SWEET AND ANNOYING? :(

[JEREIANEDREI]

since my SO and I been away for almost 7 months now,,,missing him too much make me sick...im totally damn EMOTIONALLY sick...thats why I tried make myself busy..now I found a new job,,but still I cant help but think of him,,even if I'm at work I cant focus,,can't concentrate,,still thinking of him,thats why most of the times since we dont see each other now more often,.I just message him in his phone,,and sometimes I do call him...coz I do miss him a lot..but he dont answer me and just let always the answering machine to talk to me...

then now were talking,,im crying and telling him my sentiments,..

honestly telling him that i feel hurt the way he is ignoring me....

the only answer he gave me "THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN being SWEET AND BEING ANNOYING?....why he is like that?....

any advices there....I feel so upset....I feel so down

[traditionalgirl75]

I'm sorry to hear that ... I know how u feel tho, I miss my SO so much & it do sometimes effect other things , but i've come to realize that no matter how much I miss him, I can't let it control my life. I know were gonna close the distance soon , so that helps. & as for him ignoring you, thats not nice @ all, but maybe he feels bad when you tell him ?? I know with my SO, we miss each other terribly but when I tell him all the time it makes him feel bad. I didn't know that @ first until he told me. Maybe u should you guys should talk things out.

[JEREIANEDREI]

I'm sorry to hear that ... I know how u feel tho, I miss my SO so much & it do sometimes effect other things , but i've come to realize that no matter how much I miss him, I can't let it control my life. I know were gonna close the distance soon , so that helps. & as for him ignoring you, thats not nice @ all, but maybe he feels bad when you tell him ?? I know with my SO, we miss each other terribly but when I tell him all the time it makes him feel bad. I didn't know that @ first until he told me. Maybe u should you guys should talk things out.

thanks for the advice....we did talked already....I'm missing him so much.... :'(

[Dziubka]

I'm going to be honest here, even if it might seem brutal.

I guess I can see his point and I'm almost sure I'd feel the same in his position.
With my ex we were LD first, than CD and then became LD for a second time and he couldn't handle it at all. He'd constantly message me, expect me to skype every free minute, tell me a million times a day that I should message him more and constantly tell me how bad he felt without me, that I felt unable to do anything without me there, etc etc. You get the picture.
Now, I really loved him a lot, but being his sole reason to be is a bit more responsibility than I'd like to take. Not to mention that it's really boring to not have any interests apart from your SO, it's almost guaranteed to kill the spark in every relationship. It also made me feel guilty for going away and I didn't want to spoil my semester abroad with a bad conscience, when really there was nothing to feel bad about.
In the end that was one reason, probably the main one, why we broke up.
From your posts on here and his reaction, it seems that while you make some effort take your mind of him, it doesn't really work. You're still suffering, always thinking about him and constantly messaging/expecting some sort of contact.
I don't know why your SO left, but maybe he's busy over there? Trying to fit in in the new environment? Making new friends/contacts? You have to allow him some free time and time for himself.
If it doesn't work out at all, then maybe an LDR is not for you? Not everyone's meant for such a relationship. I'll be the first to admit that I couldn't be in a relationship where I'd see my boyfriend less than once a month. I'm not saying it's impossible and I honestly with my full heart admire everyone who does it, but it would definitely be too painful for me.

PS: I think other users have already pointed it out to you, that using all caps in your thread titles seems somewhat rude. You might want to avoid that...

[Rach321]

I have to agree with Dziubka. I know you love him and miss him, but being in a LDR means that you do need to be more independent. It sounds like to me, from his reaction, that he feels smothered. You probably need to give him more space. There is no reason to suffer just because your love is far away. It's not easy, and it's normal to miss him, but you've got to find ways to cope so that it's not so detrimental to you. Be strong. Find ways to feel complete without him. I think you'll find he becomes more of the affectionate, loving partner that you miss when he doesn't feel like you're hurting so much just because he's away.

[13000km]

I'm going to be honest here, even if it might seem brutal.

