How To Tell Her?

[Phwoar]

My SO is coming up to Scotland for 5 days next week () he's staying in a travel inn and I'm staying in it with him (cheaper for both of us to share a room - not that I'm complaining!)

Anyway my mum is NOT impressed at the fact I have a LD relationship and she only found out about it 2 weeks ago and her and mum dad were not impressed at all

So she's never mentioned him to me at any point and is making no effort to ask about him or our relationship. So how do I go about telling her I won't be at home next week and will be staying in a hotel with him for the week?

I know she'll ask why he's staying there and I'm not just staying at home but obv I want as much time with him as I can get and will like cuddling up at night to sleep so no idea how to go about it :/

[uniquefem]

just guessing, are you over 18? i know its hard to tell the truth, and hard to tell about LDR as they can not understand it and compare it with LDR 50 or 70 years ago when we use ship or train to send letters and where they dont know internet or emails or sms/text messages or cellphone! or even WEBCAMS.
So, i think the best way for both of you just telling her the truth, that you will go visit your friend-errh bf i mean.... i just hope you could say it right also had to mentions know thing of being responsible, and you just had to do it because you missed this guy...
I dont know how this would help you out.. i just think you just had to tell the truth to your parent no matter how hard that is..

Oh btw i did the worse, i tell my mom about my plan to visit my SO when she drive me to airport, but i did tell my sisters like 2 months before, and they told my mom already!! grrhhhh! i thought if she know frommy sisters it will be ok, but also i am 30 years old for God sake! but no, she wait it comes from me.... sigh... moms.... they always worry.. because thats their natural job i guess but its ok...

---------- Post added at 02:50 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:50 AM ----------

just guessing, are you over 18? i know its hard to tell the truth, and hard to tell about LDR as they can not understand it and compare it with LDR 50 or 70 years ago when we use ship or train to send letters and where they dont know internet or emails or sms/text messages or cellphone! or even WEBCAMS.
So, i think the best way for both of you just telling her the truth, that you will go visit your friend-errh bf i mean.... i just hope you could say it right also had to mentions know thing of being responsible, and you just had to do it because you missed this guy...
I dont know how this would help you out.. i just think you just had to tell the truth to your parent no matter how hard that is..

Oh btw i did the worse, i tell my mom about my plan to visit my SO when she drive me to airport, but i did tell my sisters like 2 months before, and they told my mom already!! grrhhhh! i thought if she know frommy sisters it will be ok, but also i am 30 years old for God sake! but no, she wait it comes from me.... sigh... moms.... they always worry.. because thats their natural job i guess but its ok...

[Phwoar]

Yeah I'm 22 so I am an adult :/ which I'm sure sometimes she just ignores in these situations!
I want to tell her outright but I know she'll go mad/not be best impressed by it but I know she won't stop me doing it.

[Sierra]

You're 22, just tell her you're staying with your boyfriend for a week in a hotel.
She might be mad but there's really no way around it, is there?

[lucybelle]

So maybe ease your way into this. No need to burn bridges. Tell her "Hey mom remember my boyfriend is coming to visit right? Well he's staying at ________ place. Have you been there? It's pretty nice. And cuz I want to spend time with him, I'm going to be there too." Then make sure to say you're so happy he's coming and will make sure to visit.

[Micah]

I would just tell her you are going to be gone for a week. It's really not her business because you're an adult. If she asks questions, then answer what you feel comfortable with. Parents are always going worry no matter what your age, but you have to live your life!

[FDRV]

It's probably the timing thing, how would you feel if out of the blue she pulled some news on you? You may be an adult but you're still her kid. By all means, make decisions for yourself but maybe in future you should be more open about these things, It kind of appears you have something to hide.

[Tanja]

I second what lucybelle said. Break the news gently and casually and make sure she sees how happy you are that he's coming - after all your mum just wants you to be safe and happy. And tell her you'll be visiting her too so that she won't feel left out. If she reacts in a negative way then there's not much you can do about it and you are an adult so if she can't handle this then really it's her problem, not yours.

You're in a relationship, you have every right to enjoy it and spend time with your bf.

