Should I stick with my high school sweetheart?

[Giuliana]

I'm going off to Occidental College in Los Angeles, CA and he, Lewis and Clark in Portland, OR. So I pose the eternal question; should we try out the long distance relationship? I think it's important that we experience other relationships because we are each other's firsts, but I also don't want to lose such a perfect guy, nor do I think we should give up just because we've hit a bump in the road. And so I ask:
-long distance relationship?
-open relationship?
-take a break?
-break up?
-or something else?

Any and every bit of advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

[Moon]

Well, you're asking this on a forum full of people in long distance relationships, so how do you think we'll answer? Also, it's impossible to actually answer this for you, since nobody knows you, your SO, or your relationship details, only you do. This is something you need to discuss with him, and see how he feels about it, and decide together.

[iamangel]

I agree on Moon You're the one who really can answer that question. Think about it many times and be responsible whatever decision you will make. Good luck

[lucybelle]

My SO and I started off as an open relationship, and we stayed that way for about 1.5 years before becoming exclusive. But, I think you have to be extremely mature to accept that type of decision. I knew he loved me, so it didn't bother me to know he was with other girls (though we NEVER talked about who we were with or when). LDRs are not easy, and open relationships are not for everyone. Good luck on your decision!

[Theodosia_Amabel]

Long distance relationship, definitely. It's very difficult at first and you'll both need support from friends and eachother, but as long as you love eachother you'll work out. I ask my SO all the time, do you think about dating someone else? He responds "no, I don't want to risk losing the angel that I have right in front of me." If you both feel that way, I'd encourage you to try the long distance relationship.

[beaton]

It's difficult, but possible. It depends largely on the emotional maturity of both people. You're both going to grow and change in college. Your relationship depends on whether you both can accept those changes in each other, or if you simply become incompatible. I can't answer yes or no, because it depends largely on you and on him.

[Tanja]

Only you and your SO can choose form those options. Have a serious talk and see how you both feel. But just so you know, going to different schools doesn't automatically mean you have to break up or have an open relationship - LDR's can and WILL work if both parties involved want it to work and commit to it. It's all about how strong your feelings toward each other and your relationship is and whether it can survive the distance or not. Not everyone is cut out for it but it's always worth a go in my opinion if you really love the other person.

Good luck with whatever you decide and remember if you do start a LDR you'll find plenty of help, support and advice from here!

[theyellowdart]

I agree with most of the things that have been said already.. no one can really tell you what you should do in this situation because no one knows your situation better than you and him.. so the best idea is for the two of you to sit down together and discuss it..

However with that being said, I disagree that you should break up simply because you guys are going to be going to different schools and you think you should experience what it is like to date other people.. while I do agree that is an important part of life, I think that if you true care for someone you shouldn't breakup for the sake of breaking up. So ultimately, you'll have to do a little thinking and determine what exactly him, and this relationship, mean to you.

Now, long distrance relationships totally have my vote but like said before, you're asking on a site full of people in these situations.. so, that's to be expected I like to think they all have happy endings, at least, I sure hope mine does!

[Giuliana]

I'm not looking so much for a quick fix answer to our problem, more so just seeing the pros and cons to the options listed above. Things we haven't considered or thought about. Advice that us youngsters haven't come across just yet. So speak your thoughts. I may or may not take heed, depending on our situtation. And of course I will sit down (after he gets back from Italy) and talk this over with him. I'm not that thick.

[Mara]

Well, my opinion is this on all of the above;

I'm not really pro long distance relationships even though I'm in one. It's expensive and emotionally exhausting. With that said, if you can see a long term future with the person and you don't see any reason why you should break up besides the distance, I'd, at least, give things a try. But it certainly isn't easy and it isn't like a close distance relationship [obviously].

