Lets Talk About Weight

[Sierra]

Well, I have recently lost over 80lbs and as you can see on my ticker, I'm not near my goal yet. I still feel pretty gross about myself, I know that'll change with time.

My boyfriend obviously accepts me at the weight I am at, we met when I was at this weight, but now he's coming in 3 weeks and I'm freaking out that I haven't lost anymore weight.

I know he's ok with me the I am, but I'm not. I'm plenty confident in bed, we have sex with the lights on, walk around naked, all that.

It's just how do I accept that he accepts me? I'm so confused. I want him to think I'm beautiful but I don't know how that's possible when I don't feel beautiful myself.

[Mara]

You can't accept that he accepts you without first accepting yourself.

It's fine to want to become a healthier person, but your weight, image, or size does not define you. You define you and you have to accept that or else you won't be satisfied even when you reach your weight loss goal.

[NaNi]

I really don't know how to help you. Just always remember that he's with you, that he loves you and that you're also continuing to lose weight. There's nothing to feel bad about. It simply doesn't happen that fast. Don't beat yourself up over eating delicious, fatty things though. Especially infront of your SO. I'd rather have my girl eat a huge steak with fries and enjoying herself than a small salad without dressing.

[Sierra]

You can't accept that he accepts you without first accepting yourself.

It's fine to want to become a healthier person, but your weight, image, or size does not define you. You define you and you have to accept that or else you won't be satisfied even when you reach your weight loss goal.

I'm not trying to be mean, but this is psychobabble. I have accepted MYSELF, as myself a long time ago, it's my container that I'm not happy with, and you know what, I have a RIGHT to not be happy with it. My question here is how do I step across my insecurities regarding my own weight and instead of doubting him that he finds me attractive, accept that he does find me attractive.

People who have lost a huge amount of weight often suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and it takes your brain more than six months to catch up to your actual body image. So please, I've worked really hard to lose the weight I have and will continue to work hard, but I don't need to hear: "accept yourself first", that takes a significant amount of time and work when you've lost as much weight as I have and you have still have a goal to reach. As I said, I love me, I just don't like my body.

I really don't know how to help you. Just always remember that he's with you, that he loves you and that you're also continuing to lose weight. There's nothing to feel bad about. It simply doesn't happen that fast. Don't beat yourself up over eating delicious, fatty things though. Especially infront of your SO. I'd rather have my girl eat a huge steak with fries and enjoying herself than a small salad without dressing.

My therapist says that I should always do my best to remember exactly what you said, that he is with me and I should reveal in when he tells me I'm beautiful and instead of thinking that he has to say that because he's my boyfriend, realize that maybe he's saying it because he means it. He is a person with free will and if he didn't want to be with me at this weight, he wouldn't be with me.

Part of what is hard for me is that this is my first relationship since I've lost a significant amount of weight, and I still don't like how I look. I want to be more confident for him, because I know that would make him proud. He said the last time he was here he thought I was plenty confident and couldn't believe how beautiful I looked.

I just need a way to move those insecurities to the back of my head and accept that he's in this for real. Regardless of my weight and if I lose 5 more pounds or not.

[hillke]

I'm not trying to be mean, but this is psychobabble. I have accepted MYSELF, as myself a long time ago, it's my container that I'm not happy with, and you know what, I have a RIGHT to not be happy with it. My question here is how do I step across my insecurities regarding my own weight and instead of doubting him that he finds me attractive, accept that he does find me attractive.

YES! Good for you, I immediately wanted to say something about how silly that idea is. Since you've stepped up and dedicated yourself to a healthier lifestyle and lost all that weight, you shouldn't have to accept anything less than your goal, if you don't want to.

I am doing this new thing to Beau that I send him pictures when I feel less than pretty because he never fails to react in a positive way. He doesn't know that I'm just sending a picture because I'm looking for a boost, he just is so genuinely happy to see a picture and so appreciative and says such positive things that I always feel better afterwards.

[Sierra]

YES! Good for you, I immediately wanted to say something about how silly that idea is. Since you've stepped up and dedicated yourself to a healthier lifestyle and lost all that weight, you shouldn't have to accept anything less than your goal, if you don't want to.

I am doing this new thing to Beau that I send him pictures when I feel less than pretty because he never fails to react in a positive way. He doesn't know that I'm just sending a picture because I'm looking for a boost, he just is so genuinely happy to see a picture and so appreciative and says such positive things that I always feel better afterwards.

This is a really good idea, I do send him a good amount of pictures and he always compliments me on them. My therapist says I should accept these comments and not fight then and eventually they will become truths in my mind.

I just feel badly that he has to deal with my insecurity. It's hard for me to think that when he comes out here in 3 weeks and doesn't see me thinner than I was before he'll be less than thrilled, I know he'll just be happy to see me and it's my own insecurities spilling over, but I want to be confident around him even though my body is in transition.