[Phwoar]

I wouldn't think it's the timing thing we've only known he was coming up for the full week for a few days now it's hardly out of the blue as it's a whole week away. It's not that I'm hiding things from her it's that she has refused to accept or even acknowledge him for about a month now so it's obviously hard to explain these things to her without her kicking off.

SHe knows he's coming up now as my sister let it slip by accident she knew this last night but never mentioned it to me just asked sort of questions of 'so what are you doing next week' 'doing anything fun' 'got much planned'.. so I'll let her know I'm staying with him today

[Phwoar]

I've now told her she's not impressed and is saying I don't know if he's a rapist/murderer/or has some sort of disease and isn't happy about it at all. But all is well and she now knows were I'll be

[jiynx]

I think it'll be easier for your mom once your SO is actually there, in the flesh. That's the way my mum was. Once she saw him in person, she realized "Oh, he isn't that bad." Now that he's been here, and I've been there, she is really supportive.

[Moon]

Here's another perspective for ya - I'm the mom of a 22 year old daughter, so can talk about this from your mother's point of view, sort of. First, your mom doesn't know if he's a rapist/murderer/whatever, so of course she's concerned. I wouldn't be impressed either if my kid told me she was meeting some guy from the internet in a hotel, and staying with him for a week, no mother would, unless you make sure she gets to meet him first. She may not show it, but if he's a decent guy, she'll back of you a bit. Also, all of your past behavior comes into play here, what kind of kid have you been? If you've been known to make some really crap decisions, or brought home some losers in your time, she's right to be worried. It's so easy to say "Your an adult, you can do whatever you want!", but that's not really the case if you still live at home and your parents support you, in that case you need to be careful and mature about this, so you can show your mom that you're adult enough to make good decisions, and not cause problems in the house.

If it were my kid, the most important thing would be for me to meet him, before you stay with him, otherwise I'd think he had something to hide. You are over 18, and you can do what you want, but if you're still at home, be smart and make sure to at least try making your mom comfortable, it'll ensure less problems for both of you. Also, your mom is probably quite a bit older than me, and she is new to this technology stuff, compared to all you guys who have grown up with it, and don't know any other way. Meeting on the internet is nothing she's used to dealing with, and is still pretty taboo in her mind, especially with all the media attention it gets. It's going to take quite a bit of reassurance for her to stop worrying so much. Let her see that he's a real guy, and not some 65 year old perv trolling for younger women, and not some total douchebag.

[Phwoar]

I live with my parents but I support myself I have a job and pay my own bills and do all my own stuff in the house so she doesn't really support me money wise etc. Thing is I do know what she means but to me a guy here that lives beside me could be a rapist/murderer or whatever but she doesn't see it that way just cos he's some random who lives further away she seems to think he's all these things. I've only ever brought one guy home and he was LD (but only by about 2 hours) and she was fine with him. She has made it clear however that she doesn't want to meet this one of have anything to do with him so I can't really let her meet him if she refuses too, I would love her to so she could get to know him etc and he wants to so that he can get to know my family etc.

So I don't really know how I can make her feel better if she refuses point blank to have anthing to do with it? I told her I'll come back to the house everyday to let her know I'm okay and text her also to let her know so it's not like I'm just going and not letting know know

---------- Post added at 09:41 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:41 AM ----------

I live with my parents but I support myself I have a job and pay my own bills and do all my own stuff in the house so she doesn't really support me money wise etc. Thing is I do know what she means but to me a guy here that lives beside me could be a rapist/murderer or whatever but she doesn't see it that way just cos he's some random who lives further away she seems to think he's all these things. I've only ever brought one guy home and he was LD (but only by about 2 hours) and she was fine with him. She has made it clear however that she doesn't want to meet this one of have anything to do with him so I can't really let her meet him if she refuses too, I would love her to so she could get to know him etc and he wants to so that he can get to know my family etc.

So I don't really know how I can make her feel better if she refuses point blank to have anthing to do with it? I told her I'll come back to the house everyday to let her know I'm okay and text her also to let her know so it's not like I'm just going and not letting know know

[Moon]

Well, if she's refusing, then there's nothing left for you to do, you tried. You've been reasonable enough, so now it's time to just tell her that you're sorry she feels that way, but you'll be staying with him, and if she changes her mind, to let you know. I'm not sure you have many other options at this point