Long distance relationships and parents

[Nyrila]

I'm a 20 year old Austrian woman and I have been in a long distance relationship with an Egyptian man for almost 9 months now. Even though we are long distance, we do everything together. We video call every day for hours, talking, cooking and eating together, even sleeping together and therefore I would say that we both know what we are like. We love each other so much and are both certain that we are right for each other.

This is why we decided to meet up over the Christmas holidays. I will go to Egypt for a week to stay with him but I also have an apartment with a very friendly host booked for safety precautions.

The problem is that my parents refuse to let me go. The night I told them, they woke me up at midnight to tell me my dad has a panic attack because I am leaving. They tell me I am killing them and both of them keep yelling that I don't care if they die and that they are worth nothing to me the moment they see me. My dad even threatened to commit suicide if I go to Egypt. It's become so bad that I am scared of even being in one house with them because they keep accusing me of killing them for my inheritance. I love my parents and would never want to harm them. They also insult my boyfriend and all foreigners in general and what they are saying is just racist. Even before they knew I was traveling they constantly told me I don't love them anymore just because I was spending time with my boyfriend. To make matters worse, all our family friends are on their side because of the ongoing pandemic (even though my parents don't even seem to be worried about the pandemic, all they care about is that I am going to be with "foreigner scum" in a "terrorist country")

I know that now is not the best time to travel, but I am vaccinated against Covid-19 3 times by now and will also be testing regularly. My country has way higher covid numbers than Egypt as well so I feel like I will be safe. With the pandemic going on for almost 2 years now, I don't want to delay my travels since it won't be over anytime soon. We know that we want to be together and we just have to meet each other in person.

How do you handle visits to your ldr partners in times of covid? And how do you deal with parents like mine? I really don't know what to do anymore. Any advice?

[avalyn10.08]

That sounds like a very hard situation to be in. That must feel awful to hear your parents say such hateful things, not only about someone you’re in a relationship with but a whole group of people! It is not okay that for your dad to threaten to commit suicide if you go— those things your parents are saying to prevent you from going are called, emotional blackmail, a form of emotional abuse.

I have not been in such an extreme situation before. I would maybe write them a letter expressing yourself and explaining how damaging their behavior and language have been. I would also try to explain to them that they are being racist but I would do so in a way that doesn’t call them names so that they can understand and hear what you’re trying to say. I think writing a letter and maybe reading it to them would make it so you can get everything that you’d like to say out clearly.

Also, I am glad that you have taken safety precautions when visiting because you are a young woman and it’s best to be safe when traveling to another country that is unfamiliar to you alone. I would be sure to keep in contact with friends and hopefully your family when you visit (I am hopeful you can come to an agreement with them).

Hope this helps, and I’m sorry you are going through this!

[autumn1790]

Is it possible for someone you know to go with you the first trip? When I was 19, I went with my sister/BIL the first time; my parents weren't ecstatic but eventually were fine with it because I had a support system if things went south. I know spending 24/7 on video call makes you think you know someone, especially when you're madly in love--I know because I did that as well. However, being in person is a whole new level, and sometimes people find out entirely new things about their LDR partners. Anyway, it's your life, and you're an adult now; best of luck out there!

[Vardaelantari]

Hi Nyrila, i can relate so much with you! My parents are not as extreme as your parents, but whenever the topic about my BF came up, they just talked bad about him and his country, they cant understand what it means to be in LDR and they dont believe that true love can grow over social Network. But always remember, its not the truth, its not your fault how your parents feel. I had a long time problems with that. Felt guilty ect. but over time it got better, my BF spoke to my parents in a really formal and respectful way, explained them our relationship. It really helped alot, since that the situation is much better.

[muzammil00]

In this age of Skyping and texting, it seems that maintaining a long-distance relationship would be easier than ever before. Gone are the days of paying such sky-high rates for long-distance calls that they need to be rationed like precious jewels. No longer must someone in a long-distance relationship pin all their hopes on their 3 p.m. mail delivery, awaiting a letter whose news is at best four days old. Why, we're no longer even in the days of having to wait for your loved one to settle in with their computer to check email: Instant responses are all but demanded now (perhaps a plus and a minus!). But ask anyone who's in a long-distance relationship: Technology can't make up for everything. The lack of regular physical proximity still seems to make many long-distance relationships as emotionally tough as ever. Read This book very helpful book and its 100% free book:-

[OhioJim]

The link just goes to the Amazon home page. Where is the book?