I don't really know what to write or think at the moment.
My SO's father died on Wednesday night (2nd November), and he told me about it yesterday night.
I'd never met his father, so it's more strange to me for that. I don't know the full details of what happened or how, but it sounds like my SO had to call an ambulance.
Fortunately SO's mum and sister were able to help out with all the practical stuff, and they took SO to his mum's to stay for a while.
We spoke for a couple of hours last night, and I could hear that he was drinking (understandably). I messaged him saying that I can change my December flights to earlier if he wants me there, though he's said no so far. But in our earlier phone call, he admitted that he didn't know what he needed (again, understandable).
I guess where I'm at right now is wanting to fly out sooner regardless of what he's said. It's worth mentioning here that he didn't initially tell me about his father's death because he didn't want to upset me. He can be prone to personally dangerous thinking and even actions, despite being with safe loved ones (unfortunately, I speak from personal experience).
That aside, I can relate to his loss in some ways as I lost my father suddenly when I was a teenager. For me, it took at least 5 years before I could talk about my father without crying every time. But I didn't feel like I had really managed to grow past it until about 10 years after he'd died.
I know his relationship with his father was complicated, as was my own but in different ways. He spoke last night about whether he did enough, or if there was something he could have done differently which was heartbreaking to hear. I actually remember thinking something like that myself, even though I literally couldn't possibly have done anything as my father was chronically ill and I was a teenager.
All this to say, do you think I should fly out there sooner than originally planned?
I'm very worried about him, regardless of others being around.
My SO's father died on Wednesday night (2nd November), and he told me about it yesterday night.
I'd never met his father, so it's more strange to me for that. I don't know the full details of what happened or how, but it sounds like my SO had to call an ambulance.
Fortunately SO's mum and sister were able to help out with all the practical stuff, and they took SO to his mum's to stay for a while.
We spoke for a couple of hours last night, and I could hear that he was drinking (understandably). I messaged him saying that I can change my December flights to earlier if he wants me there, though he's said no so far. But in our earlier phone call, he admitted that he didn't know what he needed (again, understandable).
I guess where I'm at right now is wanting to fly out sooner regardless of what he's said. It's worth mentioning here that he didn't initially tell me about his father's death because he didn't want to upset me. He can be prone to personally dangerous thinking and even actions, despite being with safe loved ones (unfortunately, I speak from personal experience).
That aside, I can relate to his loss in some ways as I lost my father suddenly when I was a teenager. For me, it took at least 5 years before I could talk about my father without crying every time. But I didn't feel like I had really managed to grow past it until about 10 years after he'd died.
I know his relationship with his father was complicated, as was my own but in different ways. He spoke last night about whether he did enough, or if there was something he could have done differently which was heartbreaking to hear. I actually remember thinking something like that myself, even though I literally couldn't possibly have done anything as my father was chronically ill and I was a teenager.
All this to say, do you think I should fly out there sooner than originally planned?
I'm very worried about him, regardless of others being around.
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