Every time I post here it's always almost something negative... Grr, I need to change this. 
But then again, I get super conflicted and annoyed and insecure and I guess I'm not meant to do any form of LDR. Sometimes I even feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship because I'm /that/ insecure.
Anyway, I went home to Singapore for a little while (my grandfather was hospitalized and just recently passed away -- funeral was today), and now that everything is over I want to head back to the USA. Since I'm back I decided to stay a little longer to settle some things and hang out with my friends here, but it's not like I want to stay in Singapore for the whole of summer... Initially my flight back to San Francisco was 1st July. My SO is currently up in Nevada where he has a house and is there to take care of things. But he is due to head back to SF anyway.
So, a couple of days back I told my SO my return plans, and he was all "1st - 3rd July is bad, I have to be in Nevada". He gave me some options like returning earlier and taking a flight up to Reno and he'll pick me up there; or just stay in SF until he gets back, or come back later and he might be able to come pick me up. So, I wanted to change my flight earlier, then he shot me down saying it's a waste of money, he'll be back in SF soon etc. I told him I'll change my flight later and hope he'll be there to pick me up. But somehow I get this idea that he doesn't want me back yet, because all he says is "maybe".
I tried to change my schedule to fit his. I've been doing this each time I've returned to the USA. Right now I'm also in a really fragile state because I just lost my grandfather whom I'm really close to and I am not really entertaining his idea that I go to his place and stay there until he gets back (I don't have a key, I'll have to rely on his roommate to PERHAPS be there to let me in), and I don't really want to be by myself. I ultimately changed my flight to a slightly later date, but he's still all "meh, maybe. You can just stay by yourself in SF until I get there". But the point is right now I don't really want to do that.
I guess I'm being super frustrating and annoying and clingy but I really just want to be with him. He's not letting me fly up earlier to be with him there and then drive back with him when he has to return. He's being vague about MAYBE picking me up at the airport (you'd think that he'll want to see me again, or something, we were supposed to spend summer together!). I know I should be more independent and not have to rely on him, but I don't really have any other family in the SF area and my friends are 3 hours away from SF... (my college is also 2 hours away from SF). Is there any way I can convince him to be there? The drive from NV to SF is about 7 hours, and about $100 in gas, but he knows I'll pay him back. Plus he says he has to go back to SF around the date I'm coming back anyway! I've already changed the date from my original ticket to fit with his schedule better...
Sometimes I wish he'd just do something out of his way for me. Like picking me up at the airport. I just want to see him again and pick up my life where it got cut short. :'(
LFAD, is there any advice for this? I'm scared of bringing it up again because he'll be all "stop being so insecure and there's no problem living by yourself for a bit". I don't even have a key to his place so what's the point? I could blow $80 a night to stay a hotel until he gets there but he's also against that idea. How do I convince him that I don't want to stay at his place (like an illegal squatter) until he gets here? I don't even have a key and he'll have to call his housemate to let me in... How do I let him know that I would really like it if he would be at the airport to pick me up after 20 hours on a flight? How do I explain that I rather continue with my life than stay at home in Singapore and be depressed and missing him and caught up in unwanted family drama? I don't know if I'm overreacting but omg I am getting so annoyed by this. I just wished he'd be more CERTAIN about things. And just you know, be there for me when I get back...
Sigh, another long ramble. I am so sorry.
But then again, I get super conflicted and annoyed and insecure and I guess I'm not meant to do any form of LDR. Sometimes I even feel like I shouldn't be in a relationship because I'm /that/ insecure.Anyway, I went home to Singapore for a little while (my grandfather was hospitalized and just recently passed away -- funeral was today), and now that everything is over I want to head back to the USA. Since I'm back I decided to stay a little longer to settle some things and hang out with my friends here, but it's not like I want to stay in Singapore for the whole of summer... Initially my flight back to San Francisco was 1st July. My SO is currently up in Nevada where he has a house and is there to take care of things. But he is due to head back to SF anyway.
So, a couple of days back I told my SO my return plans, and he was all "1st - 3rd July is bad, I have to be in Nevada". He gave me some options like returning earlier and taking a flight up to Reno and he'll pick me up there; or just stay in SF until he gets back, or come back later and he might be able to come pick me up. So, I wanted to change my flight earlier, then he shot me down saying it's a waste of money, he'll be back in SF soon etc. I told him I'll change my flight later and hope he'll be there to pick me up. But somehow I get this idea that he doesn't want me back yet, because all he says is "maybe".
I tried to change my schedule to fit his. I've been doing this each time I've returned to the USA. Right now I'm also in a really fragile state because I just lost my grandfather whom I'm really close to and I am not really entertaining his idea that I go to his place and stay there until he gets back (I don't have a key, I'll have to rely on his roommate to PERHAPS be there to let me in), and I don't really want to be by myself. I ultimately changed my flight to a slightly later date, but he's still all "meh, maybe. You can just stay by yourself in SF until I get there". But the point is right now I don't really want to do that.
I guess I'm being super frustrating and annoying and clingy but I really just want to be with him. He's not letting me fly up earlier to be with him there and then drive back with him when he has to return. He's being vague about MAYBE picking me up at the airport (you'd think that he'll want to see me again, or something, we were supposed to spend summer together!).
I know I should be more independent and not have to rely on him, but I don't really have any other family in the SF area and my friends are 3 hours away from SF... (my college is also 2 hours away from SF). Is there any way I can convince him to be there? The drive from NV to SF is about 7 hours, and about $100 in gas, but he knows I'll pay him back. Plus he says he has to go back to SF around the date I'm coming back anyway! I've already changed the date from my original ticket to fit with his schedule better... Sometimes I wish he'd just do something out of his way for me. Like picking me up at the airport. I just want to see him again and pick up my life where it got cut short. :'(
LFAD, is there any advice for this? I'm scared of bringing it up again because he'll be all "stop being so insecure and there's no problem living by yourself for a bit". I don't even have a key to his place so what's the point? I could blow $80 a night to stay a hotel until he gets there but he's also against that idea. How do I convince him that I don't want to stay at his place (like an illegal squatter) until he gets here? I don't even have a key and he'll have to call his housemate to let me in... How do I let him know that I would really like it if he would be at the airport to pick me up after 20 hours on a flight? How do I explain that I rather continue with my life than stay at home in Singapore and be depressed and missing him and caught up in unwanted family drama? I don't know if I'm overreacting but omg I am getting so annoyed by this. I just wished he'd be more CERTAIN about things. And just you know, be there for me when I get back...
Sigh, another long ramble. I am so sorry.
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