QUESTION FOR THE GUYS.....

[Leigh]

My SO is a great listener, except it is hard to get him to say anything.
Can any of the guys tell me why some men are this way?

[Darth_Taco]

Depends what you're talking about. For example, neither my boyfriend or I know when the hell to shut up. We both talk too much :P. If you're talking about opening up regarding feelings, experiences and whatnot, we're taught from a young age to just suck it up. Women, on the other hand, are taught to open up and talk about feelings and stuff.

[Darth_Taco]

It's more a bit of both nature and nurture. It's been proven male and female brains are build differently (oddly enough, the brains of transgendred people show proof of being build more similarly to their chosen gender :P), but a big part of this is also how you raise a child. If you raise your son to open up more and discuss his feelings, he'll be more likely to discuss his feelings in adulthood.

What I'm guessing if that you want your boyfriend to open up more to you. You're gonna have to give him time and let him do this on his own. Encourage him, but don't nag him or force him or he'll never open up. This needs positive reinforcement and patience.

[Tabitha]

It's not just guys. My SO is the one who always has something to say in our relationship. I can listen forever, but sometimes I just don't have anything to add.

[FadedSunrise]

My SO is like this too. True to astrology, I get especially typical Leo around him, hamming up the attention and never being able to shut up. He just listens and listens to me, fixes my problem, and is amused by my stories. Often times I'll notice and feel bad about not being able to shut my mouth, but he tells me to keep going because he finds me amusing to listen to and watch.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I'm female, but I think guys brains are hard-wired differently than girls as well as the way they are raised. Guys are always told to "be a man" from a young age and be strong. Because of these stereotypes, they believe very young that it's not okay to talk about how they're feeling and that they are weak if they do. If someone grows up feeling they can't trust their parents or guardians to tell them things, they may not be as willing to open up to their SO. My boyfriend is a talker about everything....except his feelings and things that bother him. If he's having a bad day, and I KNOW he's having a bad day too, he will brush it off and say "I'm fine" and then change the subject. His dad left when he was 5 years old, and he never really got along with his mom or sisters, so he had nobody to turn to at home when something was wrong. He'd keep it to himself and bottle it up inside. It's not a good situation. I always let him know that I'm there for him and that he can talk to me about everything, so as long as he knows I'm there and am willing to listen to him, maybe one day he'll feel more inclined to open up to me.

[Leigh]

Thanks to you all for your posts. I can relate a whole lot better now.

[Summer]

I've asked my BF this. He says he just doesn't know what to say. "Small talk" seems too trivial to him. He does better when I have specific things to ask him - if I just say something like, "How was your day?" he usually non-answers like, "Fine!" If I ask something more specific, like, "What did you do today?" then it opens it up for easier conversation. He's getting better, VERY slowly :-p - it helped when I explained to him that to me, talking isn't just "exchanging information" but rather a way to keep reinforcing our connection to each other when we're far away. So it doesn't matter so much what we say, just that there's some give and take with each of us sharing and listening/paying attention to each other. He said he'd never thought about it like that before and has been trying harder to hold up at least a little bit of the conversation when we chat.

Also, to work within his own limits, we usually have short conversations - maybe 15 minutes. Gotta set him up for success, so he stands a chance at doing a good job with the conversation and I don't get annoyed at him! :-p

[ClipitsWings]

My SO is like this too. True to astrology, I get especially typical Leo around him, hamming up the attention and never being able to shut up. He just listens and listens to me, fixes my problem, and is amused by my stories. Often times I'll notice and feel bad about not being able to shut my mouth, but he tells me to keep going because he finds me amusing to listen to and watch.

I have the exact same thing going on XD

But yeah, i'm just gonna go with everyone else here. for the most part, parents and other people treat males like they should be silently strong, show no weakness, etc. you get lucky sometimes though