My boyfriend and emotions

[Snap]

I've been dating a guy for almost 8 months now. Things have been going really well, but there has been one thing that has been bothering me more and more as the relationship progresses. He never displays or talks of any of his emotions. I'm not expecting him to have girl-to-girl Oprah style conversation of how he's feeling. But I've never seen him angry, sad, disappointed, scared, frustrated, etc. He's always ALWAYS his happy-go-lucky yet cynical self. There were only a couple of times when he expressed concern about how much he was contributing to this relationship. Otherwise he's his same old self all the time.

My main concern about all this is that I don't know where I stand with him. Yes, I have some really big insecurities and I feel like with his one constant emotion that he must be hiding something from me. I've been told by a therapist that I just need to trust him and that he will tell me if something is wrong because he's very dependable, loyal, and sticks to his word all the time. He has openly acknowledged that he keeps his feelings to himself but has assured me that if he has a problem with me or the relationship he will tell me, but I just have problems trusting this.

Opinions? Should I press him to open up more or just leave him be?

[chevan14]

I agree with your therapist. You just have to trust him. My SO is somewhat the same, but he does show emotion...just all at once when things start to pile up. I have just learned that is his way of dealing with things and i help him with it. Everyone has their own way of showing emotion and how they deal with it. He has said that he will let you know of anything is going on with him. So all you can really do is let him know that you are there for him and just assure him that he can tell you anything. Its ok to be a little worried about it. But it sounds like you guys trust eachother alot. 8 months is a long time for a relationship. So id say you guys are just doing fine, i wouldnt worry about it. Thats just how he is. The only thing you could do is sit down with him and just let him know how you feel. Tell him that you wish he was a bit more open with you about things. Iv had this talk with my SO a few times. And to be honest, he hasnt really changed. That is just how he is, when he wants to tell me something or talk, he will on his OWN time. I just have to respect that and know that is how he is. Just let him know how you feel, he might change, he might not. Just trust him. Hope this helped a bit

~V

[Kerry]

Some guys just keep everything inside- my sister's bf is like this. Has he expressed to you how he feels about you? If so, is this enough for you? I've found that if both people feel the same way about each other things are less stressful. If you're not sure where you stand with him you've GOT to ask him. Now knowing causes all kinds of stress- been there, done that. So ask him. Good luck!

[Snap]

Has he expressed to you how he feels about you?

He has verbally before in the past, but not recently. He does nice things for me and treats me with respect, but he just doesn't say anything about "us."

[Kerry]

Hmmmm... I know that would bother me too. Women need to hear how our SO feel about us and our relationships. Even the most non-emotional man should be able to express how he feels. I still say you should ask him. If he can't say you might have to do some thinking about where you want things to go. My ex-bf never told me how he felt about me. I got a few "I care about you's" but he never returned my feelings. I was with him for a year and we lived in the same state. I would cry all the time and it just became too much and that contributed to our breaking up.

[Leigh]

This is what I meant when I posted that my SO doesn't say anything. Which you posted a reply to me about it. Your post here sounds so familar. He always shows his feelings when we are together. I guess he just prefers to show his feelings instead of expressing them less verbally when we are apart. I have to remind myself that everything is fine. He will say something if something bothers him. I hope it helps to know your not the only one who is having these issues.

[Mara]

I tried having a discussion with my SO about this yesterday to which his response was he always felt that actions spoke louder than words.

Maybe it's a guy thing, but I told him I would feel much better if he just every once in a while reaffirmed things with words. It's different when we are in person because there are other things he does then to make me feel secure and loved, but when you are long distance it isn't exactly the same.

If it is bothering you, I'd at least talk to your SO about it.

[aggie]

Well, from my 3 years long experience - I can tell you - it's a guys thing. I don't know how does your SO react if you discuss it, but mine is just very loyal to some of his rules (which he says 'im just not like that' but in our honeymoon stage he'd be the one to send all the lovey dovey messages) ... So i gave up arguing and talking about it. But, you can try... I also learned that he loves me, and I learned in what ways he expresses it, and now.. instead of awaiting 'i love you' messages, I rather appreciate him staying up til 6 in the morning just to talk to me. And then if im desperate for some verbally shown love - i just ask for it in the simplest way possible (can you just tell me again how much you love me now?) or i say it for him...

And the best part about my lesson is.. that whenever he slips something that shows his feelings - makes me waaay happier than if he was saying that every day.

[uniquefem]

definitely a guy thing... thing that i hate hahaha! because i am very expressive, i will show and say, and do what i feel!

My SO like cold ice mountain-flat-poker face kind of guy. Well at least thats when we online, and thats last for 7 months. I cried, i frustrated, i talk, i argue.. just the same, just the way he is.

But when i visit him, his not. He did say it once that he find it hard to express him self over computer/sms/phone. But in real, when we are face to face, he is a loving and caring person.

There is a lot of way to express feelings. Some could say it-i love you. Some just do things, like being sweet bf, holding your hands, give you a gentle kiss, a small kiss top of your head when you walk in a park, being worry to death when you sick by running to get your medications, angry and yell when you forget to take your medication, cook veggies when you said you hate veggies hehe asking are you hungry every 30 mins, and ask if you're happy... for me thats worth the 7 months ice cold freezing winter heart of him.

Even he ask me again "why you made me crazy like this?" hehehe its because the 7 months "winter" you gave me i said. For him being expressive with crazy things is not normal, normal is stay put, a nice smile and stand still picture is normal... for me?? sticking out tongue, doing goofy face... thats what he said---crazy.

Its frustrating i know, just simple i love you or i miss you, or hey think about you sms or phone... but.. well you know it how he felt when you see it through his eyes when he say it, or like the example i gave.. its love

Just hang in there.. if he there for you, and still care.. its just love (love came in many different shape.. not just words)

[kteire]

Haha, SUCH a guy thing!!

My SO is the same. He'll say "I love you too" back to me, but very rarely says it first. If he's had something bad happen in his family (which he's had very often), he usually just acts like everything's ok, and likes to deal with it on his own. When we first started dating I had no idea where we stood for the longest time, and he'd get pretty uncomfortable if I brought it up at all. It's all been a weird adjustment for me. I like to be open about how I feel about people and situations. I was brought up always expressing my love for my family and friends regularly...

But he definitely thinks actions mean more than words. He has this adorable way of looking at me and smiling this cute little smile... and I know exactly how he feels when he looks at me that way! He's gotten more comfortable talking about feelings, and I've even seen him cry twice now (both were times when I was leaving).

My advice to you: Just leave him be! Haha. He probably doesn't even realise/understand that you're worried about it as much as you are, and I'm betting he'd feel bad if he knew it was such a source of frustration for you. He might change a bit over time, he might not, but have faith in the fact that if he didn't care for you, he wouldn't be putting effort into a LDR!! It can be frustrating, and I know that from time to time when I'm away from Loic, I'll have a bit of a meltdown and feel the need to ask him just to reassure me that we're still ok. I hope I can get over that, lol.

[Snap]

Thanks all! I guess I'm being super sensitive since we're at the beginning of our LDR and I'm still trying to adjust to it. For the most part, his actions and behaviors haven't changed much so logically I don't know why I've been so worried. But I'm glad to read that you all have SOs that are similar in nature.