Sigh, I don't know what to do...

[Hannahbaby16]

Okay, so i've never told anyone on here about my SO's disease before...

He has Myasthenia Gravis (MG)
Wasdiagnosed in the 6th grade and it was so bad that he was basically on his death bed. They finally decided enough was enough and they performed surgery on his thymus gland. At this point it was the only thing that could really save him. (I'm not sure if it had a tumor or anything but it still needed to be removed).

He is now almost 16 so the doctor requires check-ups from time to time to see how he is doing.
Today he went for a normal check-up and his doctor told him that his MG may be hereditary.

He's crushed. We both are.
Were young but, we always talk about having kids.
He's scared and upset, he keeps telling me he's sorry.

I don't know what to say. I've said just about everything to try and make him feel better.
All he replys back is "No kids" and "I wanted to start a family with you but, i can't risk that :\"

I told him were young and not to worry about it until the time comes as we are still young.

He told me he is going to get "cut" as soon as he is old enough.
I hope he doesn't think i'm going to dump him because of this because i most certainly am not!

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks guys.

[Caitlin2009]

well theres always other ways to have a family, you can still do it if you all are still together and want a family. Adoption and someone who is a surrogate would be a good idea for you both

[Kyla]

I can kind of relate to this, but from his side, as I have a disease that is largely genetic. All I can really suggest is that you reassure him this isn't a deal breaker for you and that you try and support him. Remind him that you're both young, and that this isn't something to lose sleep over or stress about now. There are alternative ways to have children that you guys can always look at in the future.

[MrsExPrez]

I had to deal with something sort of similar to this with my boyfriend. They are going to have lots of up's and down's. He will probably feel okay about it one day, and severely upset the next. You just have to be understanding and thoughtful during it, which it sounds like you certainly are. This is probably a good time to remind him how much you love him and care for him.

[Engel]

It wouldnt be a deal breaker for me either, if he didnt want to have kids, i would use a sperm bank, but still be with him. and choose a donnor that looked like my so, so people wouldnt be giving weird looks when they saw the family together.

i really want to be a mother someday, and thats really important for me

[lucybelle]

Well I feel like there's a lot of things going on right now. 1- you guys are too young to be planning a family. He's probably just upset because he thinks he can never have one. But that's not true. And there's no use in being depressed over something he can't change, and isn't even currently a problem. 2- Doctor said it MIGHT be hereditary, which means it might not be. Also, even if it is hereditary there might be a chance he won't pass it down. Both of you would have to get genetic counseling to see what the risks are of passing it down. I also "might" be a carrier of a syndrome that is pretty bad in males. But I'm not looking to start a family any time soon. When I decide to make that happen, the father and I would get a counselor to see the likelihood of it being passed to offspring. (sorry this is so cold, I'm a biologist) Finally 3- Adoption, in-vitro fertilization and all sorts of other options are out there. People feel so attached to "having" a kid instead of just getting one. But ever had a dog for 10 years? That dog damn near becomes your sibling and you're not even the same species. It's okay to adopt, save a life, and love your child.

[Tanja]

I just googled this. What I found was that even though it is a difficult condition that affects your life it can be treated with an operation (apparently what has been done to your SO). Also I noticed what you said:

Today he went for a normal check-up and his doctor told him that his MG may be hereditary.

SO it MIGHT be hereditary? But it's not 100% sure? How likely is it for your child to get it if you did get pregnant?

I don't think you guys should get overly depressed about this just yet. You're both young so by the time you'd be starting a family there might be new ways to treat this decease.
And if he really thinks he doesn't want to take the chance (although it's not something he can decide alone or right now) there are alternative ways to have children.
This does NOT mean that you have to give up your dreams of having kids by any means.

