Does this happen to you??

[J9PhD]

Hi everyone,

I've started to discover a pattern amongst some of my friends that has started to bother the hell out of me. Our conversations start off well, and they ask how things are with me and my guy (who's moving 1400 miles away in three weeks!). So I fill them in and ask for advice....then suddenly it's like I opened up a can of worms.

Instead of getting that advice I asked for....I get the history of their whole entire relationship and how their engagements went and then their last line is always "and now we're getting married!" (well yeah I know that I have your save the date magnet and shower and wedding invites on my fridge!).

I leave the conversation frustrated and annoyed. I never do such things to friends in need, nor would I want to even have a semi-single friend be exposed to the story of my SO and our path to engagement (when ever or if ever that happens).

Anyone else have this experience?

[snow_girl]

Well me and my SO met about a year and a half ago in Germany and it was really cool and then I had to leave but we talked everyday....Haha just kidding. That doesn't really ever happen to me. Have you tried telling them that no one is nearly as interested in the story as the two love birds are? Lol Sorry I'm not very helpful.

[FDRV]

Don't be such a sour puss, LDR's but they're not forced upon anyone! It can be tiring having someone else's happiness waved in your face or when people only talk so they can talk about themselves....but it is a wedding, that kind of thing should be celebrated right? Besides, maybe this person shares it with you as they feel you have some common ground?

[J9PhD]

I just don't get it. haha. Maybe because they're brides to be, I dunno. They're lucky that they have their SO with them (mine's in Chicago for the week for a medical board review class). It's okay that "you weren't any help" I thought it was just me! hahaha.

[J9PhD]

Hey now, I'm not being a "sourpuss." Sure we can celebrate their wedding! But when you ask for advice and you only get the history of Jack & Jill, that does you no good! I think the only common ground I see between myself and them is that we are all females. ha.

[Mara]

I have friends that do this and I think I might do this on occasion. Someone will start telling you all about their life or problems and then you just sort of use that as an opening to talk about your related experience or something similar in your life. You start talking about your guy so I think they just saw that as an opening to bring up their love story. Maybe it was meant to be encouraging? Or maybe there just uber happy about being engaged. haha.

[Silviar]

If someone is turning the conversation away from the question you asked, then steer it back. Politely say "Yes, that's all wonderful, but I'm hoping you can give me advice on this." Maybe they're sharing their story because they're trying to show you their advice as well - something else to consider.

[Tanja]

Maybe say something like "what would you do if you were ME?" etc, that way they have to focus on your problem/issue and look at it from your point of view. It might help them to stay on course and not wander too far from the original subject. Some people do that to me as well and I just ask someone else for advice cause it's clear to me that they only wanna talk about themselves

[uniquefem]

well... my friends all getting married, all of them somehow THIS YEAR OF 2011. Darn, hahah! i don't know why this is happening but i always the one who said congrats, and dealing with the bridezilla things, the blues, the cold feet, the preparation ohhh my!

If i had problem with my SO, i never really tell them, or ask their advise, especially from those who really in wed preparation, my experience most of times its only bring your the ...sad. Because its all about them! so, look for those who's not in middle of something really important in their life.

A single friend? a friend on a relationship, but not getting married soon. Well find the right person... if once you talk with them and they instead talk about them and their happy road... said.. hellooowww..we go back to the matters i just ask you please if you dont mind?

If they kept doing this annoying thing then don't do it... don't ask again but they not doing this on purpose... try to put your self on their position also they just want to share the happiness...

Find the right person, and try to stay in focus about things you want to ask and yes... don't be bitter... your happiness will come someday too!