Jealousy/Feeling Conflicted

[Tanja]

I must be really laid back then cause it wouldn't bother me one bit. I know that my SO loves ME and I trust him 100%, I would not care if he was dancing with other girls. That's what people do when they go clubbing and there's nothing wrong with it. He doesn't drink though so he doesn't go out like that but if he did I'd tell him: "Go out, have fun, flirt as much as you want and then come back home and do me".

[oukeying]

^ Tanja, I really wish I could be like you, for his sake.



I told him how I felt last night, before I posted, but in the end I told him to do what he wants, because all his reasoning made me feel like I was being unreasonable..
But it looks like I wasn't being so unreasonable, that many people would feel the same way as I, so I'm gonna bring it up again tonight. Thanks for all your responses! (:

[rivi87]

I agree with her...guess its bc I'm not a jealous person. That and I know I let alone anyone else could get him to "bump and grind dance" lol. It would be more of a slow dance and thats not a big deal..I dont think so anyway but I know how he feels about it and he wouldnt be a fan so I dont

[theyellowdart]

I would totally be uncomfortable and even jealous if my girlfriend were to go out to the bars and clubs and dance with some doods..

I know she'd equally be not okay if I were to go out and dance with some random girls.

It's just disrespectful to me.

[Lunar Snow]

^ Tanja, I really wish I could be like you, for his sake.



I told him how I felt last night, before I posted, but in the end I told him to do what he wants, because all his reasoning made me feel like I was being unreasonable..
But it looks like I wasn't being so unreasonable, that many people would feel the same way as I, so I'm gonna bring it up again tonight. Thanks for all your responses! (:

I really respect Tanja, but I want to remind you to respect your own feeling and situation. What works for someone else might not work for you and your relationship, especially if you have feelings that indicate that that solution comes at your own expense (jealousy, feeling like your opinion and feelings are less valuable than your SO's).

You aren't being unreasonable and he shouldn't be trying to reason your feelings away. I really liked how some others mentioned having rules about only doing things you and your SO would be okay with if you were there in person together. Do talk to him again.

I am a little worried that you are feeling like you often have to sacrifice your feelings of happiness and security in the relationship always for your SO's sake. In my opinion, both sides of the couple need to have their feelings equally valued, or at least considered, on issues that cause strife in the relationship. Be self-sacrificing, in terms of finding time to talk with him, visit with him, etc., but also preserve your own feelings and selfhood in the relationship; you have a right to talk to him about this and have him listen and, as your SO, he should be able to organise a compromise or change, where you will feel more secure.

[Yaaamiii]

I think I'm like you, if I knew my SO was dancing with other girls I would feel jealous and hurt, I know it's unreasonable, but the way people dance today is pretty much dry humping sex on the dance floor, I don't think I would mind as much if it was like classical dancing but knowing that he would be grinding up against other girls would drive me insane.

Yup, I must agree. Though it would seem unreasonable, I would probably feel jealous and a bit insecure as well. At least we both feel the same way, because from what I know, he wouldn't like me dancing with other guys either. It's kinda just something that he and I share as a couple, and though it may sound cheesy, its just us xD.
Talk to him! Tell him how it makes you feel. Maybe placing him in your shoes may work?

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I know if my SO was dancing with other girls, I'd be jealous. I'm usually not a jealous person either, but there's just something about dancing with someone else that rubs me the wrong way. You should feel comfortable telling him how you feel...if it bothers you, he won't know unless you say something to him. But, if you do tell him, please make sure you do it respectfully and don't accuse. Guys hate when they are being accused of something and will get defensive. If you approach him in a respectful manner, he will be more inclined to listen to you and not feel threatened.

[oukeying]

I really respect Tanja, but I want to remind you to respect your own feeling and situation. What works for someone else might not work for you and your relationship, especially if you have feelings that indicate that that solution comes at your own expense (jealousy, feeling like your opinion and feelings are less valuable than your SO's).

You aren't being unreasonable and he shouldn't be trying to reason your feelings away. I really liked how some others mentioned having rules about only doing things you and your SO would be okay with if you were there in person together. Do talk to him again.

I am a little worried that you are feeling like you often have to sacrifice your feelings of happiness and security in the relationship always for your SO's sake. In my opinion, both sides of the couple need to have their feelings equally valued, or at least considered, on issues that cause strife in the relationship. Be self-sacrificing, in terms of finding time to talk with him, visit with him, etc., but also preserve your own feelings and selfhood in the relationship; you have a right to talk to him about this and have him listen and, as your SO, he should be able to organise a compromise or change, where you will feel more secure.

I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I was clear here? I meant, I wish I could be like Tanja, for his sake, but I can't.
And, from the response I received, I do know now that I wasn't being unreasonable, so I am going to talk to him again tonight.

I'm not worried at all that I might often sacrifice my feelings for him. This was the first time. Which is why I was feeling so conflicted, conflicted enough to post about it.

Thank you for both of your comments; I really appreciate them. I'm going to bring up some of the points you mentioned when I talk to him.

[TheBadRomancer]

Like... dirty dancing? Yeah, it'd make me uncomfortable if my SO was doing that.
Okay, not mine right now because I know she'd just be doing it to laugh at herself, but I mean in general.

[Lunar Snow]

Yes, sorry, it must have been a misunderstanding. On LFAD, we only have what we have read from a poster to go on, so I assumed by the way you were writing that it wasn't the first time, which made me concerned. Glad to hear that you are working things out proactively.

I hope that all goes well.

I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I was clear here? I meant, I wish I could be like Tanja, for his sake, but I can't.
And, from the response I received, I do know now that I wasn't being unreasonable, so I am going to talk to him again tonight.

I'm not worried at all that I might often sacrifice my feelings for him. This was the first time. Which is why I was feeling so conflicted, conflicted enough to post about it.

Thank you for both of your comments; I really appreciate them. I'm going to bring up some of the points you mentioned when I talk to him.