A change in tone...
So as I mentioned, was writing her. Slowly. Trying to step back when I feel like I am sort of losing sense of the purpose for the words.
Also working on the mix "tape" to go alone with the letter (a silly tradition I suppose) but the last several days, there is a strong change inside. I feel more in control. Centering after a few really bad nights. I feel like its all been a giant emotional hangover.... I was so just in and out of control in May that I still keep writing the date as May because it honestly feels like I blacked out for a month with everything.
So before I go any further, just for kicks, again, looking to change the mix up a bit more from the last post, really more then anything I just want to say that I am sorry. I did get a little selfish when I shouldn't have. I got worried. Scared. Overwelmed and the last thing she needed was for any of my own emotions to be her problem. So I want to say sorry and stress that we can be just friends. I don't want her worrying about a relationship right now. And I am strong enough now to take back the wheel and steer. I feel in control again. There was more going on this side of the phone/screen then her and it all just sort of exploded when she had her injury and I suddenly realized that I cared more then I had really even known. It all became so real and solid when faced with the notion that I might never hear her voice again. Might never have our time. Or worse...
So I've really been trying to keep focused on writing her and putting this little mix together because my words never really come out right. The mix is just nice saftey net in case I don't say things the way I wanted too... I want her to know that I am her friend. I can wait on the rest. She is worth it. And if its meant to be it will... But right now she needs a friend first.
... I don't want to push her away. Any more then I may have.
Song suggestions or even quotes (another silly thing I like to do in letters just to break up some of topics) related to any of this would be awesome
Your past suggestions were pretty good! Cheers folks.
Also working on the mix "tape" to go alone with the letter (a silly tradition I suppose) but the last several days, there is a strong change inside. I feel more in control. Centering after a few really bad nights. I feel like its all been a giant emotional hangover.... I was so just in and out of control in May that I still keep writing the date as May because it honestly feels like I blacked out for a month with everything.
So before I go any further, just for kicks, again, looking to change the mix up a bit more from the last post, really more then anything I just want to say that I am sorry. I did get a little selfish when I shouldn't have. I got worried. Scared. Overwelmed and the last thing she needed was for any of my own emotions to be her problem. So I want to say sorry and stress that we can be just friends. I don't want her worrying about a relationship right now. And I am strong enough now to take back the wheel and steer. I feel in control again. There was more going on this side of the phone/screen then her and it all just sort of exploded when she had her injury and I suddenly realized that I cared more then I had really even known. It all became so real and solid when faced with the notion that I might never hear her voice again. Might never have our time. Or worse...
So I've really been trying to keep focused on writing her and putting this little mix together because my words never really come out right. The mix is just nice saftey net in case I don't say things the way I wanted too... I want her to know that I am her friend. I can wait on the rest. She is worth it. And if its meant to be it will... But right now she needs a friend first.
... I don't want to push her away. Any more then I may have.
Song suggestions or even quotes (another silly thing I like to do in letters just to break up some of topics) related to any of this would be awesome
Your past suggestions were pretty good! Cheers folks.