SO unexperienced with relationships

[jjbabixo]

I hope someone can help me! I have tried to google this situation seeing if there were any articles or advice on it but I haven't been able to find anything. At this point I feel very frustrated with my relationship. I love my SO very much and he is a great person and treats me the way I should be treated. The major issue I am finding in our relationship is that I feel as though I have to spoon feed him every aspect of the relationship. He has been very sheltered all his life and I am his first serious realtionship.

Here are a few examples. Valentines day this year we had been dating for 11 months. He didn't know when Valentines day was then didn't know if it was appropriate to get me something because we hadn't been dating for over a year and then he didnt know what to get me. He is coming to visit in 2 days and he contacted on of my friends last week saying he wanted to bring me a gift. Then she had to constantly remind him of how many days he has left to go get something tell him what I might like what stores he should go to and where in the store to go. The only reason he is coming to visit me is because I basically nagged him and made him plan it or else he wouldnt be coming at all. It seems like he has good intentions but they all go so long. I am getting frustrated of having to initiate every aspect in our relationship. It's on a day to day basis too I feel like I need to mother and baby him and take care of him. I am a very independent person I was raised to be that way and have been taking care of myself since a very young age. While I know being in a relationship is being a team and helping one another out I dont want the feeling of having to be responsible and take care of someone. It takes me to tell him it's time for him to go and get a haircut and make an appointment for him before he will go.

This may sound harsh and I do love him very much I am just growing tired and frustrated of feeling like this. I am venting here and getting advice before approaching him because I do not know how to go about it without hurting his feelings or how to even have the discussion with him. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[leonsfangirl]

If your tired of babying him then stop, the things you do for him he will NEVER learn to do for himself but as this is his first realationship then your going to have to except that he doesnt know how to be romantic and when to buy gifts and what to buy ect...
Thats the only thing you can do.

[Mara]

Some people are just not independent by nature, but I don't believe they can ever build independence if they are not left to do things on their own. Stop helping him so much and I'm sure sooner or later he'll get the hang of it.

[lucybelle]

Tell him your worries, then slowly cut the ties. A relationship can't be one sided, and this one obviously is. You can't baby him anymore. No more spoon feeding. He needs to work harder and if he can't do these things on his own, I just have the feeling you'll be miserable.

[Sloppy Joe]

There's only really two options:

A. Stay with him and continue to teach him until he learns to do everything for himself.
B. Leave him and find someone else.

In my opinion, it's kind of heartless if you're ready to leave him just because he's struggling being in his first relationship even though you say you "love" him. But if you feel comfortable doing that to him, then power to you I suppose.

However, I will say that I'm my lady's first relationship too. It took lots of time teaching her how to react with me, how to do things for me and how to be in a relationship in certain aspects. It bothered me too at times that I had to teach her everything when I felt that she should already know this. On the inside though, I know it wasn't her fault and that I really did love her. So I stayed with her and I made it work. We've been together now for several years, she does most things automatically now and I love her to death. She's good to me, devoted and wonderful. And for that, I love her. Plus, it's just a waste of time to have put so much work into someone and then suddenly leave when you're not satisfied enough. What a serious waste of time after you've already put in so much effort.

If you really love him and want to stay with him, then try to focus on the stuff that he's actually learning from you and be happy about what you've done for him so far, instead of putting so much attention to the negative aspects or the stuff that he still needs to learn.

That's my only real recommendation. Sorry if I wasn't much help.