Dealing with them going back home

[killerkaytee]

Hey guys, my boyfriend Chris is coming from California on Friday and it will be the first time we meet! We've been dating for almost 11 months now and he'll be staying here in Maryland for 10 days. I'm so afriad of him leaving and that it will be difficult to cope so I was wondering if anyone had advice that has dealt with their significant other having to leave and go back home.

[Xanahtas]

I think the first time them going back is the worst... When my so left the first time, i just cried alot i guess. Speaking to people about it helped me though. If you feel like crying, just cry and let it all out. You'll feel better. Instead of thinking about him actually leaving (when he is gone) think about the good times and think forward to your next visit Think positive and do things to take your mind off it

[steph_bballgirl]

cherish the time you have with him! the first time is the hardest.
josh and i cry with eachother for a bit, and hug and kiss alot.
to try and make it better:
focus on the next time you visit. i always see how many days away we are from our next visit and remind him that the distance is only temporary.
another thing we do is look back on the funny/cute memories from that trip. playing "remember when" usually makes us smile and sometimes laugh.

best of luck!!<3

[NaNi]

I don't have any advice really. It simply hurts. I do try to focus on the good things: we got to spend time together, we'll see each other again (even though it might be several months), but it doesn't stop the tears from falling. You had your SO right where you wanted them. With you. But now they're leaving again. It's not fair. It's horrible.

[leonsfangirl]

I'm dreading that too, I'm planning my first visit at the moment and i'm sooo excited because i will actually be with him for awhile but i know i'm not going to want to leave him at the end of it either. I'm just trying to focus on the end point. We're going through this so we can close the distance, if i have to hurt and miss him for a few months so I'm never without him again it's a small price to pay.

[5000miles]

This sounds just like me last November. We had been together 11 months and it was the first time we were meeting and we were going to be together for 10 days. So, here is some advice

Don't let the fear of goodbye ruin your time together. I started thinking about him leaving 3 days before he left and it made me sad and probably made things worse. Of course, the last night you're together is definitely sad, but take that time to re-assure each other and be in the moment.

The day before he left, we sat down and made a sort of journal entry of everything that we did together. It started as a basic time line but we added memories that were special to us that might seem insignificant to others and we added inside jokes and things we felt and such. I think that helped us focus on the good times and forget the sadness we were feeling.

Now to the sucky part... when we said goodbye. There isn't really a way to make it not sad. It's heartbreaking. My advice is to make the actual goodbye as short as possible.

After I said goodbye to my SO and got back in my car, I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe. It's terrible. I had my step mom driving me because I knew I wouldn't be able to drive, so I'd do that if you could. When I got home, it was hard not to feel sad but it's really pointless to try to fight it completely. Take the day to be with family and such. I watched a movie and that helped me because I was able to escape into what I was watching.

Good luck and enjoy this feeling of counting down! I know it seems like the longest days of your life, but after it's over you'll look back at the counting down with fondness.

[killerkaytee]

Thank you guys SOOO much =] This really helped me alot. Its hard because I dont have anyone who understands long distance relationships so being able to talk to people who are in them and have experienced them really helps. Best of luck to all of you girls too =]

---------- Post added at 10:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:34 PM ----------

Thats so true, theres going to be a lot of hard times to get through but in the end is worth every bit =]

[Jezah]

I have this fear too, mine is extremely hard too since once he leaves I will not be able to see him again for at least a year. Just thinking about it my nose starts to sting with unshed tears. I guess I just tell myself that once he leaves I will just have to find something else to occupy myself until the year is over. He will be ridiculously busy with training so I know it most likely won't be as hard for him. Makes me feel like such a girl that I am the one worrying so much about it. I guess it is normal though, usually when you love someone you want to be close to them and LDR's make that impossible. *sigh* In a way I think it is what makes out relationships stronger....we got the adversity out of the way from the start!

[Jezah]

Darn double post...

[kiara_silver]

Im dreading this as well. We've finally met and hes been here since the 13th of june and its been so amazing, i know when he leaves its going to hurt and be so horrible, but i say till then just enjoy the time you have with your SO and focus on that and then when you will see him again. But i think its unavoidable, its sad and its going to be hard.... its the worst part of LDR's, but i think it can also help and make the relationship stronger, because you have to fight for it. but eh im dreading the goodbye...

[morgan(:]

Don't let the thought of him leaving ruin your trip. I've let it happen to me before, and since I only get a 3 day visit when Brandon comes, it sucks! You need to realize that you'll see him again, it's not a question of IF it's a matter of when. <3

[FadedSunrise]

I find it good to stay busy, and to go back to being very busy immediately. When you have no choice but to smile to your boss or customers, then it forces you to push this kind of stuff to the back of your mind. Before I got a part time job I was always very needy, sitting by waiting for messages. But now I have a temporary full time job, prep classes starting, a regular workout schedule of 8 hrs a week, and learning to cook. I am forced to make time for my SO instead of have it at will, but then I value it immensely.

[killerkaytee]

Im dreading this as well. We've finally met and hes been here since the 13th of june and its been so amazing, i know when he leaves its going to hurt and be so horrible, but i say till then just enjoy the time you have with your SO and focus on that and then when you will see him again. But i think its unavoidable, its sad and its going to be hard.... its the worst part of LDR's, but i think it can also help and make the relationship stronger, because you have to fight for it. but eh im dreading the goodbye...

yea we always say to each other that if we can love each other so much from afar that it will be even more amazing when we are together and the distance has definately made our relationship stronger. and i also keep telling myself that we're both going through the same pain so we'll have each other. i hope youre having a great time with him! I can only imagine how exciting it must be =] one more dayyy of waiting

[nic&matt]

I can't really post anything new or fresh advice since everyone pretty much said it all.
It is always tough, first time is the hardest, but like everything else, it passes. If you feel like crying, let yourself cry. Don't deny any emotions you have or it's less special. Your SO is also going through the same thing, so you know you're never alone at least.
Occupy yourself: schedule your first week out with lots of plans and lots of people. You can put more of a brave face on in front of friends than your SO or family. Go out, get yourself out of the house, and when you are alone reflect in a positive light the trip that happened.

Good luck!!! I hope you really enjoy your time together and cherish every minute <3

[Sierra]

I always hate the goodbye. Driving away from the airport is by far the hardest part. We've met twice and I wish I could say it gets easier, but even though he literally left Sunday, and we have another trip planned in less than 5 weeks it felt like my heart was getting ripped from my chest.