[garnet]

I struggled through this myself. First visit, I had dropped around 80 pounds as well. Rane was happy with me.
Time for second visit, I was not at goal. I put the poor guy through endless talks about this. My insecurity over this was one of the main thoughts in my head each day. I still saw super fat me in the mirror, I was totally unable to see that anything had changed.
Anyway, I struggled through visit number two hating my body, feeling uncomfortable with his compliments, wondering why he was with me when he could be with someone else.

I don't know what happened. I never did accept and love my body, but I did accept that HE does. I somehow figured out that he is attracted to me, he is with me because he wants to be, and of course there is more to me than my jean size. I wish I could tell you how my brain crossed over to this point, but I honestly don't know. I do remember asking myself, if he gained a significant amount of weight, would that bother me? I knew the answer was no. I love him, and whatever state his body is in, it's HIM. Why was I fighting that he felt the same way? I thought about that for a while. It wasn't fair to assume that he didn't love me in the same way that I love him, if that makes sense. So I hesitantly just decided that I had a good thing. I don't have to love my body. It doesn't mean he shares those feelings. (Sorry, this paragraph wasn't written super clearly. >.<)

Congratulations on your weight loss. That is a wonderful accomplishment.

[lucybelle]

First of all congrats on losing all that weight! I think being healthy is the best thing you can do for yourself. Good luck with knocking out the remaining pounds!

Although I'm not overweight, I still sometimes have trouble accepting the way my body looks. I feel good in some clothes, and feel giant in others. My SO loves the way I look and constantly compliments me. I have stopped rejecting compliments, because it doesn't make sense to do so. I think, just like garnet said, I have gotten to the point where I like that my SO likes the way I look. When we met I was about 30lbs heavier, and he loved the way I looked then too. One of the reasons I love him so much is that he loves every curve I have. I guess it just takes time to feel that way.

Just try not to bash down his compliments. He really does love the way you look, and he wants you to know that.

[Sierra]

I struggled through this myself. First visit, I had dropped around 80 pounds as well. Rane was happy with me.
Time for second visit, I was not at goal. I put the poor guy through endless talks about this. My insecurity over this was one of the main thoughts in my head each day. I still saw super fat me in the mirror, I was totally unable to see that anything had changed.
Anyway, I struggled through visit number two hating my body, feeling uncomfortable with his compliments, wondering why he was with me when he could be with someone else.

I don't know what happened. I never did accept and love my body, but I did accept that HE does. I somehow figured out that he is attracted to me, he is with me because he wants to be, and of course there is more to me than my jean size. I wish I could tell you how my brain crossed over to this point, but I honestly don't know. I do remember asking myself, if he gained a significant amount of weight, would that bother me? I knew the answer was no. I love him, and whatever state his body is in, it's HIM. Why was I fighting that he felt the same way? I thought about that for a while. It wasn't fair to assume that he didn't love me in the same way that I love him, if that makes sense. So I hesitantly just decided that I had a good thing. I don't have to love my body. It doesn't mean he shares those feelings. (Sorry, this paragraph wasn't written super clearly. >.<)

Congratulations on your weight loss. That is a wonderful accomplishment.

First of all congrats on losing all that weight! I think being healthy is the best thing you can do for yourself. Good luck with knocking out the remaining pounds!

Although I'm not overweight, I still sometimes have trouble accepting the way my body looks. I feel good in some clothes, and feel giant in others. My SO loves the way I look and constantly compliments me. I have stopped rejecting compliments, because it doesn't make sense to do so. I think, just like garnet said, I have gotten to the point where I like that my SO likes the way I look. When we met I was about 30lbs heavier, and he loved the way I looked then too. One of the reasons I love him so much is that he loves every curve I have. I guess it just takes time to feel that way.

Just try not to bash down his compliments. He really does love the way you look, and he wants you to know that.

Thank you so much for sharing. I really am trying to accept his compliments, I definitely don't argue with him about them, I just say thank you. I know if his weight changed it wouldn't bother me at all but I have a hard time accepting that to a man, my weight wouldn't matter. I think I'll try to have a brief conversation with him sometime over the next few days letting him know my insecurities again and just saying 'I need to know you're ok with me at the weight I am' and I'll accept his answer as a truth.

He knows how hard I've worked to get to where I am now and he applauds me for it, but he's told me I don't have to be skinny to be with him. I think I may just need some more reassurance from him.

