People Knowing (family, friends,co-workers, etc)

[knhdarw]

So all of my family & friends know I'm in a LDR with my SO, and that he lives about 1000miles away. And even though some of my family didn't take it well they have gotten ust to it or just completely ignore it all together like it doesn't exist.... BUT heres the kicker only people that know about me on my BF's side is his friends and 1 cousin and her husband. His parents do not know about me and neither does his Bro or Sis, I was kinda hurt tonight because we were on OOVOO like usual his mom came into the room and he shut off his webcam so fast that it shoulda made his moms head spin. He says that he's 25 and pays his and his parents bills (I know he really in fact does to this) so he doesnt have to share anything about his personal life with them that he's a grown man and doesnt want his mom all in his business with me. IDK but i found this extremely hurtful, he knows i have went to hell and back to have this relationship with him and probably have ruined my relationship with my mom,dad,and definitely my older sister. And also im supposed to be moving to where he is in a year and i'm not so sure about that anymore if he's hiding me from his family i guess thats the best way i could put it

I just wanna know if yall were in the same situation would you be hurt by this or would you let it go?

[Darth_Taco]

Honestly? I'd be really pissed off and ask him why he hasn't brought up the relationship to his loved ones yet. He's a grown man paying their bills, he's more than earned his right to date whoever he wants as long as they're legal. Don't let this go. If you're expected to make the sacrifice of moving in with him, he owes you the truth.

[TheBadRomancer]

I'd be really sad if my girlfriend didn't tell people. /: Like, I'd feel bad thinking she'd HAVE to, but I'd wonder why she hadn't. /:

[kat4301]

I agree with everyone else's comments, but remember family is so complicated, there is obviously a lot of back story if he is paying for everyone's bills. I would see how it unfolds over the next year and like everything else just keep talking about it. There may be a difference between never telling them until you are physically there and telling them when the time is right. When I first started dating my boyfriend I never came right out and told my parents, "hey we are together" because I was having trouble growing up (i guess). My boyfriend was understanding and of course they found out when the time was right for me, but I appreciated his ability to accept how different my family was than his, cause his family knew from the very moment we started dating. Hope it works out for you.

[lucybelle]

Well I guess I can kind of sympathize with your SO. He might be more personal with relationships. I've never been one to go around and flaunt my relationship. In fact I don't even tell people unless they flat out ask me. When I went down to visit my SO the first time I lied to all my family and friends and said I was going because I missed the country. While I was there I met his family and they all knew about me. Of course I eventually told my family, but that's not something easy for me. Even now when we're together, I don't like PDA, I don't talk about our relationship, when people ask us if we're in love I just sort of giggle and turn away. I don't like feeling vulnerable by expressing my feelings publicly. My SO knows I love him, and I show a lot of affection in private. But it's just something that's hard for me to do in public. Maybe your SO is the same way?

[Zephii]

I can understand that people like their privacy and everything. Obi is one of those people, loves privacy, and it took him a long time to want to talk to his family about anything invloving romance or his private life. But at least before I came for my first visit, they knew who I was. They didn't know how serious it was, or how long we'd been close though, and that was a bit of a hassel. I don't like being treated like I'm some girl he just met and bought home from the pub, rather than someone who's been on the scene the last 5 years... so yeah, my point is, at some stage you're going to have to be face to face with these people, and that's going to be a lot worse if they never even knew your name before you arrived.

Personally I think he needs to man it up. He doesn't have to bring it up over dinner, but if the webcam is going and his mum walks in (assuming you are both still dressed) he should let it keep going and casually say "this is my friend..." (I hated being "the friend" but "friend" is a lot less intimidating for the first few rounds and you need to start somewhere.) I'd talk to him about it, and I wouldn't let it go until it was resolved.

