Hey guys,
I want some advice on a situation I have that’s been going on for a couple of months.
I have some tension and issues between my family and my partner, and I’ve tried everything I can think of to try and resolve it but it’s still going on.
It’s a long story but I’ll try keep it as short as possible.
It all started about 2-3 months ago when my Sister asked my SO to be a bridesmaid at her wedding.
My sister has been engaged for 4 years, wedding plans have been up and down due to various events but have been quiet the past 18 months.
Myself and my SO also got engaged in March this year and had plans to get married August 2022.
Everything was happy and fine until October hit.
In October my sister asked my partner to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in April 2022.
The issue came when I was talking to my parents about our wedding planning and what we’ve done for the event, and my sister interrupts and gives my SO a box with “Will you be my bridesmaid” written on it.
All of a sudden the interest in my conversation was dropped and all focus was put onto my sisters wedding plans.
We (myself and my partner) find out that at that point my sisters wedding venue has been booked for 2 weeks (we wasn’t told) and my mum & sister went dress shopping that morning.
The night continued casually and we went home.
On the driver back my SO questioned me if I thought what my sister did was rude and how she didn’t show any care for us when she interrupted me when speaking to my parents about our wedding plans. To which I replied, “that’s just my sister, things haven’t been as easy for her as they have for me, She just gets away with everything.”
A few days later my sister made a Bridesmaid group chat and introduced my SO as “the girl who ‘for some reason’ decided to be stuck with my brother”
My SO didn’t reply as she thought that was insensitive (and I agree)
They then continued to talk about dresses, but my SO never replied.
My Dad then messages my partner asking her to message my sister back as it was “just a joke”. When explained that we found it insensitive and we would like an apology from my sister. We was told to grow up, get over it, they are not going to apologise for a joke.
Long story short,
Theres now an issue with my parents and my SO as my SO is “standing up for us” saying we shouldn’t be 2nd best, when my sister is around I’m cast aside, I shouldn’t be use to my sister getting her own way because her life’s been harder than mine, we should be respected.
My sister needs to apologise for what she said or my SO isn’t going to her wedding. (Which will ruin my wedding day if my sister and her kids don’t come to mine)
I also have my parents saying my SO is being childish and I need to make her see that she’s family and will get treated as such.
I have been stuck in this war of my partner not wanting to face my family until my sister apologies for over 2 months now and I have no idea how to sort it out.
My SO said she was really hurt by how my Sister and Dad spoke to her, she thought she was sharing her opinion of being hurt by what was said in a safe space and my family tell her to grow up.
when I tell my SO she needs to face my family at some point she just replies “not until your sister apologises”. (Which my sister won’t)
I’m getting questions from my family as to why my SO is never with me when I visit.
Im stuck, I see and understand both sides.
Neither is going to give in and neither is going to get what they want.
My family have moved on and I feel my SO is dragging it out now, my SO is hurting me by distancing herself from them. I can’t speak to my parents about it as I’m “bringing it up again” and my SO should just “drop it” as she’s “making something out of nothing”.
But I also agree that my SO should fight for her beliefs and stand up if she’s hurt, and I’ll always stand by her, but there also my family.
I don’t want my SO to become the bad guy and alienate herself. I feel it’s just going to ruin the relationship between them if my SO don’t see them soon.
Sorry for the long read, I just don’t know what to do.
I want some advice on a situation I have that’s been going on for a couple of months.
I have some tension and issues between my family and my partner, and I’ve tried everything I can think of to try and resolve it but it’s still going on.
It’s a long story but I’ll try keep it as short as possible.
It all started about 2-3 months ago when my Sister asked my SO to be a bridesmaid at her wedding.
My sister has been engaged for 4 years, wedding plans have been up and down due to various events but have been quiet the past 18 months.
Myself and my SO also got engaged in March this year and had plans to get married August 2022.
Everything was happy and fine until October hit.
In October my sister asked my partner to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in April 2022.
The issue came when I was talking to my parents about our wedding planning and what we’ve done for the event, and my sister interrupts and gives my SO a box with “Will you be my bridesmaid” written on it.
All of a sudden the interest in my conversation was dropped and all focus was put onto my sisters wedding plans.
We (myself and my partner) find out that at that point my sisters wedding venue has been booked for 2 weeks (we wasn’t told) and my mum & sister went dress shopping that morning.
The night continued casually and we went home.
On the driver back my SO questioned me if I thought what my sister did was rude and how she didn’t show any care for us when she interrupted me when speaking to my parents about our wedding plans. To which I replied, “that’s just my sister, things haven’t been as easy for her as they have for me, She just gets away with everything.”
A few days later my sister made a Bridesmaid group chat and introduced my SO as “the girl who ‘for some reason’ decided to be stuck with my brother”
My SO didn’t reply as she thought that was insensitive (and I agree)
They then continued to talk about dresses, but my SO never replied.
My Dad then messages my partner asking her to message my sister back as it was “just a joke”. When explained that we found it insensitive and we would like an apology from my sister. We was told to grow up, get over it, they are not going to apologise for a joke.
Long story short,
Theres now an issue with my parents and my SO as my SO is “standing up for us” saying we shouldn’t be 2nd best, when my sister is around I’m cast aside, I shouldn’t be use to my sister getting her own way because her life’s been harder than mine, we should be respected.
My sister needs to apologise for what she said or my SO isn’t going to her wedding. (Which will ruin my wedding day if my sister and her kids don’t come to mine)
I also have my parents saying my SO is being childish and I need to make her see that she’s family and will get treated as such.
I have been stuck in this war of my partner not wanting to face my family until my sister apologies for over 2 months now and I have no idea how to sort it out.
My SO said she was really hurt by how my Sister and Dad spoke to her, she thought she was sharing her opinion of being hurt by what was said in a safe space and my family tell her to grow up.
when I tell my SO she needs to face my family at some point she just replies “not until your sister apologises”. (Which my sister won’t)
I’m getting questions from my family as to why my SO is never with me when I visit.
Im stuck, I see and understand both sides.
Neither is going to give in and neither is going to get what they want.
My family have moved on and I feel my SO is dragging it out now, my SO is hurting me by distancing herself from them. I can’t speak to my parents about it as I’m “bringing it up again” and my SO should just “drop it” as she’s “making something out of nothing”.
But I also agree that my SO should fight for her beliefs and stand up if she’s hurt, and I’ll always stand by her, but there also my family.
I don’t want my SO to become the bad guy and alienate herself. I feel it’s just going to ruin the relationship between them if my SO don’t see them soon.
Sorry for the long read, I just don’t know what to do.
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