[jiynx]

I am very inspired by the weight you have lost. In school, I was always the 'bigger' kid and today, I'm at my heaviest. That being said, my SO tells me every day how beautiful he thinks I am, how lucky he is, etc. I, like you, was having a hard time accepting that he wants ME. He wants to be WITH ME. And nobody else. A big part of this is learning to trust your SO. If you think they are an honest person, then you have no choice but to believe them! xD

My advice is to learn in confiding in your SO. Once you've learned this, everything will become easier. (and remember, the more weight you lose, the longer it takes to lose the rest of it... so don't expect the same results in the same amount of time. It takes time to lose weight )

[Caitlin2009]

your always gonna be your own worst critic, im also trying to lose weight as im not happy with my size, but Denise doesnt seem to mind shes even told me "if you lose or gain weight its not gonna matter to me, i fell in love with you not how much you weigh" so ive kinda accepted myself a bit im never gonna think OMG IM SOOOOOO HOT I TURN MYSELF ON, lol and you probably wont think like that either which is a good thing, the point is he gets turned on by your looks and what he thinks really matters

[Mara]

I'm not trying to be mean, but this is psychobabble. I have accepted MYSELF, as myself a long time ago, it's my container that I'm not happy with, and you know what, I have a RIGHT to not be happy with it. My question here is how do I step across my insecurities regarding my own weight and instead of doubting him that he finds me attractive, accept that he does find me attractive.

People who have lost a huge amount of weight often suffer from body dysmorphic disorder and it takes your brain more than six months to catch up to your actual body image. So please, I've worked really hard to lose the weight I have and will continue to work hard, but I don't need to hear: "accept yourself first", that takes a significant amount of time and work when you've lost as much weight as I have and you have still have a goal to reach. As I said, I love me, I just don't like my body.

I'm not trying to deny your right to be unhappy about it, all I'm saying is in order to accept the fact he loves you just the way you are, you have to love yourself just the way you are. But that's just my opinion through life experience, etc. I use to weigh 250lbs at 12 years old. Through hard work, exercise, and a tad of starvation at 16 I weighed 150lbs. Was I happy with myself? No, because even though I had reached my goal I wasn't skinny enough. This quickly dissolved into something a tad bit short of an eating disorder. But maybe your case is different. With me, it never stopped until I did accept myself which to me includes my body. I had to be happy with myself at any weight and now I am. Yes, it was hard and no, it wasn't overnight, but it was something I needed to do for me.

[kiara_silver]

I can see where your coming from. I go through these insecurities too sometimes. I weighed about 45 pounds heavier than i do now. At 13 i think i was even heavier than that. And i started losing and since being with my SO im at my goal weight but i still don't have this amazing body, don't think i ever will but i am happy with myself, but i don't feel "sexy" My SO tells me he thinks i am, but he hasn't seen me in person yet. so im doubtful sometimes, lol those fears and worries. Maybe because this is my first relationship? I've never had the need to look good?
But i think its a mind set. Its all mental. Cause sometimes i get there lol i am totally in the right mind, i know i don't look perfect but i look good and he doesn't care because he loves me and thinks i look good. And im so confident, and then a few days later im looking in the mirror and thinking eh im going to wear sweat pants and a sweatshirt and cover every inch of me lol
So i really think its all mental. You say you have accepted yourself, but maybe you haven't fully? Because when you do and your feeling good about your body your in that state of mind where you think ah i look good, my SO would be turned on if he saw me lol
But its hard, your always your own worst critic. I can relate to these feelings, i go through them all the time. But keep positive, work out drink water but try see ur best features, and accept and believe the compliments you get, cause when your SO says them he means them

[Sloppy Joe]

Something I've recommended to some people, to change the way they think about something or the way they think about themselves, is to use verbage and affirmations that confirm what you want to believe. The more you say what you want to believe, the more you'll eventually believe it. If I can make some recommendations, here are a few.

"I'm ready to see myself as a beautiful person."
"I'm growing confident about my appearance."
"I feel more beautiful each day."
"I am a beautiful woman."

I recommend you say those affirmations to yourself a minimum of 10 times a day. Wherever you feel comfortable, be it to yourself in your room or maybe in the mirror. Or whatever. Try it for a month and see how you feel after that.

I also have experience with creating subliminal messages and subliminal recordings. I also have a couple websites from whom I purchase pre-made recordings. I usually use the websites when they have something that I want. If they don't have specifically what I'm looking for, I tend to make my own. That's just how I do playa. :P

Anyway, I wish you luck.

[Xanahtas]

Well i've never been any bigger than i am now, but i i've always felt my boobs arent nice and stuff. I used to be quite self concious about it and was always quite nervous for my SO to see, but he continuously told me how beautiful i am all over etc etc and in the end i did start to believe it.
My advice to you would be to try and love yourself and believe it when he says he loves the way you look, if he didnt, he wouldnt say it He wants you to love yourself like he loves you
Congrats on losing the weight btw!