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    #1

    Age Difference Problem!

    Didn't really know where to post this, but it will potentially be a long distance relationship when I'm back at school.

    So, I really haven't been here for a while, just because my way of coping with things is forgetting they ever happened and moving on (I've only bumped into my ex at the same place once this summer so far, thank God). Since my big break up I have hung out with 3 guys on dates, all of which I kissed at some point through these dates, and seriously NO fireworks. But now, there's a forth guy, who I get sparks from just a hug or seeing him, and he is SUCH a great person in every way. He has been just a friend for a while and he even visited me up at school once, but he has really liked me for quite some time now, and I've been TRYING not to like him.

    So here's the big barrier. Dating him isn't exactly legal. We are 3.5 years apart in age, and that means he's 15 and I'm 18. From what I've researched I cannot get a definite answer, some sources say it's only illegal if we have sex, others say even dating/kissing is illegal. His parents okay with the whole thing and they really like me (they have an 11 year age difference, and yes his mom is older) and they're just incredibly understanding people. He said they are entirely supportive of it and will not make it a legal issue even if we break up. So my question to you all is 1) Does anyone know the exact law 2) Is it a risk worth taking for someone that makes me really happy. 3) Is anyone else in a similar scenario with age difference?
    ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~
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    #2
    This link may be some use to you. https://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm

    Legally, there is nothing wrong with you two becoming a couple, the situation could become a problem if sex is involved.
    When I was 16 and my now husband was 18 that was something that we had to look in to, so I completely understand where you're coming from. Though that was 2 years ago for us, I still know what you're going through.
    At the end of the day though, your happiness is what matters, if both your parents and his are supportive I would say to take the leap, just make sure you are completely understanding what you're getting yourself in to at first with the law being an issue.

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      #3
      Thank you, besides legal issues I'm going to get a lot of crap from people for being a "cougar" or something, but the the truth of the matter is he is very mature for his age, and he really understands me. To me and to him sex really isn't important, so I'm not too worried about that yet, but it definitely could become a problem later on.
      ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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        #4
        It's no problem at all. As far as what other people may think, just always remember that it's simply words. As long as you have the ones you matter backing you up, then you'll get through it. Age is just a number, their are couples out there in the world who are even 20 years apart, but just as happy, if not happier, than couples that are closer is the age vicinity. You'll figure out what you need to do when the time is right, just hold on to the way you feel.

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          #5
          When Rane & I got together, he was 17, and I was 28!! Talk about robbing the cradle. >.> We sound SO BAD on paper (although now at 20 and 30 it raises less eyebrows). We had an amazing relationship, but I did say absolutely no sex until he was 18. THe laws ARE iffy. Some say it's just the age of consent in the state it takes place, some say just no. Anyways, I think it's fine to date. Taking it physical is potentially unwise at this time.
          Good luck, it is a pain to get the cougar comments, and all the rest.

          ---------- Post added at 08:16 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:15 AM ----------

          When Rane & I got together, he was 17, and I was 28!! Talk about robbing the cradle. >.> We sound SO BAD on paper (although now at 20 and 30 it raises less eyebrows). We had an amazing relationship, but I did say absolutely no sex until he was 18. THe laws ARE iffy. Some say it's just the age of consent in the state it takes place, some say just no. Anyways, I think it's fine to date. Taking it physical is potentially unwise at this time.
          Good luck, it is a pain to get the cougar comments, and all the rest.

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            #6
            Three years isn't a huge difference, but age can be "bigger" when the couple is younger. For example, my SO is 30 and I'm 24. He's about 6.5 years older than me, but no one has ever said anything about our ages. But, I'm sure if we had gotten together while we were 19 and 13 it would have been "bad".

            I guess I don't see a huge problem with dating, just no physical stuff until it's "legal". And waiting 3 years for that might suck a whole lot. I wish you the best!

            ---------- Post added at 09:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:42 AM ----------

            Three years isn't a huge difference, but age can be "bigger" when the couple is younger. For example, my SO is 30 and I'm 24. He's about 6.5 years older than me, but no one has ever said anything about our ages. But, I'm sure if we had gotten together while we were 19 and 13 it would have been "bad".

            I guess I don't see a huge problem with dating, just no physical stuff until it's "legal". And waiting 3 years for that might suck a whole lot. I wish you the best!

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              #7
              Originally posted by vpavelock View Post
              Thank you, besides legal issues I'm going to get a lot of crap from people for being a "cougar" or something, but the the truth of the matter is he is very mature for his age, and he really understands me.
              There is an 11 year age difference between my So and I, and I hear the cougar comments constantly. It really shocks me sometimes how comfortable people are commenting on the relationships of others! They bug me to no end especially since I don't see myself as someone who fits the cougar stereotype (ie. prowling for boy toys). I've talked to my SO about the comments and he just tells me I "get mad because I want to get mad". So you really should at least prepare yourself for the comments and figure out how you'll deal with them. The flipside is most guys dating an older woman will likely get nothing but props and admiration from his peers, especially if you're higher professionally.

