I get paranoid with the distance..

[sjomar]

Hello all,
I keep getting paranoid that my girlfriend is cheating on me, this was never a problem in the first 4 months of our relationship (when i lived in CA, 5 mins from her) but ive been in Australia for the last 3 months and i keep getting paranoid, like "what if she gets tired of waiting" and "what if shes f**king around behind my back"
Shes staying at her friends place who has a lot of guys over, but she always tells me that she loves me and that im her everything and that she cant wait until i get back because she hasnt had sex in 3 months (i go back to CA in 3 weeks).. But i cant help but get paranoid (though i must admit i have been known to be paranoid in relationships in the past, not controlling but just thinking up the worst possible scenarios in my head)
I dont know what to do about this, i hate it and im always feeling worried
Any advice? thanks

[Moon]

Why don't you trust her? LDR's come down to two things, trust and communication. Without them, your relationship doesn't have a chance, nothing kills a relationship quicker than trust issues. I don't know how to tell you to trust, only that if you don't learn, you aren't going to have a healthy relationship. Why would she go through the hassle of an LDR if she wanted to be with other people? For most women, relationships aren't based solely on sex, we're often content to wait for the person we love, if we do indeed love them. Of course that's not true in all cases, but if she's a decent and honest girl, she'll wait. It's not like she can't take care of "things" herself, if she needs to, you know?

Don't torture yourself, if everything feels OK when you're talking with her, and you have no real suspicion, just let it go. As you can see by this forum, there are many, many women in LDR's who remain faithful regardless of the distance. LDR's do require some blind faith, and if you aren't able to do that, then an LDR may not be the best idea for you. Good luck.

[sjomar]

I never intended to be in a long distance relationship, i just had to come out to Australia for a few months and i didnt want to leave her because i love her
But its probably just me

[Tanja]

Has she given you any reason NOT to trust her? If she hasn't, then I'm afraid you just have to stick it out and try not to think about the worst. I bet the chance of her waiting for you patiently vs. the chance that she will sleep with someone in the heat of the moment and destroys your relationship is about 100000:1. Try to relax and be happy that you'll see her again so soon!

[Moon]

I never intended to be in a long distance relationship, i just had to come out to Australia for a few months and i didnt want to leave her because i love her
But its probably just me

It doesn't matter if you intended it or not, it's the situation you're in. If you're only talking about a few months, and she loves you, she isn't going to want to be with anyone else, unless she's got other issues. You'll never be happy if you obsess over fidelity so much, no matter who you're with. Just be mindful of her emotional needs, especially while you're gone, and I think you'll have noting to worry about.

[kteire]

That will get easier, really. I trust my SO completely, but when we first were LD, I had a nagging voice in the back of my head saying "what if i'm completely wrong about who he is??" So I worried a bit about the same thing, but I've had big trust issues in the past. It's a huuuge adjustment going from CD to LD, so just keep telling yourself that she loves you and wouldn't want to hurt you. That worked for me, and I don't worry in the slightest now.

[Micah]

I used to have trust issues, but then I started thinking in the way that you should trust someone until they give you a reason NOT to trust them. Instead of someone earning your trust, they should already have your trust until they give you a reason not to trust them anymore. That's been really helpful to me because it makes me less paranoid. It is easy to get paranoid in a LDR because you aren't there, but creating scenarios in your mind and worrying constantly about your SO cheating will drive you crazy. So, my advice would be to put trust and faith in your girlfriend. It's easier said than done, but your love for your girlfriend should hopefully see you through.