm there for him is try and act as normal as possible. I let him initiate contact, but when he does I talk to him like we normally do, keeping it fun and lighthearted, even if he's not as responsive as I'd like him to be.