I Want to Say I Love You So Badly

[Sierra]

... my boyfriend and I just met in the beginning of April and are at the beginning of our relationship together. Albeit over the internet, I've had feelings for him for 18 months and before I knew it, I saw him having feelings for me as well. I've felt like we were in a relationship long before we were, but was unwilling to commit until we met in person.

Now we are spending our next visit together in a few weeks, for about 5 days. I'm hoping it works out, but he has to ask for two days off work, so we'll see. If not, within the next few weeks we will see each other in person again.

We never spent any time on Skype, and we're not big phone talkers ... but lately we've been talking on the phone more and more, say a few times a week, and it's getting harder and harder for me not to say I love you to him.

Part of me doesn't totally trust him because I can't go out to visit him for personal reasons (no, he's not marriage or involved with anyone else I just want to honor his privacy), so he can only come here and this leads to a level of mistrust on my point. I do understand where he is coming from but I am not willing to not go out there for long ---- that being said ...

Every time I hear him laugh, every time I hear him smile, whenever I look at pictures of us, think about the future, I know I love him. It's so hard to keep my mouth shut, and I don't want to, but I feel like it's too soon.

[Mara]

If that's how you feel, I'd tell him. I've never been one to go by any sort of rules or anything. When I feel it, I'll say it. I said it very soon in this relationship, before we were even official, but I was glad I did. Saying I love you to someone makes you vulnerable and I wanted to be vulnerable like that with my SO even if things didn't work out. It went fine really, but he didn't say it back for some time [maybe a month?]. I think that was the first time though that a SO not saying it back didn't bother me because I knew when he did say it he was saying it because he did not because I had said I did.

[Phwoar]

I agree with Jester. I do know what you mean though I had been talking to my SO for about 6 months or so before we realised there was something there and we refused to get together till we had met for the first time. Then after that I realised my feelings for him and dropped a few hints which then led to the 2nd time we met him telling me he loved me to my face halfway through the day!

So I would say yeah drop a few hints or wait a little while and see how things progress between the two of you as it is a different situation

---------- Post added at 08:15 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:15 AM ----------

I agree with Jester. I do know what you mean though I had been talking to my SO for about 6 months or so before we realised there was something there and we refused to get together till we had met for the first time. Then after that I realised my feelings for him and dropped a few hints which then led to the 2nd time we met him telling me he loved me to my face halfway through the day!

So I would say yeah drop a few hints or wait a little while and see how things progress between the two of you as it is a different situation

[Sloppy Joe]

Yeah, it's a little soon for the "I love you" stuff to be happening. If you say it too soon, it might scare him away. So I would take it slow and all that. Everyone goes through a puppy love stage. You're probably hitting that stage right now where you're just overwhelmed by all these amazing feelings, like where you wake up in the morning and he's the first thing on your mind and you go to sleep and he's the last person you think about and he just makes you so much happier than you've ever felt or at least happier than you've felt in a long time. That's completely understandable and I think everyone here is happy for you. We're happy that you're happy.

But from what you've said, you've only been dating for 2 months now and you could be treading on thin ice if you decide to drop the "L" bomb too soon. So just drops hints (if that's even possible, i don't know what people even mean by that), or just take your time. Suck it all in and enjoy it, then in another month or two, maybe probe him with questions a little to see how he feels about you.

In any case, I know we all wish you good luck and we're happy you've found someone who makes you feel so wonderful.

[Phwoar]

I've only been with my boyfriend for 2 months and he told me he loved me so I don't really see how it means were not in love? If your in love you know you are it's a different feeling to just 'puppy love' I think

[kiara_silver]

Everyones different. For me we confessed love pretty early, within the first few months we were already telling each other how much we loved each other. lol maybe part of it was being so young, when your young you give your heart away fast, but i have no regrets and meant every word then and now. Still going strong 2 years later. But before we became official i hinted at it, let him know that i wanted to be more than friends. So maybe just drop subtle hints. (lol mine weren't so subtle) There's no rush with love though. Take this time to continue getting to know him, your at the early stages in your relationship, this is where you learn about each other and fall deeper in love. Im sure when he's ready he will tell you he loves you till then you can wait if you want, or just go with your gut instinct.

[Phwoar]

Everyones different. For me we confessed love pretty early, within the first few months we were already telling each other how much we loved each other. lol maybe part of it was being so young, when your young you give your heart away fast, but i have no regrets and meant every word then and now. Still going strong 2 years later. But before we became official i hinted at it, let him know that i wanted to be more than friends. So maybe just drop subtle hints. (lol mine weren't so subtle) There's no rush with love though. Take this time to continue getting to know him, your at the early stages in your relationship, this is where you learn about each other and fall deeper in love. Im sure when he's ready he will tell you he loves you till then you can wait if you want, or just go with your gut instinct.