              It's true that the older you get, the less an age difference tends to matter. At the end of the day it's YOU that needs to be happy with your choice in a partner. Good luck.

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                #8
                When I started dating my SO I was 15 and he was 20, so I can tell you from personal expierence how hard this is going to be, for one you're probably going to get a lot of crap about your age difference and it sucks knowing that even when you are together you can't kiss or be with him in any physical way, when you really do love someone it's really hard not to break the rules, in my state if you are caught doing anything sexual which includes kissing the older one will be charged with rape, even if it's consensual, sent to prison for at least 5 years and will need to be registered as a sex offender for the rest of their life.

                Even knowing all of this the last 2 years that I have been with my SO have been the best 2 years of my life, he has made me felt so loved and cared for, I don't think you shouldn't date him just because of the age difference, yes it will be hard but once he turns 18 you guys will feel so amazing, in a way it feels as though you've just seen your SO for the first time after being in an LDR after years of waiting, honestly it'll be such a long and hard road but it will definitely be worth it.

                Notes:
                Met: 8.17.09
                Started Dating: 8.20.09
                First Met: 10.2.10
                Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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                  #9
                  When I was 19 I went on a few dates with a guy who was 16. It didn't really work out in the end and we were never more than friends with some sort of tension.
                  I didn't know how old he was at first (he didn't know my age either) and we were both quite surprised when we learnt each other's age. I was sure he was 20ish.
                  Anyway, my then flatmates went batshit crazy, when they found out. They kept making snide remarks about me being interested in children, that I was irresponsible and whatnot. Really, they were worse than family.
                  3.5 years at your age is some age difference, but it's no reason you two can't date. In one or two years, no one's gonna think twice about it. Well, maybe some will, but that's their business. Plus I bet people would accept it more of the guy was older - double standards at their best.

                  I'm a year older than my boyfriend (23/22) and I got the "Oh, I could never date someone younger" a lot. Yeah... because 1 year and 1 weak is totally younger *rolleyes*

                  ♥ Być tam, zawsze tam, gdzie Ty. ♥

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                    #10
                    Hi there, here's an other cougar
                    we don't really have this law thing anymore cause he is 19 now (I'm 3 years older than him) but just don't care about what others says. At the very beginning of our relationship I was so worried and annoyed and confused about these things. I got mad so easily if someone mentioned it but after a while I just started to get to used to and say that well I love him and he is way the best boyfriend that I've ever had and he is amazing and understand me like noone else before (I even tried to dating with guys who were 13 years older than me but it didn't work out) the first thing that you have to do is calm down and get clear this situation with yourself. Are you really worried about it? Do you think that it will effect your feeling? Are you okay with the borders of this relationship? and if you are totally fine with everything you won't care that much about the other people neither. Maybe he is younger than you but if he is your soulmate it really doesn't matter.

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                      #11
                      I don't know about the law situation but I do know that I'm older than my SO just under 3 years, like if he had waited another month to be born than we would be exactly 3 years apart. when we started dating he was 16 and I was 19, then he turned 17 then I turned 20 (and so on). As far as the law I had read as long as you aren't 3 years older? I don't know BUT what I do know is it only seems like a huge age gap RIGHT now, ya know? 5 years from now it won't matter to anyone (I think)
                      I'll be 26 and he'll be 22? it doesn't sound or look as bad.

                      If you think you will be happy with him, I say don't be scared to follow your heart! sounds like he has great parents who support you two and try not to worry about what others will think
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                        #12
                        I wouldn't worry too much about it. It depends by state on the laws. In texas, for example, 17 is the legal consent age. I know some have a younger age (I think it is 14 in CO) My SO and I are 6.5 years apart and started dating when I was 15! We waited til I was 17 to do anything serious and also waited til then to put it on facebook or anywhere online, just in case. 3 years really isn't bad!

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                          #13
                          Thanks everyone. I'm still a little worried to jump the gun on this, but it's nice to hear that other people have been in similar circumstances. And I just love how you are all not judgmental. Thank you!
                          ~"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them"~

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                            #14
                            If you really like him and his parents are understanding and cool with it, just go for it. Don't worry about break ups or anything. Just worry about what you feel and what you want. I'm not saying break any laws, but if no one cares (with regard to who's involved) then there's not too much to worry about.
                            "The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson."
                            -Tom Bodett

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                              #15
                              Me and my SO have a 3.5 year age gap. When we started dating, i was 15 and he was 18. Sex was involved which would make it illegal but now im 16 and he is 19 so now its perfectly legal.
                              I think if you like him, go for it. You might get some shit (Me and my SO did) but its worth it for someone you care about Dont let anyone get in the way

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