The Good and the Bad

[Zandria]

What are some of the good things you find about being in a LDR and what are some of the bad things about being in one?

I'm okay on this end, but I need to boost my SOs confidence about taking the next step for us to actually be in a relationship. Tell me your experiences, share all details, anything to contribute or just rant about. I'm all ears! [:

[kiara_silver]

The good is the level of commitment. This relationship is hard at times, and can really get to you, but when you find that special someone who is willing to be faithful and wait to be with you, it makes it all the more worth while. The fact that some are willing to travel miles to see you, can handle months or years being apart. That just shows how deep the commitment and love is.
The creativity you use to show your love. Being in a LDR you can't show someone affection by hugging them or giving them a goodnight kiss, or take for granted the simple lunch date. You sometimes have to get creative with your words and ideas to be romantic. I think its so romantic and sweet those heart felt letters, or the times when your SO will stay up till 2-3am just to talk to you because theres a time difference. I love that extra affection you get in this kind of relationship.

The distance gets hard, but its the lack of communication thats the big issue, being to busy to talk, or not having anything to talk about when you do talk, that at times makes it harder. Theres sometimes the worries and self concious thoughts. Being so far not being able to be there for your SO when your hurting or there hurting.

I think like any relationships theres the pro's and con's. No relationship is perfect weather LDR or CDR it depends on the people.

[traditionalgirl75]

I agree with Kiara_silver . It takes a lot of hard work & commitment to make a LDR work but its so rewarding. To know that someone is so faithful & willing to wait makes it that much more worth it. The distance is hard on times but you need communication. With love, trust & honesty & willing to make a go of it & you truly want to be with that person , then you can make it work. I honestly wouldn't know what i'd do without Ben, he's my one & only & I can't wait till the end of June.

[Zandria]

I want more people to respond to this, it kind of got lost in the new posts, so I'm throwing it back out there. :]

[Phwoar]

The good thing for me is we have A LOT of trust with us being far away from each other as if there is no trust you can't make LD work (I know you need trust in a close relationship too however!)

The bad for me is the distance as I really like to have someone I can see as much as I can I miss my man very very much when were not together

[SDPersona]

The others have already mentioned the level of trust and commitment to make a LDR work, which in itself is a good thing in my book. It also means having to take a great leap of faith if you don't know your partner all that well and you don't know if it works out, though. And that knowledge can make or break you. You can let the problems and the hardships that come with LDR overcome your belief to get through anything at all as a couple or you can stay steadfast and keep working at staying together. Being in an LDR means having to be a team. To me and my SO it's a team effort if we want to see each other next year seeing as we both have to save up for our joint vacation. That's what is kind of good about being in an LDR. You face trials much earlier than being in CDR and consequently save much more heart ache and time. Sure, you can enjoy the simple pleasures kiara_silver described in a typical CDR and that are very rare in a LDR but in a CDR you are also much more inclined to let the relationship drift for a long time and not notice or even ignore problems that later are going to rear their ugly heads. Maybe I'm just talking rubbish, but it's what I think about CDRs as it was the case with my CDRs. And: If you are in a LDR you have to have a clear idea where it all goes and when you want to close the distance for good.
What I also like about my LDR is the fact that I can be together mit my SO without feeling suffocated because of my guy being too clingy.... I need my fair share of being on my own.

[YaraG]

LDR & Married

The positive aspects of a LDR, is that you can keep in new, as we do. Every time he comes home, it feels like the first day we met. The excitement building, as time draws closer and closer, is exciting. The first kiss never gets old, just more meaningful. Our loving making on day one of him being home, is nothing less than amazing. The conversations, hugs, kisses, stares, glances, pinches, nuzzles, coffee breaks in the middle of the day, working in the yard, building something together, going to dinner, cooking in the kitchen together, the battles over who steals the covers, watching a movie on the couch cuddled up, showers, walks, bike rides, day trips, picture moments, and dinners with the kids (in there are any in the picture, if not animals).

The not so positive .... missing all of this and more. Having an argument over the phone, Internet, text, web-cam, or letters. Arguments are supposed to be done in person, so that we can read each others, the proper way. No, no one wants to argue but it hurts more, when we are miles apart. When we are having a bad day and the only thing that could possibly help, would be a hug and kiss from our SO.

Relationships are difficult but with two strong willed, intelligent, motivated, and driven adults; anything is possible if you give it your all.

[13000km]

The good is the getting to know each other on a deeper emotional level. Because the focus is on learning about one another, without the distractions of physical touch, talking is about the only way you can express yourself. The distance forces you to work things out in a different way than you usually would have, makes you stronger.

The bad will be not having the comfort of physicality. A hug, a kiss, holding hands...
Also the reliance on technology. When his internet crapped out, our communication was reduced to phonecalls for a couple of days. If my computer or phone decided not to work, we'll be completely cut of. /:
Money is also an issue. A visit costs so much, we have to cheat the system and find free ways of communication, it's challenging.

The bad most definitely outweighs the good, which is why the end goal is to close the distance.

[FadedSunrise]

The trust, the emotional connection. Both have been mentioned, but I'd choose those for my top two. My best friend once said that I was brave and strong to put that much trust into a relationship, that both she and her boyfriend, although not hoping that we'd break up, are amazed that we're even still together without much physical contact. To me though it makes perfect sense to stay together, or maybe I'm just used to it now. Why settle for less than the one you like just because you gotta have some delayed gratification issues? Also too that, if I didn't trust him, the relationship would be over then and there. There is just no way to live suspiciously and yet be in an international LDR-how in the hell are you going to carry on with your own life and check in on him?...

The bad is the lack of physical presence. Some days when my mind is tired I get worried that I'm just talking to a figment of my imagination, or a picture on a screen. Its been 6 months, and will be 6-12 more, till the next time I can see him face to face, and the longer it is the harder it is to remember him as a whole person. The emotional aspect and connection is, on one hand, so strong, but on the other hand, it makes him become like a presence in my heart rather than a person to touch and feel.

Also too, the countless times where I wished there was a giant hole in the computer screen, and I could at least reach a hand through to feel his. The times when I'd sit at my desk, blood running cold, hopelessly and powerlessly staring at him when he's having a bad day and its so painfully obvious to me what is the missing solution I cannot provide.