I think right now he is just in a shock. Don't push him now or it'll make it worse, make it clear to him that you will not leave him, that you will stand by him no matter what. He needs time to process the news and in the meanwhile you can find out as much as you can about this decease and how to deal with it. Just stay strong and try to stay positive despite all this. You never know, things might change for the better

[Hannahbaby16]

well theres always other ways to have a family, you can still do it if you all are still together and want a family. Adoption and someone who is a surrogate would be a good idea for you both

True. It's just we always talk about MAKING a lil' Hannah or Kenny. lol

---------- Post added at 01:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:29 PM ----------

I can kind of relate to this, but from his side, as I have a disease that is largely genetic. All I can really suggest is that you reassure him this isn't a deal breaker for you and that you try and support him. Remind him that you're both young, and that this isn't something to lose sleep over or stress about now. There are alternative ways to have children that you guys can always look at in the future.

Yeah, I know. He was so upset though. I guess it just came on as a big shock to him.
Kind of ironic too because the day before his check-up, we spent a whole 2 hours talking about making babies.

---------- Post added at 01:31 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:30 PM ----------

I had to deal with something sort of similar to this with my boyfriend. They are going to have lots of up's and down's. He will probably feel okay about it one day, and severely upset the next. You just have to be understanding and thoughtful during it, which it sounds like you certainly are. This is probably a good time to remind him how much you love him and care for him.

Thank you. Exactly what i'm doing.

---------- Post added at 01:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:31 PM ----------

It wouldnt be a deal breaker for me either, if he didnt want to have kids, i would use a sperm bank, but still be with him. and choose a donnor that looked like my so, so people wouldnt be giving weird looks when they saw the family together.

i really want to be a mother someday, and thats really important for me

It is really important for me too. I want to be just like my mom.

But if it comes down to not being able to have our own, i'll keep that idea in mind.

Thank you so much.

---------- Post added at 01:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:32 PM ----------

Well I feel like there's a lot of things going on right now. 1- you guys are too young to be planning a family. He's probably just upset because he thinks he can never have one. But that's not true. And there's no use in being depressed over something he can't change, and isn't even currently a problem. 2- Doctor said it MIGHT be hereditary, which means it might not be. Also, even if it is hereditary there might be a chance he won't pass it down. Both of you would have to get genetic counseling to see what the risks are of passing it down. I also "might" be a carrier of a syndrome that is pretty bad in males. But I'm not looking to start a family any time soon. When I decide to make that happen, the father and I would get a counselor to see the likelihood of it being passed to offspring. (sorry this is so cold, I'm a biologist) Finally 3- Adoption, in-vitro fertilization and all sorts of other options are out there. People feel so attached to "having" a kid instead of just getting one. But ever had a dog for 10 years? That dog damn near becomes your sibling and you're not even the same species. It's okay to adopt, save a life, and love your child.

True! The doctor doesn't even know if he has a family history of MG..he's just assuming.
I hate when doctors do that. -.-

You seem like a great biologist by the way.
Thanks.

---------- Post added at 01:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:34 PM ----------

I just googled this. What I found was that even though it is a difficult condition that affects your life it can be treated with an operation (apparently what has been done to your SO). Also I noticed what you said:



SO it MIGHT be hereditary? But it's not 100% sure? How likely is it for your child to get it if you did get pregnant?

I don't think you guys should get overly depressed about this just yet. You're both young so by the time you'd be starting a family there might be new ways to treat this decease.
And if he really thinks he doesn't want to take the chance (although it's not something he can decide alone or right now) there are alternative ways to have children.
This does NOT mean that you have to give up your dreams of having kids by any means.

I think right now he is just in a shock. Don't push him now or it'll make it worse, make it clear to him that you will not leave him, that you will stand by him no matter what. He needs time to process the news and in the meanwhile you can find out as much as you can about this decease and how to deal with it. Just stay strong and try to stay positive despite all this. You never know, things might change for the better

Yes, it MIGHT be.
I told him "might be" doesn't mean anything. He just doesn't believe me.
But, then again he's never one to look on the bright side. :\

Thanks.