Taking Some Space

[Mara]

I could really use some support...

I told him just a little while ago that I think we need some space from each other. I know this is for the best, but I still feel kind of heavy-hearted about it. In all the time we've been together, I don't think we've gone more than 5 days without speaking at all. Right now though, I just feel like no good will come out of us speaking.

Feel incredibly lousy though and I'm sure he's pissed to high heaven...

[Lunar Snow]

Hi, Mara.

I wonder if there would be a way of breaking the "space rule" to define what space means for him and to reassure him that it is temporary. For example, since you talk frequently and haven't gone more than 5 days without talking, I think that he could potentially have the worry that it was a couched break-up line, or at least be upset that he doesn't know how long the space would go on for. Setting some sort of time limit for the space will reassure him that it's only temporary and maybe help you to feel better if he is feeling more reassured.

Asking for space can be really nebulous in its definition and intentions, especially if it is a unilateral or abrupt decision (How long does it last for? Are we still together? Does having space negate some of the rules we have come up with as a couple about seeing other people, etc.? Why does my partner want space?). I think an email that is short and simple, answering questions like that would go a long way toward you feeling less lousy and him feeling eventually less pissed. E.g. "I find that we are fighting a lot lately and worrying about the distance when we talk and I think that we need to have some space, in the form of not talking with each other for around two weeks--the fighting and worrying makes me feel very stressed. We are still a couple and will still represent ourselves as such while we are taking space, but we both just need some time to focus on our lives as individuals, de-stress, and think about how we are interacting with each other in a calmer state, then come back together at the end of the two weeks being able to talk in a manner that makes us less stressed out."

[kiara_silver]

I agree with Lunar_Snow. On making it clear on what your definition of "space" is and make it clear on how long and why. Because for me if my SO told me he wanted space that would make me worried, i would wonder what that means, are we headed for a break up, just a ton of things would pop up in my head that i would need cleared up. So i think before you take a break and get some space i would clearly talk it over and explain everything.

[Mara]

I took your advice and wrote to him explaining that everything was fine, we're fine, I just am going through a hard time right now and am incapable of handling us right now. We have had a two petty little arguments in not even a week's time so I'm just trying to back off right now and give us some space to breathe. I would like to just take some time to get a handle on things for about a week or so..we've never gone so long without talking, hopefully, at the end of it I will feel more like myself and have more clarity.

[Silviar]

Good on you for doing the email, I hope it helps.

[Mara]

I think it helped, but I also think he's so mad he's beyond listening to what I have to say. He responded with the fact that he has to study [I suppose implying he doesn't have time?], but that he will give me the space I asked for, for right now.

This whole thing is pretty much over the fact he feels I haven't 'really' been talking to him in the past few weeks.