I guess I can see his point and I'm almost sure I'd feel the same in his position.
With my ex we were LD first, than CD and then became LD for a second time and he couldn't handle it at all. He'd constantly message me, expect me to skype every free minute, tell me a million times a day that I should message him more and constantly tell me how bad he felt without me, that I felt unable to do anything without me there, etc etc. You get the picture.
Now, I really loved him a lot, but being his sole reason to be is a bit more responsibility than I'd like to take. Not to mention that it's really boring to not have any interests apart from your SO, it's almost guaranteed to kill the spark in every relationship. It also made me feel guilty for going away and I didn't want to spoil my semester abroad with a bad conscience, when really there was nothing to feel bad about.
In the end that was one reason, probably the main one, why we broke up.
From your posts on here and his reaction, it seems that while you make some effort take your mind of him, it doesn't really work. You're still suffering, always thinking about him and constantly messaging/expecting some sort of contact.
I don't know why your SO left, but maybe he's busy over there? Trying to fit in in the new environment? Making new friends/contacts? You have to allow him some free time and time for himself.
If it doesn't work out at all, then maybe an LDR is not for you? Not everyone's meant for such a relationship. I'll be the first to admit that I couldn't be in a relationship where I'd see my boyfriend less than once a month. I'm not saying it's impossible and I honestly with my full heart admire everyone who does it, but it would definitely be too painful for me.

PS: I think other users have already pointed it out to you, that using all caps in your thread titles seems somewhat rude. You might want to avoid that...

You hit the nail on the head.

There is a difference between missing someone, clinginess and extreme dependence. The first is sweet, second is somewhat tolerable and the third is unhealthy. I'll admit that I have struggled with this at one point, but I had to face the reality that I had gone to far and make some changes. Dziubka is right, not everyone is cut out for LD and I'm one of those people who have an extremely tough time with it.

Frankly, in your previous posts and threads you've gotten plenty of "give him his space" advice. It's time you took some of those into consideration. It might help if we knew why he left or something to help us understand the situation better. Without that, it feels like the advice and suggestions given to you in each thread are repeated too many times.

[Sierra]

Based on your other posts, you may be smothering him. He's right, there is a difference between being sweet and annoying. Although you miss him you need to find a way to occupy your time, and not by calling him all the time. If sounds like you're very dependent on him and this isn't healthy in ANY relationship. I think it can be harder for us LDRers because we have the distance to contend with, BUT you still have to maintain your independence and you have to allow him to maintain his independence as well.

Do you feel as though he isn't meeting your needs or that he's becoming distant?
Either one of these is a big deal, if you feel dismissed and you NEED a certain level of attention that he cannot give you may want to rethink your relationship and adjust your needs, or he's become distant, there's something going wrong in your relationship.

Either way it sounds like he needs a certain amount of space, give it to him for the sake of your relationship. We all miss our SO but there's no need to be in constant contact with them, or anyone really.

[Leigh]

Don't feel bad or worried my SO hardly answers the phone either. I wouldn't think too much into it. Sometimes we all tend to over analize a bit. I think people have certain styles of communication. Unfortunately technology has made it bad this way because people tend to become less personal and don't interact with each other in other ways. I hope things get better for you. Don't jepordize your job.

[Rugger]

You need to give the boy space. I miss my SO like crazy, but I don't smother him every second of every day. Smothering IS annoying and frankly it kills a relationship. Back off a bit

[JEREIANEDREI]

thanks guys

[Phwoar]

I agree with everyone else you need to back off him a little bit. It's not nice to be smothered and constantly needed to give someone attention.
You seem to rely a lot on him and need his attention constantly. You and your SO will be better off doing your own things and having your own lives along with being with each other

[kiara_silver]

Maybe your main issue here is communication. You miss him constant and its coming off as really needy and over emotional to him. I get how hard it is being apart, i know i struggle, i go more than 3 days with no contact and i become needy sometimes. But maybe you guys need to schedule times and then in the mean time let him be. For example, with us, we talk when we can, but he will let me know in advance he'll be out or he's busy with a project or he's going to a event, and so i know i won't talk to him tomorrow and so maybe i'll write him a message to say i love him or just share my day but i don't expect to talk to him. Until you close the distance, you guys kind of have separate lives. You have to be some what independent. I lean alot on my SO but you have to be able to still stand by yourself. try focusing on you, go out and pamper yourself, relax when u get back from work, just chill and have "me" time.
I wish you the best, and i hope things work out for the two of you.

[JEREIANEDREI]

thanks Kiara....its hard but I will try to...I miss him a lot,,God knows how much I do