New to the forum and new to this LDR thing.... Need some advice please!!

[pabeautybehold]

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[LostInLove]

Well, the first step is to take a deep breath and try and calm down. I know it's hard sometimes, but you're just working yourself up right now.

I think what you really need to do is stop focusing on the negatives. You're freaking out about a lot of "what if" questions that likely have nothing to do with the actual state of your relationship. When you see him, when you can touch him and hold him and be with him again, I'm sure a lot of these worries will disappear. I also used to get freaked out a lot thinking that my SO was nowhere near as committed to this relationship as I was, but whenever I got to see him in person again I felt silly for worrying in the first place.

The other thing you need to do is trust your SO. I know we live in times when it seems like everyone cheats, but that doesn't mean your SO is one of those people. Unless he's given you a reason to doubt him, you have to believe that he knows how to handle himself. And it's not like he's hanging out with this girl alone, he's got someone else with him. Plus, just because he's done "stupid things" with this guy doesn't mean he'll cheat on you, I've done plenty of dumb things when I was drunk or hanging out with some bad influences and none of them have included sleeping with anyone.

Overall, I think you need to try and relax a bit. Don't miss out on time you could be spending with your SO just because you're nervous, I can almost guarantee that you'll end up regretting it later.

[pabeautybehold]

Lost in Love: Thank you for your words of encouragement. This is so new to me that sometimes I don't understand what I'm feeling.... I have realized that LDR really make you feel every emotion you have..... I have gone from super happy to super sad all in the same hour.....

I know I should be looking forward to seeing him in just 7 days and the fact that I get to spend almost every day with him while he's here, but I literally have butterflies when I think about seeing him. Come to think of it, I get butterflies just thinking about him

[Rugger]

My mind does this to me too sometimes. I hear about him out with girls and heavily drinking and my imagination goes into overdrive!. I have to slow down and remind myself that LDRs aren't easy, If he didn't want to be with me, Why would he put himself through an LDR? The answer: He wouldn't. If he didn't love me, he'd be with someone else that he didn't have to travel to be with.

You need to sit down and have a talk with yourself. Think of the positives and try not to think of the "what if"s because a vast majority of the time, they don't happen!

[Tanja]

Trust is the most important thing in a LDR. Without trust it's never going to work. You either trust him or you don't, it's really that simple. You said he hasn't give you any reason not to trust him so try to keep that in mind. Us women get carried away with fears and paranoia much easier than men, in my experience anyway, but we just have to let those thoughts go.

He is coming to see YOU, he's agreed to not date other women and he is just having fun with a friend before flying out to meet you. Just because he is around a female doesn't mean he is going to jump in bed with her and break up with you. He is going to meet and spend time with the opposite sex in life a lot, it's just going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it. You just have to accept it and trust him. Imagine yourself in his shoes, would you leave him for another guy as soon as you got the chance? I don't think so, so try not to worry and keep counting down the days 'til you see him again - it's supposed to be exciting, not depressing!

[blferguson1s]

I'm glad you've been able to relax and not stress as much. That was the best thing you could do so yea for you! What you said about feeling everything possible is definitely true. I'm already an emotional person so I sometimes get a little crazy with the emotions when it comes to my SO. You're absolutely not alone in that. Also, it's perfectly ok to be nervous about him visiting. I get nervous whenever Chris and I are going to visit each other. Part of that nervous feeling is probably excitement too (I know it is for me).

It's hard to give you specific ideas without knowing either of you. It really depends on what you like to do. For me and Chris, we don't typically make specific plans. We just do whatever we feel like at the time. Last time he was here, I showed him around my hometown. We went bowling. We hung out in his hotel room and watched movies. We went out to dinner and went to the mall. Plus, we went to a concert because Hinder happened to be in town. The next morning, I went to his hotel and crawled into bed with him so we could sleep together for a little while. Then, we went to the park and played on the swings. We had a great time. That's just how we do things though. Like I said, it really depends on you and your SO.