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**Rach321** · March 30, 2010, 11:11 PM

Sorry... I'm not really sure of what exactly for you to do. Do they know you talk to him (even as friends?) That is definitely where I would start. Try working him into your discussions and always speak positively about him. Hopefully other members who have experienced similar situations will have better advice for you!

**Lumos** · March 31, 2010, 12:34 AM

My boyfriend and I were dating for about 4.5 months before I was able to meet him in person, and we've been friends for over two years now. During this time, I never mentioned to my parents that we were dating. In fact, I still haven't. I'm in college and in my twenties, so I'm a bit less restricted than you, but I still wanted to meet my boyfriend with parents' approval, which is very important to me.

Although my parents didn't (and don't) know that we were dating, they definitely knew of my boyfriend's existence. I bring him up in conversation every now and then, and they know I text/talk to him a lot. Plus he's sent me things in the mail.

Finally, I told my mom that I wanted to meet him in person. We selected a public place for the meeting to occur (Disneyland

) to be on the safe side, and also it had lots of stuff to do, so it would be less awkward if we couldn't find anything to talk about. I flew to California to meet him, and my mom came with me :] I didn't tell her we were anything but friends, and I told my boyfriend in advance that I wanted to act like we were just friends during this first meeting. Now that my mom has met him and has seen for herself that he's not a 50 year old man in real life, it would be much easier to tell her that we're dating. Also, my parents won't be worried about my safety when I meet him again.

I think if I was you, I would tell my mom that my online friend that was planning on studying abroad in the UK was coming to get a feel for the country/check out schools and needed a tour guide. I'd ask her if she would come with me to meet him. Like you said, you know that she will like him once she meets him, so she after she can see for herself that he's okay, she won't be worried about him anymore. This would work best if you've mentioned him before in conversation, and didn't just bring him up out of the blue. I'm not sure if this is the best solution, but it worked out for me ^^

My only advice: Make sure you mention your boyfriend (even if you don't say he's your boyfriend) to your parents every now and then, so they get used to the idea of you having a friend in Canada. For example, my mom really likes cats, so I've shared pictures of my boyfriends cats with her :P

**agentholli** · March 31, 2010, 12:46 AM

It sounds like to me that Lumos has a great idea. I don't have any other advice for you, I am not in this kind of position. I hope you can figure it out soon!

**Bluestars** · March 31, 2010, 01:08 AM

I met my boyfriend online and did not meet him until two months later. Right when we started talking, my mom knew something was up because I was texting someone all of the time. She asked who, and I told her someone I met online who lives in Louisiana--which is 800 miles away from me. I brought him up during conversation, and she knew that I talked on the phone to him.

After a while my sister started calling him my boyfriend and I would yell at her, since we actually weren't yet. My mom then said that of course he wasn't my boyfriend because you can't date someone who lives in a different state. For good bit, this was the attitude that she had.

Anyway, we started dating right after we met in person, but my mom didn't find out until two weeks later. I told her that we were going to meet up in Atlanta to go on a date, but she refused. We got in a huge fight because she wanted me to bring a friend with me, but I said no because none of my friends were able to go. Eventually, we came to an agreement that he would come to my hometown and have dinner with us before we could go off together.

I say this because my mom didn't believe people could fall in love online either. However, she came around after a while, she just had to get to know him first.

I agree with the previous advice. Mention him as your friend to your mom so that she can gradually get used to you talking to someone online. Bring him up in conversation, and maybe you could show her a picture of him--like his facebook or something.

**xsomanymilesx** · March 31, 2010, 07:35 AM

thankyouuu everyone that is really good advice, i think im just nervous of what her reaction will be, if shes going to be mad or whatever, cos the last thing i want is conflict between anyone because this is hard enough as it is without all that. i think its a good idea to try and bring him up, eeep im just so scared i guess. but i'm not a little girl anymore and i want to be with him so...

thanks

**NerdyH** · March 31, 2010, 09:17 AM

I didn't tell my parents. No way, I was so scared of what they might say and I feared that they wouldn't let me meet him if I did tell them. So, I took the risk and met my guy in secret. It was one of the most awkward and hardest things to do, first to sneak out at 8 AM and then bringing him home and explain to my parents exactly who he was and what he was doing here at 9 AM on a Saturday morning.

And they were disappointed in me, too! I felt bad about it some for some time afterwards.. My mum said that I should have told her, and she could have gone with me, even though my dad said he wouldn't have let me. It's different from everyone as to how your parents would react, I guess.

But you know, I wouldn't advice doing what I did. It felt so risky and I was so scared. Like the others have said, just bring him up from time to time. Sometime, though, you will have to tell your mum, and no one knows how it'll go. Just gather all your courage and tell her, remember that you're doing it for love! I promise, it feels soooo much better to have your parents know about this sort of stuff.

