A Mix To Say...
I know there is a section with some great music about LDRs and I've looked over a lot of others mentionings, but I wanted to find something a little more focused. Some of you read my earlier post and have kept up on a few updates. There has been no real contact over the past two or so weeks. At first I was in and out of being secure with everything and of course being insecure. All the time missing her voice the most at night...
I've come to realize a lot of the insecurities I was feeling really had nothing to do with her per say. Mostly from everyone before her. But emails had been sent. Voice mails left in the dead of night when I was at my weakest and missing her the most etc...
So I've been using the time we've been out of touch to get my life together too. She is doing that on her side and honestly, as much as I care for her and us to have a chance, right now isn't the best time for her to be worrying about a relationship. She needs to completely focus on her self. Not some boy half a country away being emo...
I woke up the other day and just felt completely okay after really meditating on a lot of things and sort of trying to untangle what had transpired within when I heard about her injury... I had not cried or been so emotional in well over a year. So a lot of old insecurities I hadn't really been dealing with (because I was dealing with the larger more apparent ones) saw a chance to get out while I was breaking down.
Short of the long, I wrote her and email and tried to keep it very simple and while re-reading it, it did not strike me as negative, it still did not have the right tone. I sent her overdue care package off. But I wanted to write her a letter and send it off later this week and I want her to know that I want her to focus on her self right now and that I am here any time she needs me. Any hour. Even if she just wants to vent about things or just... I am a patient person (normally, which is why I really was confused on why I was freaking out so much about hearing from her) and can wait for her. Honestly, I could use the time to fix myself some more too. She still hopes to be able to come out her as far as our last online chat. She was even making me some package thing herself but she was feeling insecure because of the ones I had sent her being "too great" and even her friend was jealous of the easter basket I had sent. haha. So she said the bar is set pretty high for her. And she did say she misses me. And her phone is almost taken care of...
So I wanted to make her another mix, with the letter. That says well just all of that... Songs that stress being there for someone, waiting patiently, wanting her to really do for her.... Songs that let her know she is missed but I can wait to hear from her etc...
(why do I ramble so much on here? haha)
I've come to realize a lot of the insecurities I was feeling really had nothing to do with her per say. Mostly from everyone before her. But emails had been sent. Voice mails left in the dead of night when I was at my weakest and missing her the most etc...
So I've been using the time we've been out of touch to get my life together too. She is doing that on her side and honestly, as much as I care for her and us to have a chance, right now isn't the best time for her to be worrying about a relationship. She needs to completely focus on her self. Not some boy half a country away being emo...
I woke up the other day and just felt completely okay after really meditating on a lot of things and sort of trying to untangle what had transpired within when I heard about her injury... I had not cried or been so emotional in well over a year. So a lot of old insecurities I hadn't really been dealing with (because I was dealing with the larger more apparent ones) saw a chance to get out while I was breaking down.
Short of the long, I wrote her and email and tried to keep it very simple and while re-reading it, it did not strike me as negative, it still did not have the right tone. I sent her overdue care package off. But I wanted to write her a letter and send it off later this week and I want her to know that I want her to focus on her self right now and that I am here any time she needs me. Any hour. Even if she just wants to vent about things or just... I am a patient person (normally, which is why I really was confused on why I was freaking out so much about hearing from her) and can wait for her. Honestly, I could use the time to fix myself some more too. She still hopes to be able to come out her as far as our last online chat. She was even making me some package thing herself but she was feeling insecure because of the ones I had sent her being "too great" and even her friend was jealous of the easter basket I had sent. haha. So she said the bar is set pretty high for her. And she did say she misses me. And her phone is almost taken care of...
So I wanted to make her another mix, with the letter. That says well just all of that... Songs that stress being there for someone, waiting patiently, wanting her to really do for her.... Songs that let her know she is missed but I can wait to hear from her etc...
(why do I ramble so much on here? haha)
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