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**tina13** · June 6, 2011, 11:44 PM

Thanks a lot for your reply isavelives.. it made me think from a different perspective.
Yes , he didn't cheat on me and i am proud of him

It's just that i don't know how to convey my feelings.
I told him I'm not comfortable about him going to strip clubs. Maybe that was harsh huh ?!
Anyways, i will talk to him and let him know that i don't feel too good and i will see what he has to say.
I am trying to be broad minded here, but with some limitations of course.

**Yaaamiii** · June 6, 2011, 11:52 PM

It would bother me, personally. I understand that it really depends on the person, but from my perspective it doesn't make any sense and in fact would probably make me feel insecure. This is me though, and I'm not trying to scare you. If my boyfriend did that, I would question a lot of different things.

I would tell him that it bothered you, and tell him why. It seems like you're not ok with it, but you're trying to be. Just make sure he knows how you feel

**Kyla** · June 6, 2011, 11:56 PM

Strip clubs are controversial even here in North America. There's many different perspectives and thoughts about them. Personally, I don't really have an issue with them, but my SO hates them, anyway.

I'd suggest just bringing the topic up with him lightly. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable and explain why you would prefer he didn't go to strip clubs. Listen to his side of the story and try not to become overly emotional and defensive. I would also say that you shouldn't necessarily be mad at him, as he likely didn't think he was doing anything wrong at the time.

**uniquefem** · June 7, 2011, 12:48 AM

humm.. i am from Indonesia. My SO originally from Russia, but he live in other countries such as US and Germany over half of his life time. So we had huge different in beliefs, and cultures, also experiences.

Once when we're in Stuttgart lately, he said, have you been to red district before? i replied yes, i work for woman crisist center when i was in Uni. so i do know how is it in Indonesia. But never been to one in western country. So he ask me what if we went there to check it out.

First i can't help but to kick his foot for sure as my nature to questioned this weird question. But then i just think, well ok, i want to see how he react too. So we went there walking, hands in hands in red district where bar pumping the music and the pictures of naked girls are on the bar windows.

He said in Amsterdam they even put the girls on window, like window shopping. I was shocked, this is the first time i see and experience such straight forward things, no cover. No black strip on tits pictures and its real... wow. And i could see some girls are look at us, trying to find out why we were there, and i see his face. Still straight cold face, well sometimes grinned at me maybe seeing something he like.

Its quite an experience for me, but its not as bad as i thought. I was thinking before i went to this kind of places, red district strip bar, topless bar, i thought there WILL ALWAYS BE sex transaction between the guy and girls there. Its not that all true!! and my guy, he's not throwing the lust-drooling-oh i so want that babe looks, just pretty normal, aroused? nope.. he see it as he see how they do the LINUX program on discovery channel; interested, but not that very aroused.

So, as long as he tell you the truth, that he went there with his friends, and he did say most of the stuff he did .... i think its not that bad.

Not our culture, yes, and i think it should be ok to tell that you mind about him going there, but also, i dont think its not that wrong, its just different culture, a thing that we should understand. Maybe cinema is kind of normal place for us and our culture and beliefs, but strip place maybe for some its just the same like cinema....errhhh in 3D effect hehehe...

But i do wish you both solve this (sorry for long comments ya!)

**Sano** · June 7, 2011, 08:45 AM

I'll be honest, knowing he was going to a strip club would give me a little twinge of annoyance but its not that bad. XD He's not cheating on you or anything so you dont have anything to worry about. Its probably more drinking going on than anything else.

**Engel** · June 7, 2011, 09:42 AM

I always was curious to go to a stripclub, see how one was from inside. so when i was in brazil and my so went to visit me, i took him to a stripclub, with my best friend and her boyfriend (she always wanted to see it as well).
I wouldnt like him going alone, and just telling me afterwards. but as i went with him (and it was my idea to go. haha) and saw he didnt do anything wrong and etc etc, i found it was a funny night. but yes, the way to react on that goes from person to person. even though i went to a stripclub with my so, if he went without me, i would feel like he kind of cheated on me, even if he didnt do anything, just looked.