I agree with this everyone is different, people feel different things at different times. We hinted at liking each other and then both admitted it then met up a few times and then just realised we were in love and did tell each other but it feels right for us. So it is different for everyone

[Sloppy Joe]

I never said puppy love wasn't love. Did I? *goes back to re-read what he posted* Would it suit you better to call it "young love" or "fresh love" or something else mildly irrelevant? Either way it's still so soon in a relationship and while your SOs were fine with saying "I love you" so early, not everyone is the same. That's why I recommended waiting a bit and probing a bit later to see how he feels about it. Would you rather be safe and wait? Or sorry and scare someone away who you really cared about simply because you were impatient? I'll leave that to you guys.

As it stands with me and my SO, we didn't say the L-word for quite a while and if she'd said it too soon, it would have honestly made me think she was nuts. I'm helping you by giving you the perspective of a guy who wasn't comfortable with that sort of talk too soon in a relationship, especially a LDR at that.

[blferguson1s]

My SO have only been together a month, but we're absolutely in love. We had known each other for about a year and a half before and should have been together a lot sooner, but oh well. Two days after we officially started dating, we were laying in bed talking. He said something about an unwritten rule (which I later found out was letting the girl say it first), but I told him those rules didn't apply and if he had something to say just say it. He held back, but after I told him that maybe I felt the same way, he said it. Yes, it was quick, but everything in our relationship has been.

As others have said, if you're unsure, try dropping some hints. It's a big step, but if it's how you feel, it's how you feel.

[Sierra]

Ok, I just want to start off by reminding everyone that just because we've only been 'official' for two months, doesn't really mean this relationship is new. It means that without meeting first, we were unwilling to make a commitment because we both realized that what connection we have on the internet, may not be the same in person. I have had serious feelings for my now official boyfriend for 18 months, and he has had feelings for me for about a year. I understand the concerns that it's 'too soon' in our relationship, but how many people here have said I love you without meeting their SO in the first place or would even call what they have with their SO who they haven't met yet a relationship (just saying. Not saying it's a bad thing, just that we decided to make sure first).

As for the puppy love comment, the one thing I'm actually complimented on the most when it comes to my dealings with men is my ability to keep my head and not really fall into the infatuation phase of things. Sure, relationships go through phases, but in no way, shape or form, do I think we are caught up in any young love or puppy love silliness or infatuation - being apart has kept us from being giddy about our relationship.

I doubt I'm going to scare him away as HE'S the one who has included me in his plans for the future, HE'S the one that talks about our dream house, HE'S the one who when I talk about having family will call them OUR children, OUR family. I've spent my whole life in relationships that were wrong for me because I had to walk on eggshells about my feelings, and finally since we met and are OFFICIALLY in a relationship, I feel like I don't have to. I have always struggled with my feelings for him, I fought them tooth and nail because I didn't want to be in an LDR, and neither did he. As a matter of fact, when we talked out us meeting and if it goes well being in a relationship he said that it's not something he would ever do unless he thought it was the real deal. So I guess he does think I'm the real deal.

So here's the real question, when two people have shared feelings for each other for over a year ... how is that really too soon? And scare him away? If anything would scare him away it would be the distance you would think, not the I love you. The juice (love and acceptance from another person) has to be worth the squeeze (the AGONY of a long distance relationship).

Anyhow, this post is moot, I'm not going to say anything to him until he says it to me, but I felt the need to defend my romantic feelings for this man because for some reason I feel like I'm being called childish or impulsive for wanting to share my feelings when I'm far from either of those things.

[Rach321]

We said "I love you" about 6 months after meeting each other (we met in person first). We'd spent a total of 10 days together in person. It seemed a little soon to both of us, and it was sort of scary, but we both meant it. We still do. Go with what your heart tells you. If the moment feels right, then say it. I'm of the opinion that we should always say how we feel to those we are intimate with. I can see him being scared if he's not ready to say it yet, but just because you say it doesn't mean he has to say it too. Actually, he could be waiting for you to say it first...

[Micah]

I don't think you can put a timeline on how soon you can love someone. There's different stages of love, too. I mean, there is the beginning stage of love where you want to live, eat, and breathe the person. Then, love progresses into a deeper meaning as your relationship goes on. But either way, it's love, right? So, I guess I don't think there should be rules on how soon is too soon to tell someone you love them. As for my situation, my SO and I were together 3 months before we said it to one another, but we felt it long before that. We would say other things, like "I adore you," before that because we both tiptoed around the word. I think if you feel it so strongly that it is about to burst out of you, then obviously you are ready to say it. I think life is too short not to tell someone how you feel.