Open relationships take a great deal of maturity, commitment, and trust. I'm not in the least bit so certain of myself to enter into something like that so I never would, but people have and have survived so it is possible. There would have to be rules though to this sort of thing and it is always a risk that one of you will find someone better suited while in this open relationship or that you will enter into it, not want to do it anymore, and your partner not agree. There's also the fact of how open is open. Is open sleeping with other people, dating other people, kissing other people, etc?

Breaks are not something I do. I don't think they do any good really. Taking a break rarely seems to clear anything up for anyone if anything it seems to make things more confusing. If you need time to sort things out on your own that's fine, but labeling something a 'break' seems sort of counterproductive.

As for breaking up, I can't really say. I did break up with one boyfriend when he moved away because we were young and I just didn't want to be in a long distance relationship. I wanted to be young and focus on school and myself. Not worry about how to pay for visits, etc etc. This is your first relationship and I agree it is really important to experience other people because when someone is your first it's really hard to know what you want. Just my two cents.

[Engel]

if you feel you should experience other people, sorry to break the news, but you are just not that into him. you want to have the cake and eat it, because he is such a nice guy, you dont want to let him go...
so i guess open relationship it would be in this case...
but i think is he was the right guy, first or not, you would want to be just his and want him to be just yours, if you dont feel like this, maybe it was just not meant to be. so why dont break up now and keep a good friendship?

[Giuliana]

Oops. I should define what I mean by "break."
I don't mean taking a break to "figure things out." I mean a break as in we break up when we leave for school, try out a year or a few months as singles, and when we meet back up during the summer or on a holiday in our home town, see if we're still interested. I hope that makes things a little more clear.

[Sora1101]

Here's my view on this situation as someone else in high school.

I think it is important to experience dating other people, you need this experience to learn and grow as a person. I know you want to remain with your first love but people change immensely once they graduate high school, and you'll never know if you can change in a way that keeps your love continuous.

With that being said if you truly love your bf then I say at least try and make it work, if you both feel that you are drifting apart after awhile then you can take a break or break up or whatever, I see no reason why the distance should be the factor for the break up. A long distance relationship does require alot of time and commitment though, and if you don't balance everything carefully either your schooling or your relationship may suffer, if you want to focus on your goals then I think you'll need to discuss certain things with your bf such as time to spending on skype, phone calls, texting, emails, ect. each of which are very important aspects of making a long distance relationship work.

All in all it's your choice what you do and I highly reccomend that you think about what you want out of your relationship and where you want it to take you.

[kraut]

My first piece of advice is don't worry about being each others firsts. Though there are positive things to be said about experiencing other relationships there are bad things too. Generally I don't think one or the other is 'better.' As far as that is concerned just let things happen the way they will happen.

Though it is important to do what is best for both of you. Long distance relationships are difficult, especially when you have been in a close distance relationship. Also remember if you choose to go long distance (and exclusive) talk about what both of your expectations are for the long distance relationship and beyond it. Be cautious, remind yourself (and perhaps your partner discreetly) that embarking on this journey together does not 'seal the deal' (mean that there is any guarantee of where the relationship is headed). You and he both will change a lot in college; it is quite possible that your may grow apart.

[Bobbiejeanne]

I'm actually in a very similar situation right now! I'm leaving my boyfriend in CA while I go to college in FL.
I would talk about it to him! I asked my boyfriend what he wanted to do, and we discussed the pros and cons for a little bit, until we landed on staying together. It's going to take a lot of work, and we know that, and your SO should know that too.

Not to criticize any open LDRs here, but it's kinda my opinion that an open LDR is like having a safety net SO waiting for you at home while you go out and have fun. Now, that's just my opinion. I'm sure if you tried you could work it out, but to restate what everyone else said, it takes trust and maturity.
Taking a break or just ending it both really lie in your heart. Do you love your SO? Can you imagine life without them? Can you imagine yourself with other people?
And discuss this with them too, their thoughts might be different than yours.

College is a big deal (I would know!) and I totally understand where you are coming from. Don't cement anything down, be willing to be flexible with the whole thing.
Good Luck