---------- Post added at 03:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:42 PM ----------

ps: that was my post number 100! yay!

**Xanahtas** · June 7, 2011, 11:52 AM

Originally posted by tina13 View Post

I told him I'm not comfortable about him going to strip clubs. Maybe that was harsh huh ?!

Naah thats not harsh at all

My SO tried to get into a strip club (He was too young for the one he tried to go to) and i was slightly uncomfortable with that because i know his friends he went with would try and get a girl to do stuff or something for a laugh. I didnt mind him going because it was his friend last day there before he went to trianing for the army and stuff. But after i did tell him that i was uncomfortable about it but if he wanted to go, i was fine with that because i trust him. He now said he wouldnt go if i was uncomfortable about it. But from what ive heard they arent all that bad and stuff, but i just get jealous easy i guess >.< But i think you telling him how you feel about it isnt harsh at all.

**redbellepepper** · June 7, 2011, 03:50 PM

Originally posted by tina13 View Post

I told him I'm not comfortable about him going to strip clubs. Maybe that was harsh huh ?!

expressing how you feel about him going to strip clubs in a very gentle manner isn't harsh at all. open communication is always the key to any relationships.

**Alexandria Lora** · June 7, 2011, 05:36 PM

First, I want to say i understand you feeling uncomfortable. Let's face it, beautiful or not, a person will always have some type of insecurity about themselves and it will always transfer or show in some situation. But before I really go into that... I want to give kudos to your boyfriend, because he has shown you trust and honesty. He told you he was going out..with friends...to s strip club! YAAAYYYY! Yeah for him

You see he could have been afraid to even say anything or worse, lied. But he believes in you and the trust between you both. That is truly awesome!! Most importantly, he obviously knows that nothing bad could happen

He loves you and is serious about you...
1. Is it normal for guys to hang out and do wild stuff like go to strip bars? Well, from college parties to bachelor parties, men have been doing this for along time and it is widely accepted. Not to mention the bachelorette parties for us girls ( and let me tell you, sometimes I think the women are alot worse!! hahaha), women also participate in going to the strip clubs from time to time for wild nights and celebrations. So, is it normal in US culture?...Yes and many other countries and cultures too!
2. Is your reaction of discomfort normal? You betcha!!! But it isn't to say that your boyfriend is bad or wrong...its just that you aren't used to that as a norm and it is something you should talk to him about. I like how you mentioned cultural differences and I am sure he is aware of this in this type of situation too. So you can easily bring this up and that be the focal point..culture differences, strip clubs and how it made you feel. I am sure a boyfriend who is as honest as he is about his night out with the boys will be very understanding..

Now back to asking what is normal about how you felt. Let's just look at things from an objective point: no matter what, there will always be people who look, act, smell, speak different than you; different from each of us, in so many ways. We are all different which makes us all special!! It's remembering and never forgetting what makes you special and that your boyfriend sees that in you. There is nothing more special than you to him

)) So, if you can just remember that and truly feel that....situations like that will be like flies to swat at...a little annoying but nothing you can't handle

It's how you feel about yourself....and this is something I have to pound into my head as well.. I am special!

)

I hope this helps !! Best of Luck

**Phwoar** · June 7, 2011, 06:03 PM

Nothing wrong with telling him how you feel at all your allowed to it's your feelings and your opinion.
TBH I wouldn't like my SO going to one but I honestly don't think he would really want to anyway, but if he wanted to go fair do's I wouldn't stop him it's up to him what he does and I trust him. Then again I was with him when my pal had a stripper (and this one was a bare all full on stripper) and he was fine by it I think :/ never asked really so I can't say much if he went to see them/had one at a pals night or whatever
But you can tell him how you feel

**tina13** · June 10, 2011, 02:31 PM

Thank you guys so much for ur advice... They really helped me a lot

I told him my concerns and he understood how I felt.
By the end of the day , I understood his point of view and he understood mine

Talking is the solution !

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