Manipulation? :(

[Rosebud]

Okay, so this is somewhat difficult to explain but hopefully you all can understand what it is to say.

Now, first off, I love the act of getting and receiving gifts. Creating packages for my boyfriend for holidays or his birthday and getting everything just right and making sure its presented all pretty for him to open makes me extremely happy, especially when he tells me he likes something in particular.

I know gifts for some couples aren't that important and it makes me feel very spoiled when I realize that they are important to me.

My boyfriend and I have only physically visited each other a couple times and both times he bought me extra gifts (I had something to give him as well but I'm talking about throughout the trip) and while I do feel guilty for him spending so much on me, at the same time...I do like it and sort of even prefer the 'old fashioned' way of the guy paying for his girl.

This is where I get really worried, since sometimes I'll show him things I'd like to buy (usually clothing pieces since I want his opinion as I don't want to wear something he wouldn't like me in) and the other night he offered to buy me a somewhat expensive skirt I'm seriously pining after.While I'm ecstatic and still nervous about agreeing to it, I'm really scared that I'm terrible and that I was subconsciously manipulating him into wanting to offer. In the fashion I'm in girls will often show off a skirt or a dress their boyfriend bought for them as a gift and I admit I usually got pretty jealous since it just seemed like such a sweet way to show affection, by buying something she is so personally interested in. But now that my boyfriend has offered I worry I sort of just conned him into it and I feel terrible about it.

I told him about my worries and he says I'm being silly and to not worry, that he wants to buy it for me and doesn't mind how much he spends on trips either. I guess I feel guilty because...I don't feel guilty? As I mentioned, I AM happy when he buys things for me, and I feel like because so many girls (and guys) feel bad for their partners buying them things that I'm being selfish and spoiled for actually enjoying it.

[Micah]

I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying getting things every once in a while. He offered to buy you the skirt. It isn't like you pouted and threw a tantrum so he'd buy you a skirt. There's a major difference. I also don't think you were manipulating him. My boyfriend has bought me things after I mentioned I wanted to get something. I never asked for them. I have always thought it was kind how he was paying attention and also generous that he got me something. I definitely don't see it as manipulation. The way I see it, he wanted to do something nice to you and from your explanation, you two both enjoy giving each other gifts and things. So, there's nothing wrong with that at all.

[lucybelle]

There's nothing wrong with him offering to buy you stuff. In fact, on occasions I TELL my boyfriend to buy me stuff. Otherwise they won't know. Just keep requests few and far between and he'll love that you love that he buys you stuff

[Kat Marie]

The way I see it, if you were close distance - you'd both be spending a lot more money on each other going out to movies, dinners, bars/pubs if you're old enough, concerts, and fun little activities like bowling and mini golf, lol. So if you're together close distance for a week and won't see each other again for months, let him go all out if he wants to! Nothing wrong with that. Same goes for if he offers to buy you something. Let it happen this time, and if you feel that guilty about it, next time he offers to buy you something you mention, just tell him that you're saving up for it yourself and thank him for the offer Remember to thank him for the skirt, and send him a cute pic of you in it after you get it. Also, don't bring it up like it's a negative thing and mention your guilt a lot. It might lead to him worrying about it, which will just cause negativity between the two of you. Just thank him, be happy, let him be happy about it, and show your appreciation

[Lina]

Like everyone said, he offered to buy it and it's not like you order him to buy you stuff on a regular basis. Any person likes to receive gifts, small attentions, so don't feel bad about it. Just like Kat Marie said, it's a LDR, so gifts kind of pay off for all the time you're apart and there's a long while in between them. Besides, he said himself that it's OK and nothing to worry about.

[blankita719]

no and here is why. My SO really wanted a new phone but he did not really have the money to buy it. On a previous visit we had looked at the Evo & I saw his face when we were looking at it & how much I could see he wanted it. I wantedhim to be happy so I decided to buy it for him regardless of the fact that it was a 200 dollar phone. But it didn't matter to me because I knew he would appreciate it. p

All he wants to do is the same thing for you . So enjoy it!

[NaNi]

I personally couldn't do that. Pointing out stuff which I'd like for my SO to buy me. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. But, as others have said, if your SO doesn't mind it and doesn't feel "pressured" to buy you things all is good.

[meg]

Once is fine, every other week is not. You're good for now.

[Rach321]

No, it's not manipulation. What really shows it isn't that you have really thought about it and are worried about it.

And really, as long as buying and receiving gifts makes you both happy, there isn't anything wrong with it. For some, tangible gifts are an important way of showing and feeling loved. It sounds like that's a part of both of your love languages. It's really whatever works for you as a couple.

My boyfriend doesn't like to feel obligated to buy a gift for a certain occasion (like birthdays or holidays), but I really enjoy both giving him gifts and receiving them. So we compromise- He loves to see how excited and happy I am when he gives me something, so he does it often (even if it's something very simple). But he very rarely gives it to me on the "prescribed" days, like my birthday, Christmas, Valentine's day. Instead, he usually tries to find something creative to do to create a memory on those days (for example, he'll make me a meal or take me somewhere special that he thinks I'll like). We're both happy that way.

[kiara_silver]

I get this, my SO is so sweet to me, and i don't like him spending on me (read my last thread) but i admit when he buys me b-day gifts or my anniversary ring, or the rose, or my camera, just, i do love it and it makes me feel special. I think, if you remember to always appreciate these things, and to not take his affection for granted then its okay.I personally don't and i don't think can point out things to get me, lol i'd feel wrong, but when u see something u like and talk about it and your SO picks up on it. It is nice to be spoiled sometimes, guilt gets in the way, but i think its okay to indulge in this with your loved one every now and then, just show how much it means to you.