Stay strong! I'm sure everything will go fine when you do tell her. Just don't rush it!

**xsomanymilesx** · March 31, 2010, 09:39 AM

thankyou so much

**folclor** · March 31, 2010, 10:09 AM

I haven't read the above comments and my brain is not at its highest working capacity yet this morning, but here is my advice. Tell your parents you have a friend online. If they ask if you have feelings for each other don't deny it but don't admit to being officially together, either. Say that he is trying to come to the UK to study and he wants to visit first to get a feel for it and he also wants to meet some friends so he won't be quite so alone when he makes his trip. Your parents will likely oblige that and then, when he comes, simply say that your feelings sparked and he asked you out. ^^; That's the route I'm taking with Alex. My parents know he's my friend but they don't know we're 'together'. They'll find out this summer, though. ^^ Good luck to you, I wish you the best.

**xsomanymilesx** · March 31, 2010, 10:12 AM

you have all given such good advice thanks very much i will be taking it on board, its so nice to get advice from people who have been in my position x

**Mio** · March 31, 2010, 08:53 PM

I guess you can try to talk about him little by little, sometimes when it's little by little is easier to accept. Hope it works out!

**Alisz** · April 2, 2010, 04:25 AM

I know exactly what you mean. I've been struggling for awhile to tell my mom, so I'm not sure what advice I could give you. My family is the same way in that they don't believe you can meet someone online and even become good friends, let alone fall in love with them. I'm in my 20s, so I'm not too worried about them taking my main source of communication away. But I worry that they will try to discourage me from it like getting me away from the computer and not be supportive by telling me I should meet someone closer.

On the other hand, my boyfriend's family knows and they're super supportive of us.

He was worried about telling them at first because he'd never been in a LDR before. Except, 2 of his best friends live a few hours from me and his family is familiar with them. So, finding out about me wasn't too big of a shock. This is basically how they found out. His computer is in a semi-common space in the house. His mom knew he was talking to someone and pretty much one night at dinner asked him about it. He told her about me and where I lived and mentioned that we were dating. She was happy that he was happy. Since then I've been on webcam a few times and she's seen me. I wave to her and I hear her comments to my boyfriend about how cute I am lol I haven't spoken with her one-on-one yet, but eventually. Right now we pretty much talk through my boyfriend and he relays the information to us.

So, I guess if your family is like mine and they're not really the inquiring type, it's a bit difficult to break the news. I've failed at trying to mention my boyfriend as just a friend in conversation because it sounds odd for me to say to my mom. Probably because I don't normally refer to my friends specifically and just say "My friend went to so-and-so." I'm not that open about my personal life with them and they're not nosy enough to ask. Even if I was dating someone in the area, the situation would be the same. It'd be more likely they'd find out by him just hanging out here all the time than having me actually tell them. ^^;;

Our plan is pretty much just going to wait until we have a set date for him to visit and have a proper introduction. I'll probably mention a few weeks before that I want to invite someone over for dinner for them to meet. They'll get the picture and I'll explain to them about our LDR. Hopefully they'll be more at ease with the idea because soon they can see what a wonderful guy he is and speak with him themselves. I feel like they'll be more comfortable with this because they have a hard time seeing a name on a screen without a real live face to interact with. :/ They don't get webcam and all that either... They like tangible things they can see with their own eyes.

**polkapiggy** · April 2, 2010, 10:46 AM

oh my gosh, im in almost exactly the same position! my boyfriend lives in NY, USA and I live just outside London, UK. His parents found out about us dating a couple months into the relationship due to a MASSIVE phone bill (oops! my bad) and they didn't like the idea at first and really weren't happy about it, they even threatened to send him to his grandmas (who has no internet) and they had some pretty big fights about it, but nowadays they are pretty happy about it and they even ask about me sometimes.

My parents, on the other hand, have no idea that I'm in an LDR. They know that Alex exists and I talk to him, and I've bought him up in conversation a few times, but apart from that they seem pretty much clueless. I know for a fact that my mother is totally against the idea, my sister knows a bit but not the full picture and I'm not planning on telling her due to the fact she thinks interracial couples are "creepy" and I think although my dad would come to accept it, he is very aware of the dangers of the internet, and he has done a lot of work to combat pedophiles before and has seen and heard many, many stories about pedo's so i know he wouldn't be too keen about it.

I have a plan though! Basically, Alex is going to be coming here for his gap year in 2012, but he's hoping to visit before then. Whenever he does come over, we're going to tell my parents we are just friends, and then "fall in love" during the trip =) And if all else fails, my parents have already agreed to my taking my gap year in the USA, providing I work while I'm there.

**xsomanymilesx** · April 4, 2010, 06:03 PM

thankyouuuuuuuuu

x

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i need your help guys! telling the parents about your SO...

i need your help guys! telling the parents about your SO...

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