Still Having Problem with Friend

[Sierra]

I have a friend who is just really unsupportive of my LDR. I've decided it's pretty much because of jealousy, I'm with a wonderful man and she's not. However, when she gets to talk about things that are good in her relationship, I feel like I should have the same opportunity when things are good in mine.

Recently my boyfriend did something that really touched my heart and when I called her with the good news she started picking apart my relationship. Asking a million questions about the future that I don't know yet and neither does he. I'm just enjoying my relationship and she's acting like we're marrying each other tomorrow.

The way she acts towards me about it makes me really not want to introduce them, but she really wants to meet him. She's basically insisting on meeting him to the point that she's threatening stalking him and I while we're together so she can meet him.

I don't have reservations about introducing him to my friend, but I feel like her feelings and behavior about my relationship are unhealthy and I want to keep them apart. I don't think it's fair that she wants to impose on the very little time together we will have to grill him.

Has anyone experienced anything like this or had a friend like this? I could really use some advice.

[Sierra]

It's one thing to say don't listen to her, but it's another story when she talks about showing up at your house. I'm not really sure how to deal with that nor do I understand her obsession with meeting him.

[StrongTower]

That sux. I am sorry you have to deal with that. I would just talk to your friend. Let them know that you are very happy in your relationship and that you would like if they could join you in that happiness. Its important to have those closest to you be encouraging in something as difficult as a LDR!

That being said, I think sometimes we get upset because people in our lives make valid points. I am not saying break of your LDR (I am in one as well, and we are very happy together)., but maybe some of the questions and points your friend is trying to bring to the table are really things you and your SO should spend some time talking about. Maybe they are vital issues that your friend feels you are neglecting in the joy of the moment. If they are asking about moving together, or interactions with the opposite sex, I would take those things into consideration. all that is to say that while I know how annoying it can be when people just criticize, I woudl also be careful to see if I was getting mad because if was simply negativity, or if it was because mt friend was actually making vital points...

[Sierra]

That sux. I am sorry you have to deal with that. I would just talk to your friend. Let them know that you are very happy in your relationship and that you would like if they could join you in that happiness. Its important to have those closest to you be encouraging in something as difficult as a LDR!

That being said, I think sometimes we get upset because people in our lives make valid points. I am not saying break of your LDR (I am in one as well, and we are very happy together)., but maybe some of the questions and points your friend is trying to bring to the table are really things you and your SO should spend some time talking about. Maybe they are vital issues that your friend feels you are neglecting in the joy of the moment. If they are asking about moving together, or interactions with the opposite sex, I would take those things into consideration. all that is to say that while I know how annoying it can be when people just criticize, I woudl also be careful to see if I was getting mad because if was simply negativity, or if it was because mt friend was actually making vital points...

Please believe me when I say she's not making valid points. She looks for any tiny piece of something and rips it apart. She instantly expects me to have an answer. She acts like after we've been together for 5 months we should be living together when we're still getting to know each other.

Her and I have EXTREMELY different views on relationships.

The other day she said that she doesn't like when a friend starts seeing someone and it takes away from her time with that person, and unfortunately that's what my relationship is doing. I can't help it that during the one weekend we get to spend together every two months I just want to be with him. That's the only time we get to know each other in person. She thinks that I don't know him well enough, but this is someone I've been talking to for almost three years, just because I don't have an answer to EVERY question doesn't mean he's lying about everything - it means we still have things to explore with each other.

Really I think she's just trying to find an excuse for he and I to not be together, she was extremely supportive of an unhealthy relationship I was in but not at all supportive of an extremely healthy one. Imagine that.

[kteire]

I'm guessing she's jealous about the fact that your SO is taking you away from her, and she can't believe in the relationship if she can't meet him and approve. Some people are like that. My best friend was constantly questioning my relationship and worrying that my SO would cheat on me before she actually met him and realised he's an incredible guy who's mad about me. It almost destroyed our relationship, honestly. We worked through it, she's been my best friend for nearly a decade. She's still a bit weird about me having such a strong relationship with someone who's so far away, but I've made it very clear that I love my SO, and would rather not hear her negative opinions on my relationship.
Being LD is hard enough as it is, without people trying to make you question it and bring you down!! Is she someone you're particularly close with otherwise? Maybe find supportive people to talk to about your relationship, and limit the amount of time you spend with her. And I'd say to let her know that it's not your LDR that's putting a wedge between the two of you, it's her inability to support you and give you space. If she's been eager to support an unhealthy relationship, I really wonder if she's got your best interests in mind. I don't know if it's really worth having someone like that around.
If she is someone you really care about and with whom you want to maintain a good relationship, you could always have a brief meet up with her when your SO is visiting. I know it sucks not getting to spend time only with your SO, but if the friendship is worth it to you, at least she can get a chance to see what you see in your SO. Do something with a very limited time span, like going out for dessert, so that you don't have to spend a huge amount of time doing something that you don't want to.

But really, I'm sorry to hear you're having problems with a friend. It's not a good feeling knowing that someone is angry about who you love!!