[knhdarw]

Yea idk i feel like a idiot because i was so hurt because the look on his face was that of a little boy who had just been caught stealing cookies. He's 25 and takes cares of hid family financially long story but he just has to and his ex GF was a horrible horrible person who treated the entire family like garbage and he thinks if he tells his mom she'll think im just another slut he brought around to make there lives hell again. She says she doesnt wanna meet another girl he's in love with (so she will not meet me even without knowing about me) So already i know his mom and dad could give to flying flips about me and him being together.... And as far as PDA goes no were very affectionate in public its never OMG GET A ROOM type but people know we love each other only people theres NO PDA aloud in front of is my parents hahaha dont wanna cause them a heart attack LOL.... BUT idk im stuck between a rock and a hard place I dont wanna feel hidden and that i'm not good enough for his parents to know about... And i dont wanna make things harder at his house if them knowing about me truly would be difficult. So idk which is the right thing to do

[lucybelle]

I agree with what Zephii wrote. He should start bringing you up as a "friend". That's how I eased into it too. I'd say "oh I was talking to my friend and blah blah" Then my family had heard his name enough they started asking ME if we were involved.

[wstcstflgrl]

I had a simular situation with the BF. I had asked him why he had not told his parents about me. He said he was a private person and his mother is very over barring and likes to get into his business. I did not understand this becaues I wanted to tell the world about tim and that he was the love of my life...Any how; prior to my 1st trip to where he lives, I had asked him to tell his mom i was coming so she would not be suprised to find me at his house while he was at work, since she pops over to his place all the time. well well...after meeting her I realize He was being nice with what he said about her. I now understand to the fullest why he did not want to tell her about me.

[Kyla]

I can kind of relate to your SO. My boyfriend and I were CD when we first met, but I still didn't mention him to my parents at the time. My parents live about 500 km away, so it wasn't something they were going to stumble upon and find out. We had been seeing each other for awhile before I brought it up with my mom (who, in turn, told my entire extended family). It's not that I was ashamed of him or the relationship in any way, I just knew how my mother would react, and I wasn't ready for that yet. I think it's really important to remember that family dynamics can be drastically different from family to family. I'd bring it up with him and ask. Maybe he has a really good reason for wanting to keep it quiet for right now.

Good luck!

[knhdarw]

Kyla I agree with you to a point I told my parents and let him come on vaca with my fam... I knew before he stepped off the plane that it was gonna be Hell my family dont like anything or anyone different and he's not the country college boy they thought id end up with. He's a southern guy that is nerdy and a lil quirky @ times but makes me laugh and all that everything I love about him they didnt like hahaha so me and my family havent been the same after i brought them into mine and his world my relationships with my parents and sister has changes drastically and idk if i can ever fix it. But i took the chance and told the world about him.... and they didnt accept it yet i could care less cause i have my BF...

[kiara_silver]

I can semi relate. For the past two years his parents and family didn't know anything about me at all. I had told my parents and now pretty much my whole family knows, aunts,uncles friends cousins everyone. And sometimes i wondered what this meant, if maybe it was really more to it then him just not being close. But this is a tricky situation. Its hard to open sometimes, and not everyone has that close knit family. For my SO he likes his privacy, and i respect him enough that i didn't pressure him to tell. (although my family did.....) I think it shouldn't be a huge issue, as long as he does plan to tell them eventually, before any big decision like moving in or getting married or having you move in. But as far as dating up till that i think its your SO's decision. But i would stress to him how you feel. Because i do think that is big. When you introduce someone to your family i think its a sign of love. Your showing hey this is my girl and im committed to her. I think it means more then introducing to friends. But at the same time, as long as he loves you and wants to be with you i think its worth the wait.

[13000km]

I basically only told my family and not anyone else. My friends know about him but not about our relationship. At first, he said he understood why, and that he didn't mind, but towards the end he jokingly said "nice to know you're ashamed of me" and stuff like "you're moving across the world for me, I think people can deal with knowing we love each other". I guess I didn't tell my friends the full story because I didn't think I needed to answer all the where did you meet, how do you know he's who he says he is, is it worth it questions. I'm also afraid of being judged for moving across the world to someone I met over the internet. I suppose mine is a different situation because my friends know about him, just not that extent of our relationship.

Perhaps you can ask him what exactly it is that he doesn't want his mum and the rest of his family to know? Maybe has has his reasons behind not telling them that are more than "it's my life and I want to keep it private". Maybe he doesn't even know those reasons yet. Talk to him about it if he is willing to without accusing him of anything (hiding you from his family) and hopefully the conversation helps you be more at ease with the situation.