Relationship epiphanies?

[halliekins]

So for as great as everything has been going for my SO and I, we have like any couple, had some pretty crummy days (more so recently, as the visit hangs a few months ahead of us ) where we can't seem to do much else but fight. Even though the end result so far has been that after talking out the issues, we've felt a much stronger bond, while in the middle of fighting (for me anyway) there's some nagging thoughts that come to mind. I begin to think "Is this really worth it? Can we really make it, despite the distance? Will I be strong enough to make it until our first visit?" I get doubtful and very weak in the moments, but I'm happy to say that I feel so optimistic at present.

Since we've started dating, my SO has not had a camera or microphone for the computer, so all we've been able to do is talk via instant messaging. Of course, we still have the Skype video call, even though only I can be seen, haha. He'd shown me two 10 month old pictures of himself.. I guess I never realized how much it meant to have face time with my SO and I'm not saying that lack of this is the sole reason I get so doubtful, but I feel it does play a part. See, yesterday for the first time I was able to hear his voice and see him (my bro let me borrow his xbox and we did chat through that)!!! It was truly a mind-blowing experience. I dunno about others, but it really made me feel sure that "Yeah, he's worth it and I wanna stick it out with him." We're planning on me visiting in October, which is still a few months away and the feelings I have for him our so strong that I've been feeling like I won't make it until our first visit even! Maybe it sounds silly, but being able to hear and see him yesterday was just this big eye opening experience for me, I guess. He became more of a real person, much much more than text on a screen. And just being able to see his little world and observe some of his quirks just put me on another level entirely. It made me feel like he was right here I'm not sure where I'm going exactly with this forum post, but I wonder if anyone else has had similar "epiphanies," when it all becomes worth it and you know that you want to keep pushing and make it work. Please share!

[Mara]

When we first became long distance my SO and I went through this really difficult period where we were fighting a lot mostly because of the distance. I remember this one particularly bad fight happened right before a visit and I had made up my mind to break up with him when I visited him because I just didn't want to fight anymore or be long distance. I remember seeing him and feeling very, very foolish because when I saw him I just knew that he was the man for me and I couldn't fathom leaving him despite whatever we had gone through. I think when you are long distance and don't get to see someone often, the fights always seem much worse because it isn't like you can just go there and make up with them.

[Lina]

In the beginning of our relationship I was very unsure about the whole LDR thing. I didn't hold much hope for it, especially since everyone said things like "LDRs don't work." or "LDRs aren't real relationships." and so on. I tried to cut the connection for a while and even told him once that we should end things between us before any of us will get to regret his/her choice. He talked with me about everything that bothered me over and over again, trying to prove that things can work as long as we have hope and trust. And one day, it was around Easter, he sent me a webcam recorded video. He sang to me "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias. He's not a great singer, haha, but the whole thing melted my heart and I knew then he's worth it.

[Hollis]

If my SO had only shown me old pictures and we only communicated through IMs I would definitely be concerned, hahaha.
That's so sweet, Lina! I wouldn't be able to say no to that either.

I can't think of one particular instance. We've never had huge issues.
Every time he sends me things in the mail, letters or packages, I can't stop smiling. He puts so much thought into what he sends me, it's amazing.

Yesterday I was slightly annoyed at him and at that moment he called me and we talked for half an hour just basically laughing and talking about seeing each other in 2 weeks. And... everything was good.

[GatoGirl]

When we first became long distance my SO and I went through this really difficult period where we were fighting a lot mostly because of the distance. I remember this one particularly bad fight happened right before a visit and I had made up my mind to break up with him when I visited him because I just didn't want to fight anymore or be long distance. I remember seeing him and feeling very, very foolish because when I saw him I just knew that he was the man for me and I couldn't fathom leaving him despite whatever we had gone through. I think when you are long distance and don't get to see someone often, the fights always seem much worse because it isn't like you can just go there and make up with them.

I so agree! A big epiphany for us was when we decided that we would no longer fight over the telephone (we communicate only by phone). That was back in the day that long distance calling, even in the same state, was still expensive. Not only was it not effective to fight over the phone, it was costing us too much in both $$ and heartburn. Once we decided that and started scheduling time to discuss disagreements, things really turned around for us. We've been doing this LDR stuff for a long time now!

[Minerva]

I have a background that makes me mistrustful and insecure. I'm not a jealous type, but I am the type to believe that I'm not good enough for anyone worthwhile to stick with. As my friend, my SO would tell me all the time how much he loved me, what he saw in me, constantly pointing out all the things he thought made me special, and I couldn't hear it.

Gradually I started to get better with it, but still, it was hard to accept that he actually liked me and wanted to be friends with me.

Then I visited him two weeks ago, and everything changed. Somehow just being with him in person put all my fears to rest and I finally got what I meant to him. We went from friends to more that weekend, and I went from insecure to feeling loved and wanted.

I've always trusted him, and I've loved him for years now, but this is the first time I feel comfortable and at peace with us, and it's a wonderful, freeing feeling.